Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

so at what point do I tell him...so I told him

Posted by   + Show Post

OK. So I just moved from South Florida to Ohio to live with my boyfriend. We've only been together about a month BUT we were together for 7 months 6 years ago and lived together back then.

He knows pretty much everything about me. We talk about almost everything for hrs. We have shared so much about ourselves but I've left one major thing out...my mental health issues. I'm bi polar I and borderline. I am not medicated. I choose to treat with therapy and behavior modification instead.

His ex wife is BiPolar and misused her medication and soured him completely on people with those sorts of issues. He put her through 3 rehabs before giving up and leaving her. I'm afraid if he finds out it will scare him off.

So...when and how do I tell him this? Or is it something better left unsaid? He knows about my past drug addictions and the fact that I am an abuse survivor and he is willing to deal with those things. Is this something he HAS to know? Especially since I am not medicated?

ETA: Well, I told him last night. He got very quiet. Asked for a moment to precess and went outside for a cigarette. When he came back in he was very calm and he said he thought he could handle it, seeing as I seem to be very self aware and willing to deal with my ilness in a safe, productive manner and  I am nothing like his ex wife.  He said he was hurt I'd held back but he understood my reasons and that he wasnt angry with me.

 He then proceeded to make a confession to me as well. He actually handed me his phone to read a conversation between him and his ex wife. Apparently, like the week before he and i started talking he was talking to her about moving up here to reunite his family and try again. She was actually considering leaving her long time boyfriend to come back to him...but the day he and i started talking (and at the time we were only talking as friends) he told her he was having second thoughts and she said she was too and they opted not to reunite.

So we were both holding something back. We ended up having a long talk aboutthe need to be totally open with eachother about everything and how because things happened so fast this time, there had been an element of fear on both our parts but now that i'm here,  moved in and we are happy together and feel safe we need to let that fear go. 

So it went better than I thought it would, though I did find something out I dont necessarily like but if he can get past my mental illness, I can get past him almost getting bacl together with his ex wife,

by on May. 3, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Replies (11-20):
Joie35
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:10 PM
I wasn't diagnosed 6 years ago.

Quoting SamiJ18: You should have told him 6 years ago. Since you didn't, now would be a good time.
abecee
by on May. 3, 2014 at 7:10 PM

I would want to know the mental conditions of everyone living in the same home I am.

Sara-1989
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:10 PM
You have shitty judgment to move your kids across country to live neither a guy after a month.


They won't be happy long.

Quoting Joie35: Don't bother feeling sorry for them. I'm happy. They are happy. His kids are happy. We are all good.

Quoting Sara-1989: That should have been told before moving in together. And you should never rice in with someone after a month. That won't end well. I feel sorry for your children.
Joie35
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:11 PM
Ugh. So scary. I just picked up my entire life and moved it across the country to start a life with this man...i know he deserves to know but I was hoping maybe after he lived with me a while so he could see I'm not a repeat of his ex wife.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry, but that's something you need to tell him.  If he can't deal, he can't deal and that would luck for you, but you should give him the option of wanting to or not.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 7:11 PM
Very many problems...

So it still does cause problems. This is something you should have discussed with him before moving in with him. Lies of omission are still lies.

Quoting Joie35: That's kinda what I was thinking. I don't want to dump everything on his head at once. Maybe after he's lived with me a while and can understand it isn't something that causes very many problems these days.

Quoting Pandapanda:

I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

othermom
by Ruby Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:12 PM

Tell him right away, that way if he can not deal with it you don't put a lot of time in to a relationship that wont work

Joie35
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:12 PM
Their dad currently has primary custody. They will be with us in the summer and every other major holiday.

Quoting Sara-1989: You have shitty judgment to move your kids across country to live neither a guy after a month.


They won't be happy long.

Quoting Joie35: Don't bother feeling sorry for them. I'm happy. They are happy. His kids are happy. We are all good.

Quoting Sara-1989: That should have been told before moving in together. And you should never rice in with someone after a month. That won't end well. I feel sorry for your children.
Joie35
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:13 PM
The only issue I've had in the last 6months plus is insomnia. I tend towards.mania rather than depression so when I am in a manic.phase I don't sleep well. Otherwise, I've learned to channel my behavior into positive outlets.

Quoting Anonymous: Very many problems...

So it still does cause problems. This is something you should have discussed with him before moving in with him. Lies of omission are still lies.

Quoting Joie35: That's kinda what I was thinking. I don't want to dump everything on his head at once. Maybe after he's lived with me a while and can understand it isn't something that causes very many problems these days.

Quoting Pandapanda:

I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

Joie35
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:14 PM
I'm just afraid I'll end up with nowhere to go.

Quoting othermom:

Tell him right away, that way if he can not deal with it you don't put a lot of time in to a relationship that wont work

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 7:17 PM
Still. You need to give HIM the chance to decide whether this is something he wants to deal with, not make the decision for him and then tell him "See? It's not a problem!" Not only that, but give him the chance to decide whether he wants his kids to have to deal with that.

Quoting Joie35: The only issue I've had in the last 6months plus is insomnia. I tend towards.mania rather than depression so when I am in a manic.phase I don't sleep well. Otherwise, I've learned to channel my behavior into positive outlets.

Quoting Anonymous: Very many problems...

So it still does cause problems. This is something you should have discussed with him before moving in with him. Lies of omission are still lies.

Quoting Joie35: That's kinda what I was thinking. I don't want to dump everything on his head at once. Maybe after he's lived with me a while and can understand it isn't something that causes very many problems these days.

Quoting Pandapanda:

I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)