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Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 8:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 8:13 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 4, 2014 at 8:13 AM
1 mom liked this

You are an adult and you can make an adult decision.  This person tried to return you to the court system and didn't want to take responsibilty for you.  Why would you feel obligated?  When her adoption plan didn't turn out the way she wanted, she tried to take you back for a refund.  I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's what I see here.

I would encourage you to get counseling to sort out your feelings about having been given up for adoption and then abandoned by your adoptive mother.  From where I sit, you don't really understand how to accept people doing things for you and I totally get that--I had a mother that honestly didn't like me and it was rough.  It took some serious therapy but I finally realized that I didn't "do" anything to cause the situation and that my parents were just shitty.  I have very little relationship with my parents at this time and my life is so much less stressful and hurtful.  It's just hard for me to have a relationship with people who couldn't wait for me to get out of the house and had so few expectations for me.  That was a different life from the one I have now.

You need to get your husband to talk with his mother because that is who she is going to listen to.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 8:14 AM

Is this post too long and crazy?  Any advice?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 8:44 AM

Thanks for your advice.  You are completely right about me making adult decisions.  Also, I have been thinking about counseling.  It is something I should do.  

Im glad that your current life is much more positive. 

Quoting Anonymous:

You are an adult and you can make an adult decision.  This person tried to return you to the court system and didn't want to take responsibilty for you.  Why would you feel obligated?  When her adoption plan didn't turn out the way she wanted, she tried to take you back for a refund.  I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's what I see here.

I would encourage you to get counseling to sort out your feelings about having been given up for adoption and then abandoned by your adoptive mother.  From where I sit, you don't really understand how to accept people doing things for you and I totally get that--I had a mother that honestly didn't like me and it was rough.  It took some serious therapy but I finally realized that I didn't "do" anything to cause the situation and that my parents were just shitty.  I have very little relationship with my parents at this time and my life is so much less stressful and hurtful.  It's just hard for me to have a relationship with people who couldn't wait for me to get out of the house and had so few expectations for me.  That was a different life from the one I have now.

You need to get your husband to talk with his mother because that is who she is going to listen to.


Lostinindy
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:15 AM
You need to find a good counselor that can help you sort out your feelings. Being pregnant and hormonal doesn't help.

Honestly, I would really examine your relationship with your adopted mom. Are you really getting anything healthy out of it, or are you trying to make her want you? I don't mean that to sound cruel, just a honest look on it.
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krissy920
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:21 AM

being adopted myself i  say either call up your mom/visit her and have a serious talk or let the past  be the past. Some times we all  make piss poor decisions. It sounds like you were not a great teenager and your  mother didnt know what to do. Have you ever talked to her about the past and apologized  and tell her how bad she hurt you and see if she does the same? Shes 74 and shes not going to be around forever, you may want to  communicate with her sooner then later because once shes gone its going to be too late.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, I can agree that we all make poor decisions at times and she probably didn't know the best course of action.  I still have a tough  time understanding how she could have let me go without much of an effort.  She was always pretty hands off during my childhood.  I lived with her since I was 5.  She provided food, shelter, and did her best i suppose.  But there was no real guidance, instruction, or direct teaching.  Shoot, all of her bio adult children had drug problems and she never even said to me, drugs are bad, don't do them. Mits just crazy to me. Particularly since I've talked to my daughter about drugs, puberty, sex, i correct behavoir issues, teach her to be more assertive, polite and considerate.  All of these things and more i teach and talk with my eldest about.  I can't see how a parent wouldn't talk/teach thier child anything and then dump them off when they are having a tough time.  

Yes I've learned how i don't want to parent from her..  Maybe that's why I parent the ay I do

Quoting krissy920:

being adopted myself i  say either call up your mom/visit her and have a serious talk or let the past  be the past. Some times we all  make piss poor decisions. It sounds like you were not a great teenager and your  mother didnt know what to do. Have you ever talked to her about the past and apologized  and tell her how bad she hurt you and see if she does the same? Shes 74 and shes not going to be around forever, you may want to  communicate with her sooner then later because once shes gone its going to be too late.


krissy920
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:54 AM

I hope you get this stuff resolved, being pregnant makes it even harder :( i hope things get better.. we all deserve to feel loved and respected and important.  I think you  were worth fighting for as a child, im wondering if she gave up  because of her other kids :(

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, I can agree that we all make poor decisions at times and she probably didn't know the best course of action.  I still have a tough  time understanding how she could have let me go without much of an effort.  She was always pretty hands off during my childhood.  I lived with her since I was 5.  She provided food, shelter, and did her best i suppose.  But there was no real guidance, instruction, or direct teaching.  Shoot, all of her bio adult children had drug problems and she never even said to me, drugs are bad, don't do them. Mits just crazy to me. Particularly since I've talked to my daughter about drugs, puberty, sex, i correct behavoir issues, teach her to be more assertive, polite and considerate.  All of these things and more i teach and talk with my eldest about.  I can't see how a parent wouldn't talk/teach thier child anything and then dump them off when they are having a tough time.  

Yes I've learned how i don't want to parent from her..  Maybe that's why I parent the ay I do

Quoting krissy920:

being adopted myself i  say either call up your mom/visit her and have a serious talk or let the past  be the past. Some times we all  make piss poor decisions. It sounds like you were not a great teenager and your  mother didnt know what to do. Have you ever talked to her about the past and apologized  and tell her how bad she hurt you and see if she does the same? Shes 74 and shes not going to be around forever, you may want to  communicate with her sooner then later because once shes gone its going to be too late.



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onethentwins
by Ruby Member on May. 4, 2014 at 1:43 PM

 I agree with the previous poster, a good counsellor that specializes in adoption issues to help you work through the rejection and abandonment that's happened to you would really helpful.  Maybe also joining a support group for adoptees. Here's a link to a post about finding a good adoption therapist. I hope you can find someone in your area, if not I'd be happy to help you find one: http://www.cafemom.com/group/14715/forums/read/2316501/Therapists_Specializing_in_Adoption_Issues

Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks for your advice.  You are completely right about me making adult decisions.  Also, I have been thinking about counseling.  It is something I should do.  

Im glad that your current life is much more positive. 

Quoting Anonymous:

You are an adult and you can make an adult decision.  This person tried to return you to the court system and didn't want to take responsibilty for you.  Why would you feel obligated?  When her adoption plan didn't turn out the way she wanted, she tried to take you back for a refund.  I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's what I see here.

I would encourage you to get counseling to sort out your feelings about having been given up for adoption and then abandoned by your adoptive mother.  From where I sit, you don't really understand how to accept people doing things for you and I totally get that--I had a mother that honestly didn't like me and it was rough.  It took some serious therapy but I finally realized that I didn't "do" anything to cause the situation and that my parents were just shitty.  I have very little relationship with my parents at this time and my life is so much less stressful and hurtful.  It's just hard for me to have a relationship with people who couldn't wait for me to get out of the house and had so few expectations for me.  That was a different life from the one I have now.

You need to get your husband to talk with his mother because that is who she is going to listen to.

 

 

Bluerose1482
by Ruby Member on May. 4, 2014 at 1:48 PM

This exactly.  

Quoting Anonymous:

You are an adult and you can make an adult decision.  This person tried to return you to the court system and didn't want to take responsibilty for you.  Why would you feel obligated?  When her adoption plan didn't turn out the way she wanted, she tried to take you back for a refund.  I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's what I see here.

I would encourage you to get counseling to sort out your feelings about having been given up for adoption and then abandoned by your adoptive mother.  From where I sit, you don't really understand how to accept people doing things for you and I totally get that--I had a mother that honestly didn't like me and it was rough.  It took some serious therapy but I finally realized that I didn't "do" anything to cause the situation and that my parents were just shitty.  I have very little relationship with my parents at this time and my life is so much less stressful and hurtful.  It's just hard for me to have a relationship with people who couldn't wait for me to get out of the house and had so few expectations for me.  That was a different life from the one I have now.

You need to get your husband to talk with his mother because that is who she is going to listen to.


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