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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Would you be mad if?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
You found out your DF was smoking after he said he had quit? Im 31 weeks pregnant and when we first found out, we talked it over and decided that he would quit smoking for several reasons. I never pushed him to stop or nagged him. We agreed together. Ive suspected he's smoking at work since the beginning because he magically just "quit" and never mentioned cravings or had mood swings. I periodically ask if he smokes at work and he admits to bumming a cig on occasion but swears he hasn't bought a pack since quitting. Ive thought I've smelled smoke on him but haven't been sure. Today while doing laundry I found 3 cigarette butts in his pants pocket. Im not even that upset about the smoking, its the lying. Why act like your gonna quit smoking and then just do it at work and lie about it? Its really bothering me that he can't just be honest and say "yeah, I smoke at work" when I ask him. Im also hurt because I feel like he doesn't care that he's endangering his health and shortening his life span with his daughter and I. It also pisses me off that if he gets cancer or a chronic illness im the one who has to take care of him, yet he's the one who CHOSE to make himself sick :(
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ER-momma
by LintLicker on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:34 PM
I can understand you being upset not majorly but yes. If you're technically okay with smoking and he'd lie about that it'd make me wonder what else he'd lie about.

But I personally think smoking is gross so the entire thing would upset me plus being pregnant.
cakklove
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:37 PM

My husband smokes sometimes at work but he is honest with me about it.  I just had a baby and I told him that he can't smoke at home and he is cool with it.  If he was lying about it though, that would upset me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:38 PM
I feel the same way. Even if its a small lie, it makes me feel I can't trust him. The smoking DOES bother me, but seeing as I never forced him into quitting, and it was more his idea, how mad can I be ya know? Ive never tried even one puff of a cigarette so I just dont understand it. Its gross to me, and I feel he's being incredibly selfish.

Quoting ER-momma: I can understand you being upset not majorly but yes. If you're technically okay with smoking and he'd lie about that it'd make me wonder what else he'd lie about.

But I personally think smoking is gross so the entire thing would upset me plus being pregnant.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:42 PM
That was a big reason he quit. We didn't want him smoking around the baby or smelling lije cigarettes while holding her. If his plan was to just smoke at work he should have told me that, not that he's quitting completely. Now I just feel misled :(

Quoting cakklove:

My husband smokes sometimes at work but he is honest with me about it.  I just had a baby and I told him that he can't smoke at home and he is cool with it.  If he was lying about it though, that would upset me.

cakklove
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:46 PM

I totally understand.  It's like what the heck dude?  Why lie about it?!  Fortuntely, for some reason, smoking started making me sick to my stomach about 6 months before I found out I was pregnant (I was 6 weeks).  I just quit when it started making me sick.  

Quoting Anonymous: That was a big reason he quit. We didn't want him smoking around the baby or smelling lije cigarettes while holding her. If his plan was to just smoke at work he should have told me that, not that he's quitting completely. Now I just feel misled :(
Quoting cakklove:

My husband smokes sometimes at work but he is honest with me about it.  I just had a baby and I told him that he can't smoke at home and he is cool with it.  If he was lying about it though, that would upset me.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:48 PM
It's probably because he doesn't want to hear your mouth. If you've asked, chances are you nagged him enough to want to make him be secretive. Leave him alone, he's an adult.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:54 PM
Lol. Okay crazy. Thats definitely not the issue. Ive asked him 3-4 times in 8 months and I only asked because he smelled like smoke. And it was HIS idea to quit. He brought it up to me and we talked about it. I never pushed him into quitting.

Quoting Anonymous: It's probably because he doesn't want to hear your mouth. If you've asked, chances are you nagged him enough to want to make him be secretive. Leave him alone, he's an adult.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2014 at 7:00 PM
The secrecy says otherwise.

Quoting Anonymous: Lol. Okay crazy. Thats definitely not the issue. Ive asked him 3-4 times in 8 months and I only asked because he smelled like smoke. And it was HIS idea to quit. He brought it up to me and we talked about it. I never pushed him into quitting.

Quoting Anonymous: It's probably because he doesn't want to hear your mouth. If you've asked, chances are you nagged him enough to want to make him be secretive. Leave him alone, he's an adult.
rgba
by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 7:03 PM
You say you are only mad because he lied. But then you go on to say how hurt you are by his smoking.

Smoking is a terrible addiction. Laying a guilt trip on him will only further drive his secrecy. He has to want to quit.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 25, 2014 at 7:04 PM
There's more than one reason someone is secretive. I suspect he doesn't want to admit he couldn't quit all the way. I gave him lots of praise and "im proud of yous" at first. I think he didn't want swallow his pride and admit smoking as a bigger hold on him than he thought it did.

Quoting Anonymous: The secrecy says otherwise.

Quoting Anonymous: Lol. Okay crazy. Thats definitely not the issue. Ive asked him 3-4 times in 8 months and I only asked because he smelled like smoke. And it was HIS idea to quit. He brought it up to me and we talked about it. I never pushed him into quitting.

Quoting Anonymous: It's probably because he doesn't want to hear your mouth. If you've asked, chances are you nagged him enough to want to make him be secretive. Leave him alone, he's an adult.
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