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so at what point do I tell him...so I told him

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OK. So I just moved from South Florida to Ohio to live with my boyfriend. We've only been together about a month BUT we were together for 7 months 6 years ago and lived together back then.

He knows pretty much everything about me. We talk about almost everything for hrs. We have shared so much about ourselves but I've left one major thing out...my mental health issues. I'm bi polar I and borderline. I am not medicated. I choose to treat with therapy and behavior modification instead.

His ex wife is BiPolar and misused her medication and soured him completely on people with those sorts of issues. He put her through 3 rehabs before giving up and leaving her. I'm afraid if he finds out it will scare him off.

So...when and how do I tell him this? Or is it something better left unsaid? He knows about my past drug addictions and the fact that I am an abuse survivor and he is willing to deal with those things. Is this something he HAS to know? Especially since I am not medicated?

ETA: Well, I told him last night. He got very quiet. Asked for a moment to precess and went outside for a cigarette. When he came back in he was very calm and he said he thought he could handle it, seeing as I seem to be very self aware and willing to deal with my ilness in a safe, productive manner and  I am nothing like his ex wife.  He said he was hurt I'd held back but he understood my reasons and that he wasnt angry with me.

 He then proceeded to make a confession to me as well. He actually handed me his phone to read a conversation between him and his ex wife. Apparently, like the week before he and i started talking he was talking to her about moving up here to reunite his family and try again. She was actually considering leaving her long time boyfriend to come back to him...but the day he and i started talking (and at the time we were only talking as friends) he told her he was having second thoughts and she said she was too and they opted not to reunite.

So we were both holding something back. We ended up having a long talk aboutthe need to be totally open with eachother about everything and how because things happened so fast this time, there had been an element of fear on both our parts but now that i'm here,  moved in and we are happy together and feel safe we need to let that fear go. 

So it went better than I thought it would, though I did find something out I dont necessarily like but if he can get past my mental illness, I can get past him almost getting bacl together with his ex wife,

by on May. 3, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 3, 2014 at 7:17 PM

I get it....I have a fertility issue that I needed to be upfront about with my Dh.  He was glad I told him and was accepting of it and what it meant for our future.  But if I had kept it from him, and he had fallen in love with me, even if the fertility wasn't the deal breaker, the keeping it from him very well may have been.  I understand where you're coming from but it's better to get it all out there and ask him to give you a chance.

Quoting Joie35: Ugh. So scary. I just picked up my entire life and moved it across the country to start a life with this man...i know he deserves to know but I was hoping maybe after he lived with me a while so he could see I'm not a repeat of his ex wife.
Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry, but that's something you need to tell him.  If he can't deal, he can't deal and that would luck for you, but you should give him the option of wanting to or not.


curvygurl1912
by Renee on May. 3, 2014 at 7:17 PM

You should have told him before you moved your kids from Florida to Ohio to live with him.

Shy_Dia
by Ruby Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:18 PM

lol other than marriage, i dont think you can get any more committed. they live together!


i'd just sit him down and talk with him now. when was your last episode or whatever? be sure to include that. 'hey, i know your ex did some really shady things, but i have to be honest and say i have bipolar too. i'm not on medicine and it's easily handled with therapy. i'm sorry that i havent told you about it before but i felt you'd shy away and you've seen me day in and day out for a month now and i'm still doing ok.'... or something like that

Quoting Pandapanda:

I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 


Joie35
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:19 PM
I just don't want the dx to scare him off before he has a chance to see that it.really isn't such a scary thing.

Quoting Anonymous: Still. You need to give HIM the chance to decide whether this is something he wants to deal with, not make the decision for him and then tell him "See? It's not a problem!" Not only that, but give him the chance to decide whether he wants his kids to have to deal with that.

Quoting Joie35: The only issue I've had in the last 6months plus is insomnia. I tend towards.mania rather than depression so when I am in a manic.phase I don't sleep well. Otherwise, I've learned to channel my behavior into positive outlets.

Quoting Anonymous: Very many problems...

So it still does cause problems. This is something you should have discussed with him before moving in with him. Lies of omission are still lies.

Quoting Joie35: That's kinda what I was thinking. I don't want to dump everything on his head at once. Maybe after he's lived with me a while and can understand it isn't something that causes very many problems these days.

Quoting Pandapanda:

I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

Miller0305
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:19 PM
She says her kids live with their dad smh

Quoting curvygurl1912:

You should have told him before you moved your kids from Florida to Ohio to live with him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 3, 2014 at 7:20 PM
Do you think it's fair to make that decision for him?

Quoting Joie35: I just don't want the dx to scare him off before he has a chance to see that it.really isn't such a scary thing.

Quoting Anonymous: Still. You need to give HIM the chance to decide whether this is something he wants to deal with, not make the decision for him and then tell him "See? It's not a problem!" Not only that, but give him the chance to decide whether he wants his kids to have to deal with that.

Quoting Joie35: The only issue I've had in the last 6months plus is insomnia. I tend towards.mania rather than depression so when I am in a manic.phase I don't sleep well. Otherwise, I've learned to channel my behavior into positive outlets.

Quoting Anonymous: Very many problems...

So it still does cause problems. This is something you should have discussed with him before moving in with him. Lies of omission are still lies.

Quoting Joie35: That's kinda what I was thinking. I don't want to dump everything on his head at once. Maybe after he's lived with me a while and can understand it isn't something that causes very many problems these days.

Quoting Pandapanda:

I would give it some time. Does he need to know? Sure, if you plan on having a committed relationship. Does he need to know right away? I don't think so. 

Joie35
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:20 PM
I see your point. Maybe his next night off or the next time we are talking seriously I will broach the subject. I just have to figure out the best way to do it.

Quoting Anonymous:

I get it....I have a fertility issue that I needed to be upfront about with my Dh.  He was glad I told him and was accepting of it and what it meant for our future.  But if I had kept it from him, and he had fallen in love with me, even if the fertility wasn't the deal breaker, the keeping it from him very well may have been.  I understand where you're coming from but it's better to get it all out there and ask him to give you a chance.

Quoting Joie35: Ugh. So scary. I just picked up my entire life and moved it across the country to start a life with this man...i know he deserves to know but I was hoping maybe after he lived with me a while so he could see I'm not a repeat of his ex wife.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sorry, but that's something you need to tell him.  If he can't deal, he can't deal and that would luck for you, but you should give him the option of wanting to or not.

jjames1990
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:20 PM
Ignore her, she loves to spread cheer!

Tell him soon, he deserves full disclosure

Quoting Joie35: Don't bother feeling sorry for them. I'm happy. They are happy. His kids are happy. We are all good.

Quoting Sara-1989: That should have been told before moving in together. And you should never rice in with someone after a month. That won't end well. I feel sorry for your children.
Joie35
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:21 PM
I didn't move my kids. They live with their dad for now. I will have them summers and every other major holiday for now.

Quoting curvygurl1912:

You should have told him before you moved your kids from Florida to Ohio to live with him.

littlesippycup
by Ruby Member on May. 3, 2014 at 7:21 PM

Yes all children love living with mommys new man after only a month!! Children just crave instability!!

Quoting Joie35: Don't bother feeling sorry for them. I'm happy. They are happy. His kids are happy. We are all good.
Quoting Sara-1989: That should have been told before moving in together. And you should never rice in with someone after a month. That won't end well. I feel sorry for your children.


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