A few months back there was a bit of a blow up and we all defended her. My mom spoke up and had a talk with him that he really shouldn't speak to her the way he does. He told her to " mind her own fucking business" lovely. So then my other brothers and I called SIL and just said if she needs anything let us know. That we think he needs help and we are here for her and we'll help them both in anyway we can because this situation won't end well
Well she totally turned it on us, called her dh ( my brother) and said we told her he should leave him. NOT EVEN CLOSE to what we said!!!!
So basically in talking about it my DH was saying it's her problem. That she allows herself to be treated that way. He's not physically abusive but to me it's emotional abuse. He's not saying it's her fault but he feels if she's going to allow it and not only not accept help, but turn on those who try to help well basically " F her" her problem, not ours. I see what he's saying, and honestly she's done some not so nice things to me but I can't help but feel bad for her at the same time. My dh says though I shouldn't feel bad if she's choosing to be in this situation and why do I feel bad for someone who is dishonest and fake to me?
I feel torn. It doesn't effect my life so I shouldn't care or let it bother me but part of me just can't help to feel bad for someone who is clearly so unhappy that it's like she's just given up defending herself ( though she never defended herself in the first place). As a whole they are really manipulative and selfish people, him outwardly and her in a sneaky two faced way. My dh says he wishes I'd just wash my hands of them to a point. But I guess I feel like how can I do that to family whether I like what they do or not?
When do you just give up on someone that is family? Stop trying to help and just move on?