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Special needs children and divorce rates

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

I'm curious how many women here have gotten a divorce mainly due to their children having special needs. My daughter was diagnosed with autism last year and it's really put a strain on my marriage. We don't have the same outlook on our daughter's life and we don't agree with the way to work with her. I don't see a divorce in the near future but it's certainly making things a whole lot harder than I ever thought they'd be.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 9:31 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 4, 2014 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't say it's because of your child. It's never a good idea to say "I'm getting divorced because my child ______" You guys are considering divorce because you two can't get along and compromise, and that won't get any easier after a divorce.
AJsMom81507
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:40 AM

not true.. i have an ASD child.  he is NOT the reason we divorced but our marriage fell apart due to how we parent an ASD child.

and i have to say things are MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH easier now that we are not together.  we get along better, and he realized the things he would fight me about saying no we cant and shouldnt do it this way, he was wrong about.  when DS has meltdowns with daddy, guess who now calls me to ask how to calm him from them, when DS needs to be diciplined guess who calls me and asks how i do it effectly.

i find it much easier now to get along with the ex.

DS was not the cause of our divorce, but the autism and parenting differences caused a rift.

Quoting Anonymous: Don't say it's because of your child. It's never a good idea to say "I'm getting divorced because my child ______" You guys are considering divorce because you two can't get along and compromise, and that won't get any easier after a divorce.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 4, 2014 at 9:46 AM
So your divorce was because you two couldn't compromise. It had nothing to do with your son's issues, you two probably would have gotten divorced regardless. And I'm glad thing are better now, but I think most people can agree that if they get divorced due to disagreeing on parenting, it's harder now divorced.

Quoting AJsMom81507:

not true.. i have an ASD child.  he is NOT the reason we divorced but our marriage fell apart due to how we parent an ASD child.

and i have to say things are MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH easier now that we are not together.  we get along better, and he realized the things he would fight me about saying no we cant and shouldnt do it this way, he was wrong about.  when DS has meltdowns with daddy, guess who now calls me to ask how to calm him from them, when DS needs to be diciplined guess who calls me and asks how i do it effectly.

i find it much easier now to get along with the ex.

DS was not the cause of our divorce, but the autism and parenting differences caused a rift.

Quoting Anonymous: Don't say it's because of your child. It's never a good idea to say "I'm getting divorced because my child ______" You guys are considering divorce because you two can't get along and compromise, and that won't get any easier after a divorce.

AJsMom81507
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:49 AM

we couldnt agree how to parent our ASD child... we both agree 100% how to parent our NT DD who we had after DS.

his autism caused the parenting issues.  i have many friends who are divorced because of autism, and they have NT children as well.  and since the divorce they get along so much better.

it's amazing what changes occur once the parent who feels what the main caregiver is doing isnt right, when they have the ASD child alone for periods of time.

never met an ASD parent INR yet that said parenting is harder now they are divorced.  its the total opposite, it is much easier because you dont have the other person underminding you... 

Quoting Anonymous: So your divorce was because you two couldn't compromise. It had nothing to do with your son's issues, you two probably would have gotten divorced regardless. And I'm glad thing are better now, but I think most people can agree that if they get divorced due to disagreeing on parenting, it's harder now divorced.
Quoting AJsMom81507:

not true.. i have an ASD child.  he is NOT the reason we divorced but our marriage fell apart due to how we parent an ASD child.

and i have to say things are MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH easier now that we are not together.  we get along better, and he realized the things he would fight me about saying no we cant and shouldnt do it this way, he was wrong about.  when DS has meltdowns with daddy, guess who now calls me to ask how to calm him from them, when DS needs to be diciplined guess who calls me and asks how i do it effectly.

i find it much easier now to get along with the ex.

DS was not the cause of our divorce, but the autism and parenting differences caused a rift.

Quoting Anonymous: Don't say it's because of your child. It's never a good idea to say "I'm getting divorced because my child ______" You guys are considering divorce because you two can't get along and compromise, and that won't get any easier after a divorce.


rjsmommy214
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:49 AM
I have an aunt and uncle with 1 severely handicapped child. She is in her 30s now. Can't walk or talk, has seizures. Another child with autism and one has no health issues, but is extremely defiant. They are still together and have never put their handicapped child in a home. They are amazing people. I can't imagine what it's like to have to care for someone in that way everyday for the rest of your life.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 4, 2014 at 9:51 AM
If anything..our low functioning autistic son has brought us closer together. I've said it before and I'll say it together. Ds is the glue to our whole family.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 4, 2014 at 9:52 AM
Having a sn child can be a strain on any marriage
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 4, 2014 at 9:55 AM
We are headed straight for divorce. He is borderline abusive to our DS in trying to make him mind, and constantly undermines me to the point NONE of the kids will listen to me, and they're terrified pf him. DS is autistic.

Its come down to me hating him.
Mrs.Bryant1201
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:55 AM
Having a child with asd has taught us both to be more patient & understanding.
Sharbear42371
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2014 at 10:05 AM

I believe that the statics of divorce among ppl with sn children are in the 90 percentile.  It does take awhile to get on the same page as a spouse when a child is dxed.  Hang in there momma.  Hugs

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