I see my children so carefree and know I made the right choice. As for myself, every knock, truck engine, phone call scare me. I know if he finds me, that he will make sure the children never see again and continue the cycle of abuse.
I keep having nightmares anytime I close my eyes. I've been shaking for the past hour scared he's found me. I'm getting a protection order against him and a restraining order against his dad. None of my husband's family should be anywhere near my children.
Sorry if it's so long. I'm scared and won't be able to keep up this charade of false happiness much longer.
He has been to the courthouse after I left. He also was at my oldest child's school after I left to disenroll him. My protection order was not granted. Have court on the 14th. No work this weekend so I'm clear until my next scheduled day. All for now.
He has showed up again to daycare. Since I have no job, I see no point taking them. Rent is due in the morning and I don't have it. I also have other bills to pay and with no job can't pay those either. My dad has the monetary means to get me a vehicle of my own but would rather make my brother, who is in Japan, give me his. He can't very well get insurance and tags while in Japan. I'm feeling discouraged more and more now. I know I made the right choice but I feel I'm being punished. My mom and aunt have done all they can do. My aunt us was an attorney years ago. She has advised me to stop talking to the one person that has made this somewhat bearable. He has kept me going and gives me the support and encouragement I need. Now I am not allowed to talk to him ever again without risking my children getting taken away. I am crying writing this because I know I'm alone. Without my friend, my only friend, I am alone. I have still talked to him(my friend)since leaving my husband. He gives support. Reminds me just how well I'm doing. My family just points out my parenting flaws and tells me if I screw this up I truly will be alone. Why me? Why am I being punished for doing the right thing...