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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Please help me. **Update**

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:29 PM
  • 143 Replies

Here's the situation I am in. My daughter has a fake facebook account. We know about it and have been watching it the last few days. I am not sure where to start with all this, sorry if I sound like I am rambling.

I just don't know when to let her know we know....I kind of want things to go on a bit so I can catch her. That sounds crazy I know. She was recently caught in the woods making out with a boy (and totally laying on top of him). We took everything away from her. We have had a million talks about how she is not to date- she will be 14 in three days. It's absurd and not permitted in my family. She is still seeing the boy. She thinks we don't know about this account she has but we do. My husband tracks every keystroke on her computer. That's the only thing we didn't take from her bc she has to use it for schoolwork. She swears like a pig (on this account). She apparently has been picking up cigarette butts off the ground and smoking them. She stole something from a gas station on our way back from NY.....these are just a few of the things she has said on this fb account. 

Here's the thing- she has us almost afraid to do anything because she is a "cutter."  She says she isn't doing it anymore (who knows though). She has hundreds of scars on her arms from last summer. And a couple on her thigh. So this "threat" is always hanging over our heads and we are always walking on eggshells around her. Really.......all this drama is made up. There's no reason for any of it. She has actually said in some of her messages to a friend that she really doesn't know why she does it.  She has a good home life, we just have rules like many other households. She is not to have a boyfriend. She is to focus on her schoolwork. She has friends over. We do things with her all the time, she isn't deprived in any way. 

If you plan on picking this apart so you can bring to my attention what a failure we are as parents, I will ignore you. If you can try to put yourself in our shoes and try to help, I would appreciate it. 


ETA- I am also curious to know if I can make her an appointment at a gynecologist and find out if she is still a virgin. I can't believe this is even something I have to think about.......


Just an update for anyone interested- 

My daughter and I are going to therapy starting Thursday night. And as far as punishments go, she has had her window screwed shut, her room has nothing in it but her clothes and a bed- which doesn't matter much because she is sleeping in our room at night. I have taken away her makeup. She only gets an hour a day to watch tv and it will be in the living room with us. She has been moved on the school bus so she isn't anywhere near her "boyfriend." For those of you who didn't see it in the comments, the night I made this post she snuck him in her bedroom. My husband went in immediately and kicked him out of the closet. Apparently he has been in her room many, many times while we were sleeping.....



by on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DonnaNoble
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:31 PM
3 moms liked this
Is she in therapy? She needs to be. You all could benefit from it.
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aandt1999
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:33 PM

No, she isn't. Is this something you do through a doctor's referral? 

Quoting DonnaNoble: Is she in therapy? She needs to be. You all could benefit from it.


mlg1989
by ZombieMegg on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:33 PM
2 moms liked this
First I would just tell her you're not stupid and tell her you know about the other account and ground her from electronics until she can prove herself worthy of technology again.
Then of course counseling, probably best to get the whole family in there. Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:36 PM
I was very similar to that when I wad a teen. A bit older though.I have hundreds of scars.

What helped me was therapy. I never changed friends but realized watching their dumbassary was mote fun than participating.

When my parents would move in more, it got worse.

Oh, and when I'd cut, my sister would " Indian burn" my arm over the cuts. That stopped that habit pretty quick.
aandt1999
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:38 PM

Wouldn't you worry about what she's doing in her room like all the time?? A friend of hers just got suspended from school for cutting in the school bathroom. They can do it anywhere. It almost seems like it's the thing to do- whether there are problems or not. I don't get it. 

Quoting mlg1989: First I would just tell her you're not stupid and tell her you know about the other account and ground her from electronics until she can prove herself worthy of technology again. Then of course counseling, probably best to get the whole family in there. Good luck.


DonnaNoble
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this
It depends on your insurance company. Call them and see. Good luck.

Quoting aandt1999:

No, she isn't. Is this something you do through a doctor's referral? 

Quoting DonnaNoble: Is she in therapy? She needs to be. You all could benefit from it.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mlg1989
by ZombieMegg on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:40 PM
2 moms liked this
I mean you can't really stop her no matter what. She can cut herself right in front of you if she wanted.
Take the door off the hinge so she cant shut or lock it.

If she's THAT bad that nothing works then take her to a mental hospital where they watch her like a hawk.

Quoting aandt1999:

Wouldn't you worry about what she's doing in her room like all the time?? A friend of hers just got suspended from school for cutting in the school bathroom. They can do it anywhere. It almost seems like it's the thing to do- whether there are problems or not. I don't get it. 

Quoting mlg1989: First I would just tell her you're not stupid and tell her you know about the other account and ground her from electronics until she can prove herself worthy of technology again.
Then of course counseling, probably best to get the whole family in there. Good luck.

aandt1999
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:40 PM

Sorry if I sound stupid. Are you saying when they tried to stop you from doing it?

Quoting Anonymous: I was very similar to that when I wad a teen. A bit older though.I have hundreds of scars. What helped me was therapy. I never changed friends but realized watching their dumbassary was mote fun than participating. When my parents would move in more, it got worse. Oh, and when I'd cut, my sister would " Indian burn" my arm over the cuts. That stopped that habit pretty quick.


aandt1999
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:43 PM

I guess that's true. I think we may have to do the door thing too. We have talked about it but haven't done it yet. She's planning on sneaking out her window this Sunday night to see this boy. I have contemplated letting it happen and following her. Probably not the best idea though......

Quoting mlg1989: I mean you can't really stop her no matter what. She can cut herself right in front of you if she wanted. Take the door off the hinge so she cant shut or lock it. If she's THAT bad that nothing works then take her to a mental hospital where they watch her like a hawk.
Quoting aandt1999:

Wouldn't you worry about what she's doing in her room like all the time?? A friend of hers just got suspended from school for cutting in the school bathroom. They can do it anywhere. It almost seems like it's the thing to do- whether there are problems or not. I don't get it. 

Quoting mlg1989: First I would just tell her you're not stupid and tell her you know about the other account and ground her from electronics until she can prove herself worthy of technology again. Then of course counseling, probably best to get the whole family in there. Good luck.



mlg1989
by ZombieMegg on Apr. 25, 2014 at 3:56 PM
At dollar tree(dunno if there's one by you) but they have alarms that you put on a door or window and when opened it's loud as fuck. You can always put at alarm on her window so at least you know when she's doing it.



Quoting aandt1999:

I guess that's true. I think we may have to do the door thing too. We have talked about it but haven't done it yet. She's planning on sneaking out her window this Sunday night to see this boy. I have contemplated letting it happen and following her. Probably not the best idea though......

Quoting mlg1989: I mean you can't really stop her no matter what. She can cut herself right in front of you if she wanted.
Take the door off the hinge so she cant shut or lock it.

If she's THAT bad that nothing works then take her to a mental hospital where they watch her like a hawk.

Quoting aandt1999:

Wouldn't you worry about what she's doing in her room like all the time?? A friend of hers just got suspended from school for cutting in the school bathroom. They can do it anywhere. It almost seems like it's the thing to do- whether there are problems or not. I don't get it. 

Quoting mlg1989: First I would just tell her you're not stupid and tell her you know about the other account and ground her from electronics until she can prove herself worthy of technology again.
Then of course counseling, probably best to get the whole family in there. Good luck.

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