Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

You shouldn't be able to have it both ways...

Posted by   + Show Post

Right now, men have 2 legal options when it comes to sex:

  • don't engage in sexual activity
  • engage in sexual activity, accepting that they're responsible for 18+ years of parenting and/or financial support in the event of an unwanted pregnancy

Women have at least 4 legal options:

  • don't engage in sexual activity
  • engage in sexual activity and perform an abortion (with or without the consent of the father) in the event of an unwanted pregnancy
  • engage in sexual activity and place the child in the custody of adoption services (with or without the consent of the father) in the event of an unwanted pregnancy
  • engage in sexual activity and deliver the child (regardless of the wishes of the father), receiving financial support for the duration of their childhood

I hear a lot of talk about men taking responsibility for their actions, but what responsibility are women required to accept? If they want the child or don't want the child, they have options. They can sleep around all they want and if a pregnancy results it is entirely their choice whether they want to "accept the responsibility" or not.

I've been saying for a while that there should be a legal way to opt of of parenthood and terminate your legal responsibility as a father, similar to the option for mothers to abort the pregnancy. If you sign a legal document within x weeks of being informed of the pregnancy, you waive your parental rights and responsibilities. If at that point the mother decides that she wants to keep the baby, the burden is on her alone to support it. It's her decision.

After all, isn't a woman just as responsible for "not keeping her pants on" as the father is for not keeping it in his pants?

The fact that a man can currently be raped by a woman or otherwise deceived/forced into a pregnancy and then be legally required to financially support the resulting child is preposterous. I also find it wildly hypocritical that the same feminists who demand equality in every area where men are advantaged will come crawling out of the woodwork whenever this subject is broached to point out that "life isn't fair" and "it's only right that women are advantaged in this regard".

by on May. 1, 2014 at 3:50 AM
Replies (141-150):
Carmel63
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2014 at 5:06 PM
1 mom liked this

If a guy does not want to have a baby it is entirely up to him to make sure it does not happen.  Period.

Quoting Anonymous:

I love how you turn everything to the guys fault,  Condom breaks he must be using it wrong, thats BS by the way.  Guys fault his wife pokes holes in the condom.  Guys fault because he had no idea his wife was capable of that. 

Guys fault because his ex-gf was preg and broke up with him and didn't tell him he was a father.  Then gave the baby up for adoption, that seems to make him a loser when he had no idea it happened.  It is hard to establish paternity when he did not know he needs to.  You call me a moron really?

We live in the real world and women do that all the time so they do not have to pay CS.  We have that option a man does not which is the point.

(ETA: I looked it up, in a lot of states the father consent is not required,) yay! equality!

What I find appalling is the women who use CS as a income and do not work, I read not long ago about a mother who was bragging about how she and her husband stays home and do not work and live off the child support,  a father should not have to support three people.

the thing is I can say it is unequal we do have more options and the system is setup so it can easilty trap a father.  I do not see a way change it though.

Signing over rights while good in theory would not work.  We do not have to legally tell the father we are preg.  So if we they had a 3 month window to sign over their rights I think we would wait 3 months and one day to tell them.  No matter how I think of it there is not a good answer. 

Quoting Carmel63:

When used properly condoms are almost 100% effective.  If it breaks or slips off it was not used properly.  A man should have his own condoms, and should never depend on any womans birth control if he wants to produce an unwanted pregnancy.  A man should also know the woman that he is having sex with well enough to know wether or not she is the type of woman that would try to trick him into becoming a father.  

I said it is not legal for for a baby to be adopted with out the father's consent.  What your friend did was illegal.  If the guy she slept with did not know she got pregnant, he was a bit of a loser.  Odds are he knew, and gave consent by default by not establishing paternity.

Ponce the baby is born, and not be fore, the father has plenty of rights.  He can establish paternity and be a father.  Many courts will give him at least partial custody.  If he does not want to be a father, he can choose to just pay support.  Again, he is financially responsible for his own choices. 

The forced abortion or adoption comment makes you look like a moron.  I will give you the benefit of doubt, and assume you made these comments for effect, and you do not think that this is an actual solution.

No one is talking about letting woman off the hook.  In most cases the woman has to assume the majority of the physical and financial consequence of an unwanted pregnancy.  Men can take off, and usually pay a pittance of what it takes to support the child.  I read on these boards how little some woman receive, and I am appalled.

In real life i have no association with the type of man that would be looking to sign away his responsibilities.  I have a husband, father, brothers, brother in laws, nephews and several male friends - none of whom were shocked by a pregnancy.  Only one had one that was unwanted, and un planned.  They all knew how birth control worked, and selected their partners carefully.

Quoting Anonymous:

"that is to make sure he uses a condom properly every single time he has sex.  He is in charge of his own birth control." Condoms fail and are not 100% effective, I know a few women who poked holes in them to get more kids.  I had to sign a consent form for my husband to get a vasectomy so no they are not always in charge of their birth control.

"If he is smart he will also only be engaging in sex with a woman who is also protecting herself from an unwanted pregnancy.  He should know his partner well enough to know what her views are on having children, and abortion."  We lie, I just read a post a few days ago about a woman who trapped her boyfriend now husband saying she was on birth control and really was not.

"Also, in no state can a woman legally put a child up for adoption without the consent of the biological father."  That is not true my friend did it,  told them she did not know who the father was she was drunk, the agency put a add in the newspaper asking someone to come forward and when no one did the adoption went thru.  The thing is she knew who the father was but she did not want a abortion nor did she want the baby and if the father got custody she did not want to pay CS.

"As a taxpayer, I see no reason why I should have to pay to support a child that the "man" is responsible for. "  A man is 50% responsible yet has 1% of rights which is his right to have sex or not.  You do not want tax payers to be on the hook fine, if the mother cannot afford it by herself then force her to put the kid up for adoption or force abortion. 

"Instead of finding ways of getting men off the hook, why don't we encourage men to be more responsible for their choices."  Lets do the same to women  but then again Why should women be responsible after all, they have a lot more options then a man.

Quoting Carmel63:

I believe your post makes you look very uneducated, and not very bright.

A man has an obvious way of ensuring he does not become a father without his consent, and that is to make sure he uses a condom properly every single time he has sex.  He is in charge of his own birth control.  If he is smart he will also only be engaging in sex with a woman who is also protecting herself from an unwanted pregnancy.  He should know his partner well enough to know what her views are on having children, and abortion.

.Also, in no state can a woman legally put a child up for adoption without the consent of the biological father.

Only a woman can get pregnant, therefore only a woman can have an abortion.

As a taxpayer, I see no reason why I should have to pay to support a child that the "man" is responsible for. 

Instead of finding ways of getting men off the hook, why don't we encourage men to be more responsible for their choices.





Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on May. 1, 2014 at 5:06 PM
1 mom liked this

 It's a known, and necessary, double standard, suck it up, or zip it up.....it's not like it's a surprise, or that you have no way to prevent it.  If you want to play, you may have to pay........

wamom223
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2014 at 5:06 PM
2 moms liked this

So as women we are just blessed with these rights but men need to be more responsible to have the right to choices?  That is crap!   Both parties should be choosing their partners wisely and if a women get's knocked up by a dbag then it is her fault, as long as it is a guys fault because someone tricked him into getting her pregnant.  

Quoting Anonymous:

This is why as a man you don't have sex with just anyone.

You have sex with someone you trust completely, and would be on the same page with in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.

If men did this, there'd be far less unwanted babies out there.

Women should do the same, but I'm saying, if he wants his rights, those are his choices.


suzanneyea
by on May. 1, 2014 at 5:06 PM

Life isn't fair or equal. Men get the short end of the stick on this issue and women get it on other issues.

MandaRose83
by Member on May. 1, 2014 at 5:07 PM

I always thought men could sign their rights away? 

iamcafemom83
by Ruby Member on May. 1, 2014 at 5:07 PM
I suppose they do...but...it's better than preaching abstinence. At least it reduces the chances of pregnancy.
It would be nice if men could share the burden of chemical birth control.


Quoting JTROX:

We hear all the time that the woman was on bc, but it failed.

Condoms fail to.

Quoting iamcafemom83: Condoms everytime.
Consensual sex is fine and good...men need to protect themselves.

You choose not to, you're opening yourself up for the possibility of pregnancy. If I were a guy I wouldn't leave bc up to the woman if I didn't want kids.

angelenia
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2014 at 5:07 PM
What options do you propose men have?

Quoting A-nony-mous:

Look at this thread. 99% of the women here don't believe men should basically have any say in anything to do with pregnancy OR parenting. That's why I said what I said. They believe that they should have the right to decide for him what happens with his sperm. It's sad. Birth control isn't a his or her issue. It's not an individual or gender-based issue. If you consent to sex, then you bear some responsibility but I don't think we're getting anywhere with this idea of "You wrap yours and I'll wrap mine". Both are responsible and until more people think of it as both's responsibility we get this annoying Princess syndrome on display on this thread where women think it's entirely men's responsibility, and some men think it's entirely women's responsibility, etc.

Women want to shriek "IT'S MY BODY!!!" about choices and to hold biology against men. Yes, it's unfortunate that men can't get pregnant. That's STILL not good enough since you have options. He should have options too. That's only fair...something that all these feminists insist that they want. Gender EQUALITY, right? Minimizing the gender gap as much as possible, right? Why not here? It's hypocrisy yet again. Feminism when it's for female superiority and when it benefits them but heaven forbid they give men any choices or help.  

Quoting mommy_me: You must have a very low opinion of people in general. Not a single person I know would say "shut up and give me your money deadbeat" to their children's father. You must have been burned by child support in some way.

And if it's fair to a man to not be able to walk away from his responsibility is moot until a man can give birth.
A man should not be able to knock up 20 women a month and be able to walk away from those babies. How is THAT fair?


Quoting Anonymous:

So can she and there's far far far more birth control options for women then men. Men have one, condoms. Women have hormonal and non-hormonal IUDs, The Patch, probably over 20 different types of birth control 'pills', Depo Provera, Norplant implants, diaphragms, birth control sponge. The list goes on. Stil the bottom line is that BOTH are responsible when conception occurrs but only she gets a say and gets to decide whether to parent or not parent. Even though BOTH consented to sex, BOTH failed somewhere along the lines with birth control because conception happened. She gets ultimate say and power and he gets nothing. He gets told to shut up, it's entire his fault, HE was the reason it happened and GIMME YOUR MONEY DEADBEAT ASSHOLE. If a woman wants to continue a pregnancy, that's her business, but she shouldn't be making that decision under the assumption that he will fund it (or the baby) or that it's his job. If he doesn't want a baby and she does, she can assume 100% of those costs. It was BOTH their fault a conception occurred and they should BOTH have a say. If he can't have any sort of legal say over abortion (which I mostly agree with) then he should at least have the option of walking away. Afterall, it's her body right? Thus the baby is entirely hers now. She decided, on her own, to continue the pregnancy.  

Quoting mommy_me: Can a man not take control of his sperm like a woman does her uterus? Condoms and a vasectomy are very reliable ways to have options.
If a man doesn't want a child he doesn't have to refrain be from sex. He just has to use birth control. And if used properly they are what,99.9% effective?

I refuse to fall into this woe is men who can't bail out because they didn't want to wrap up their dick but don't want the responsibility that comes from his irresponsible actions

aurora.dove
by on May. 1, 2014 at 5:09 PM

I agree with you. 

stringtheory
by on May. 1, 2014 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Abortion is NOT about the baby, and until a fetus can be transplanted into a man until viable, he gets no say regarding a woman's pregnancy. If they really wanted that responsibility, they (men) have been the majority in biology and medical research for long enough to figure it out...priorities, I guess.
Eta: I meant to point out, once born, it IS about the child, and it is not fair to the CHILD for dad to get out of parenting (financially or physically, finance being the only way to allow men THEIR autonomous rights to not be present...go figure).
Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on May. 1, 2014 at 5:11 PM
LOL I thought the hippie looking "chick" in the OP was the Harry Potter kid with a dreddlock wig on...
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN