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Final update: UPDATE: Update: My SIL just dropped her twins off at my house with a note

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My 16 year old DD called me and said when she got home from school my brothers widow had dropped my niece and nephew off (they are 5) with a note that says she is too depressed and saddened by her husband (my brothers death) and that she cant be a mom right now. My dd said from what she gathered they had been there for a while and were crying. I rushed home from work. It also said that she is leaving and going overseas for a while. I am guessing she is going back to Italy because she is from Italy. I seriously am not sure what my next step is. I of course will care for them they are my late brothers children but I am scared if I call anyone they will get taken by the state and go into foster homes and they need to be with family. They just lost their dad in a military accident 8 months ago and now their mom abandons them. My cousin said to call CPS or at least the police. But I am not sure who to call. Any ideas? These poor babies. My husband said not to do anything until we talk to a lawyer and he gets home. He is flying in from Dallas where he was on business to help me with this. I don't know what to do. The kids wont stop crying and asking for their mom. All I can do is hold them and tell them it will be okay. How can a mom do this to their babies. I feel sad and do not even know what to tell them. I am hoping she comes to her senses.

Update:

Just wanted to let you guys know she wouldn't answer my calls or my texts but I just noticed when I looked on Facebook to see if she had posted anything recently that she posted 30 minutes ago.

"Taking off in 30 minutes, cannot wait to be home and start my life over."

Then underneath people are asking about her children and she is saying that my husband I asked her if we could adopt them and that we all agreed it would be better for the children if we adopted them and they stayed in the states.

People are calling her out calling her a bad mother and saying that she is stupid for doing that. I could go on there very easily and call her out and tell the truth but I think I will wait for my husband to get home and just copy and paste the whole damn thing.I wonder if she realizes i am on her page.

Sorry this doesnt sound like someone who has had a breakdown to me but maybe I am wrong.


Update2:  She called me during her layover. She said that she was sorry but that she knows she was never meant to be a mother. She only had children to make my brother happy. She said she knows she is being selfish but she has to do this. She was pretty non specific on why she was going there. She did say she was staying with her brother. She also told me she would sign any papers I needed so that i can have custody of them.  I asked her if she wanted to say goodbye to her kids and she said no and for me just to them that she loves them. She said that she left a key under the porch at her house so I could get their stuff. She said she had them all packed for them. As well as birth cert and ss cards. I do not even know how to break this to 5 year olds but  they can stay with us. My DH and I are meeting with a family lawyer tomorrow.



Final Update:

Lawyer said not to call CPS as long as she is willing to sign over custody as she says she is. But if she is not CPS will have to become involved. We do need to file a report with the police about what she did yesterday because it was not only abandonment but it was also child endangerment. Which is a crime that we must report if we know about it.  So, if she walks back on American soil she will probably be arrested for child endangerment. My friend went to her house. I gave her permission to check in the house with the key where she told me it was. I know its not my house and if anything is missing and I take full responsibility but this person wouldn't steal anything. She was not there but the children stuff was packed. So everything was as she said. We do plan on filing for custody. That doesn't mean we plan to adopt. that will come later. We are taking the kids to the lake this weekend to go boating and fishing. Hopefully that will get their mind off of stuff. But the have asked about their mom. I have told them their mom had to go away for a while. I figured this was the best thing to say at this point. Thanks for all of the well wishes. I do hope if she is having a breakdown she gets the help she needs. but I could never leave my children like that no matter what has happened. If my husband had died. I believe I would have wanted to hold on to the only things that would remind me of mine and his love the most. But maybe everyone doesn't feel that way when they are grieving.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 4:55 PM
Replies (51-60):
MommyKir
by Kay on May. 2, 2014 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Just tell them that mommy needed a vacation for a little bit, because of how sad she has been, and needs to feel better to be a better mommy, so they get lots of sleep overs with you while she is away. And if you want her to get them back when she is ready do not call CPS or anything, they may take the kids and view her as unfit making it very hard for her to get them back.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 5:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Omfg get over it. So she dropped them off with you. You are family, shit that's gotta count. Grief affects everyone differently. You have them now work on keeping them but do not get on here and bitch about her/situation!!!!

Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry I agree she did the right thing by dropping them with people love them because I do . But dont act like she did these kids a favor. She abandoned them. Dont act like that was the greatest gift ever.

Quoting Anonymous: I would rather her drop them off with you than just abandon them. She needs a break. She absolutely did the right thing, how dare you ask how could she.. Unless you have been in her shoes don't hold it against her that she chose you to leave her babies with.. Not trying to be snarky but cut her some slack. Would you have rather her call cps n put them in foster care where they could be split up n its a pain to get them even though you are family, while she gets the help she needs. So chin up wait for your hubby and def get a lawyer.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 5:19 PM
This is not a CPS matter because she gave the kids to family. Contact a lawyer ASAP.
briellesmomma
by Velvet on May. 2, 2014 at 5:20 PM
2 moms liked this
She's grieving. No it may not be the way some of you ladies think she should but she knew her limitations.

Good luck to those babies. It's going to be really hard on them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 5:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with 100%! I am a newly widow too! One thing I have learned no one really understands bereavement,especially losing a spouse,my husband was my best friend,an awesome father,husband,and great man in our community. I don't know where I would be,if my daughters were younger,my youngest was 16,my older daughter became her everything,I couldn't focus on her,my house,my health,etc. Your sil sounds like she tried to hold it together,until she couldnt no more. Please,Please,don't call DHS,or the police,right now focus on finding her,let her know the family wants to help her,and the children. My in-laws have been a blessing to me,I'm so grateful! And, to all the people who are saying call the police, I didn't know it was a crime to be a widow with kids,depressed,and aloned! My prayers are with you all!

Quoting LiesLiesLies: Do NOT call CPS. Get in contact with her or wait for her to contact you and get a legal order of guardianship drawn up. The children DO NOT need to be taken and placed with strangers which is what will happen.

She may have had some sort of break...do the children not have passports? Maybe she couldn't take them? Grief can screw someone up...bad.
krusesbaby
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:21 PM
Call a lawyer. And her! She can sign over her rights if she wants tondo that. You neednto know where their ssns are and birthcertificates etc...
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 5:21 PM
The only outside person I'd talk to is a lawyer and my biggest question would be about things like how to take them to a dr and (I'm guessing they are either in school or should be enrolled next school year) considering you don't have power of attorney or guardianship (legally speaking)

Those poor kids. I'd defiantly plan something fun this weekend.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 5:21 PM

Keep them until you can talk to a Lawyer-and save that note! If she cannot be contacted, then they CAN be left woth you. CPS always prefers to use qualified family over Foster care (for one it is cheaper)

Missdameanor
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:22 PM
Preach it. Do not call CPS!

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting LiesLiesLies: They won't take them from her? Really? Where does this expert knowledge come from? Because they can...will and do take children from family members they were abandoned with every day...and it can take months to get them back...if not years.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you need to call CPS. They wont take them from you if you are willing to take care of them. But you need to get the paperwork started as power of attorney so you will be able to take them to the Drs and what not. 

Yes because you know it all. We forgot the CM knowitall is back. No they WONT take the kids from family as long as she does what it takes to become their legal gaurdians. 

Missdameanor
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:22 PM
Preach it. Do not call CPS!

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting LiesLiesLies: They won't take them from her? Really? Where does this expert knowledge come from? Because they can...will and do take children from family members they were abandoned with every day...and it can take months to get them back...if not years.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you need to call CPS. They wont take them from you if you are willing to take care of them. But you need to get the paperwork started as power of attorney so you will be able to take them to the Drs and what not. 

Yes because you know it all. We forgot the CM knowitall is back. No they WONT take the kids from family as long as she does what it takes to become their legal gaurdians. 

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