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Why am i wrong 4 not wanting to raise an autistic kid?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Im putting dd up for adoption, she was just diagnosed, i knew something was wrong with her. She has violent outbursts, claws at her face and pulls out her hair, punches, spits, throws anything she can get her hands on,attacks our dogs, and her siblings.
This is just the tip of the iiceberg and its too much for me to handle. I always thought it was a faze, she would grow out of it, spankings would help, time out would help. But nope. My worst fear has been realized and SO and i both agree we cant handle it. I have normal children, and my sanity to think about.
I dont know much about autism. My.mom thinks shes more likely to end up a criminal with her behavior, but according to her doctor, she'll more than likely need someone to care for her her entire life, so thats ridiculous. My MIL is livid. she thinks we should keep her but i just CAN NOT DO IT ANYMORE. we cant go out to eat, to the store, we can barely sit home without her screaming and groaning and hurting someone.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2014 at 1:14 AM
Replies (621-630):
lancet98
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:05 PM

 

No, actually she doesn't have a 'disgusting attitude' - this child is very likely to wind up in that situation except for one thing.  

Most of the kids as bad as what the OP describes never actually get to a foster home at all - they get evaluated and then put in a facility.  

Most of these facilities amount to nothing more than warehousing - rates of sexual and physical abuse are high, and the conditions and the therapy provided is not consistent or appropriate.   High doses of sedatives are more the norm.

I recall talking to a guy in one of those places who was FIN ALLY discharged after a long time of slapping, shoving and hitting the kids.

'Well you know, the kids piss me off', was his reason.

Being given over as a ward of the state isn't really as rosey as you suggest.

This kid is not at all likely to get adopted.   Those who are insisting that she'll get 'a family who loves her' are sadly mistaken.  

Quoting Yum_Cupcakes:

That's a little much. You have a disgusting attitude.

Quoting Anonymous: She is not getting adopted. She will be bounced from foster home to foster home until she ends up in a group home and left to her own devices at 18. I hope your entire family disowns you, I would.

 

 

ChewyBrownies
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:07 PM
The majority of these women do

Quoting Yum_Cupcakes:

That's a little much. You have a disgusting attitude.

Quoting Anonymous: She is not getting adopted. She will be bounced from foster home to foster home until she ends up in a group home and left to her own devices at 18. I hope your entire family disowns you, I would.

EmeliaRosesMom
by Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:08 PM

Not only Christians pray sweetheart. I am Catholic BTW...

And by me saying you don't deserve to be a mother means I'm not religious?

I think you missed the entire point here. I will keep praying.

Quoting Anonymous: didn't you say you'd pray for her? What kind of Christian are you?
Quoting EmeliaRosesMom:

"I cant handle it. Someone else can"You dont even deserve to be a mother.

Quoting Anonymous: Perfect baby? It isnt about that AT ALL. I cant handle it. Someone else can.
Quoting norwgnwood: Yeah you're deservingly going to be ripped to shreds. Better luck getting your perfect baby next time. *gag*



lancet98
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:08 PM

 Do you want to have a contest to establish which one of us knows more about mental illness and what sort of care it gets in various cities?

You're blowing sunshine up people's drawers, honey.   That kid is going to wind up in a warehouse on high doses of sedatives, for the rest of her life.   The chances are extremely high that she won't be adopted.

The foster care and ward-of-the-state system is challenged even handling the NT kids they get...

The ONLY reason more severely disabled autistic kids get such progress, is because they have a loved one who advocates like a mamma tiger for them, makes sure they get consistent and appropriate therapy.

I know a kid that was like her when he was 3 - at 21, he was working a JOB and had a girlfriend and a supervised apartment.

The KEY is that someone is advocating for that kid's rights.   Once you sign over a kid to the state, all that ends.

And it isn't even necessary!   Severely disabled autistic individuals can be sent to residential therapy WITHOUT them being made a ward of the state!

Quoting Yum_Cupcakes:

Rude much?

How would you know I have no point.? Have you been to every city and done research into places that care for those with mental illness? 

Quoting lancet98:

 Tell me where that place is, and I'll agree you have a point.  As it is, you don't have a point.

Quoting Yum_Cupcakes:

Maybe she loves her enough to let her go. If she can be somewhere else with people who can help her, why wouldn't a mother want that for her child?

Quoting Anonymous: Its one who doesn't love her child enough to keep her.
Quoting quickbooksworm:

Oh shut the hell up.  This is a mama who is sinking, not one who deserves bitchy comments.

Quoting norwgnwood: Yeah you're deservingly going to be ripped to shreds. Better luck getting your perfect baby next time. *gag*

 

 

 

 

 

renee071391
by on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I dont see how any mother could just give up her child. I know that they may be tough to handle at times but we love them unconditonally. I myself would give up my life for my daughter. How can you and your husband just give away your child like that. Sure its tough but nobody said being a mom would be easy. How do your other children feel about giving away their sibling because she is too hard to handle? And because you cant do certain things. Sure its tough but we are all humans we adapt and overcome. Its not your childs fault that they have a disability you are her mother you are supposed to protect her not give her up because its too hard to handle. What if something happens to one of your other children and they get hurt or have a medical disability are you going to abandon them too?

Anoronlight
by on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:10 PM
2 moms liked this
You do realize that no one will adopt her? She will be lost in the system and given no help. You are her only chance. I do know what it's like cause my dd is the same and I have a four year old son. I know you think you will be doing her a favor but you will only be hurting her more.

If you want to talk I would be happy to talk with you.
mommy211983
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:12 PM

I'm not gonna bash you. You sound very frustrated while you sound fed up you may not realize how hard giving her up would be. I suggest working with a special needs specialist first. They can help you manage her special needs and perhaps provide you with better means. Don't give up on your kid yet. These things take time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 100 on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:12 PM
I love how all the moms on here reply that there is a ton of help out there for asd children. That is true but it depends on where you live. The area I live - there is no help and in my state insurance doesn't cover the needs for asd children. However, other states do have support and more help. So, no, the help for asd children is not necessarily available.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 101 on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:12 PM
Big hugs. I was there with my son at one point. This was before we had a diagnosis. 4 years later he is doing so much better. I have two children and both are special needs. It's a hard road to travel.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 51 on Apr. 30, 2014 at 3:13 PM
Did this post lose replies?? I was sure the number was higher...
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