Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Final update: UPDATE: Update: My SIL just dropped her twins off at my house with a note

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My 16 year old DD called me and said when she got home from school my brothers widow had dropped my niece and nephew off (they are 5) with a note that says she is too depressed and saddened by her husband (my brothers death) and that she cant be a mom right now. My dd said from what she gathered they had been there for a while and were crying. I rushed home from work. It also said that she is leaving and going overseas for a while. I am guessing she is going back to Italy because she is from Italy. I seriously am not sure what my next step is. I of course will care for them they are my late brothers children but I am scared if I call anyone they will get taken by the state and go into foster homes and they need to be with family. They just lost their dad in a military accident 8 months ago and now their mom abandons them. My cousin said to call CPS or at least the police. But I am not sure who to call. Any ideas? These poor babies. My husband said not to do anything until we talk to a lawyer and he gets home. He is flying in from Dallas where he was on business to help me with this. I don't know what to do. The kids wont stop crying and asking for their mom. All I can do is hold them and tell them it will be okay. How can a mom do this to their babies. I feel sad and do not even know what to tell them. I am hoping she comes to her senses.

Update:

Just wanted to let you guys know she wouldn't answer my calls or my texts but I just noticed when I looked on Facebook to see if she had posted anything recently that she posted 30 minutes ago.

"Taking off in 30 minutes, cannot wait to be home and start my life over."

Then underneath people are asking about her children and she is saying that my husband I asked her if we could adopt them and that we all agreed it would be better for the children if we adopted them and they stayed in the states.

People are calling her out calling her a bad mother and saying that she is stupid for doing that. I could go on there very easily and call her out and tell the truth but I think I will wait for my husband to get home and just copy and paste the whole damn thing.I wonder if she realizes i am on her page.

Sorry this doesnt sound like someone who has had a breakdown to me but maybe I am wrong.


Update2:  She called me during her layover. She said that she was sorry but that she knows she was never meant to be a mother. She only had children to make my brother happy. She said she knows she is being selfish but she has to do this. She was pretty non specific on why she was going there. She did say she was staying with her brother. She also told me she would sign any papers I needed so that i can have custody of them.  I asked her if she wanted to say goodbye to her kids and she said no and for me just to them that she loves them. She said that she left a key under the porch at her house so I could get their stuff. She said she had them all packed for them. As well as birth cert and ss cards. I do not even know how to break this to 5 year olds but  they can stay with us. My DH and I are meeting with a family lawyer tomorrow.



Final Update:

Lawyer said not to call CPS as long as she is willing to sign over custody as she says she is. But if she is not CPS will have to become involved. We do need to file a report with the police about what she did yesterday because it was not only abandonment but it was also child endangerment. Which is a crime that we must report if we know about it.  So, if she walks back on American soil she will probably be arrested for child endangerment. My friend went to her house. I gave her permission to check in the house with the key where she told me it was. I know its not my house and if anything is missing and I take full responsibility but this person wouldn't steal anything. She was not there but the children stuff was packed. So everything was as she said. We do plan on filing for custody. That doesn't mean we plan to adopt. that will come later. We are taking the kids to the lake this weekend to go boating and fishing. Hopefully that will get their mind off of stuff. But the have asked about their mom. I have told them their mom had to go away for a while. I figured this was the best thing to say at this point. Thanks for all of the well wishes. I do hope if she is having a breakdown she gets the help she needs. but I could never leave my children like that no matter what has happened. If my husband had died. I believe I would have wanted to hold on to the only things that would remind me of mine and his love the most. But maybe everyone doesn't feel that way when they are grieving.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 2, 2014 at 4:55 PM
Replies (31-40):
Tay06
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:07 PM

 If you call the cops, the mother will get arrested.  I'm not against that, but I was just letting you know.  I agree with your husband.

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:08 PM

i dont know how moms do it but 3 skids were dropped off by a sitter with all their clothes 20 bucks and a letter from bm stating she had to figure out her life.  I hope everything works out and hopefully she can atleast give you something to legally be their guardians. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 2, 2014 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I do think you should talk with a lawyer first, to figure out the best option. DO NOT listen to the women telling you CPS will rip those children from your arms - most likely they've had bad experiences with the agency because of their own bad choices. I have worked in the system as a guardian ad litem, and I assure you, the first option they look for is kinship care: a willing a suitable family member. If one is available (such as yourself) they will not place the kids with a foster family. 

I am sorry for your loss, OP. 

momoftwo0406
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:08 PM
Oh my I'm so sorry. I hope your husband gets home soon and you guys can figure out how to comfort these kids and figure out how to get them. Can you guys afford to take on another 2 kids?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 2, 2014 at 5:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I dont think its a huge reaction. She left her children on my porch for god knows how long with a note saaying she cant be a mom.

Quoting Anonymous:

This is a huge over reaction. She could get there and turn right back around seeing her mistake and getting clear headed. It could take a week. But either way I wouldn't have told anyone and I certainly wouldn't be jumping through hoops to become guardians so quickly. Its not unreasonable to watch your brothers kids for a week or two with hopes that mom just needs a break and comes back. 

I get that your trying to protect them and yourself but at the same time this just happened I don't think you should have told so many people about it so quickly especially ones on board for calling CPS or cops so quickly.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 2, 2014 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

You can go to court and file for emergancy temporary custody. and you can notify CPS. first off CPS isn't going to take children to put in their system if they're in a stable caring enviornment with relatives. They look for relatives first in most cases. Second, if you got custody through the courts you're the legal guardian.

Explain to the judge mom is grieving and depressed. left the kids with you and you want temporary legal custody for as long as she needs you to have them. This coudl eventually be permenant custody if you (and she) so wish or if she doesn't come back.

luckysevenwow
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Be thankful she had enough sense to take them to someone she knew would take care of them....it could of been a much different scenario.


Talk to a lawyer.
owl0210
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:10 PM
You have no idea if they will take them temporarily so why take that risk?
Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting LiesLiesLies: They won't take them from her? Really? Where does this expert knowledge come from? Because they can...will and do take children from family members they were abandoned with every day...and it can take months to get them back...if not years.



Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you need to call CPS. They wont take them from you if you are willing to take care of them. But you need to get the paperwork started as power of attorney so you will be able to take them to the Drs and what not. 

Yes because you know it all. We forgot the CM knowitall is back. No they WONT take the kids from family as long as she does what it takes to become their legal gaurdians. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Foolynroo2
by Emerald Member on May. 2, 2014 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this

If you can't contact the mother to get her to sign over guardianship, retain a lawyer, and then if they say to, call CPS and they will work with you to establish guardianship. You're going to need it.

Good luck

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 2, 2014 at 5:11 PM
2 moms liked this

Yes, actually we have one in college and one in highschool. We are planning to adopt this year and are in the process. We can take our niece and nephew in if need be.

Quoting momoftwo0406: Oh my I'm so sorry. I hope your husband gets home soon and you guys can figure out how to comfort these kids and figure out how to get them. Can you guys afford to take on another 2 kids?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)