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Help! How did YOU overcome an emotional affair?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 39 Replies
I know not everyone believes there is even a such thing. .but those who do that have been through it..how did u get trust back and feel secure again? Husband was spending lots of time texting a girl who worked right beside 10 hours a day. He would come home and while I was school or work, he was texting her for 4 hours at a time. Every night or every other. Unfortunately I seen one conversation about how she makes him smile and how he really likes her etc.shes 10 years younger :( we're trying to work it out but it was three separate times I caught him. I know I know..If there's no trust then there is no relationship but I don't wanna give up on marriage so easily. How did u rebuild trust again?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 10:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy404204
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM

I have been through this twice now and this is the last time I will allow it. I am done. we already had trust issues and now Im just done. It is sad because we have a daughter together and I have a 7 year old that sees him as his dad but this past time sent me into a big depression and I was just not nice to be around and I didnt like myself and that is no fair to anyone. Good luck if you want to work on you marriage maybe think of some councling to see what he is getting from those relationships that he isnt getting from you. good luck

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 4, 2014 at 10:29 AM

Yikes, I know my trust would be completely gone and that would be it for me. I would be doing some counseling asap.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 4, 2014 at 10:31 AM
Absolute open communication, ZERO secrets about anything, and years of time
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 10:33 AM
Thank you. I was afraid my first response would be a bash. Wasn't sure I wanted to post here because I'm still kind of raw but need to talk to others that have been through it. He was lying to my face saying he wasn't talking to her outside of work. My intuition told me differently and every time I was right. He claims it was just chit chat. When u work with someone 10 hrs a day then text for 4 hrs a night while barely talking to your wife...that's alot of chit chat. I had him delete her off fb and then he makes his page public so she can still see it. I seen the last conversation between them and it was obvious there were feelings. He says he was just now getting feelings for her but they weren't that strong. Idk why it was worth all the lying and sneaking and holding on if that's true. I just wanted to hear the things he was telling her..it's all I wanted. I know I'm an idiot for staying. Or an idiot period but I never knew it would hurt this deeply.

Quoting mommy404204:

I have been through this twice now and this is the last time I will allow it. I am done. we already had trust issues and now Im just done. It is sad because we have a daughter together and I have a 7 year old that sees him as his dad but this past time sent me into a big depression and I was just not nice to be around and I didnt like myself and that is no fair to anyone. Good luck if you want to work on you marriage maybe think of some councling to see what he is getting from those relationships that he isnt getting from you. good luck

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 10:37 AM
This is Def a stipulation. After being lied to three times about the same girl and situation, I have a hard time believing there aren't any secrets. Granted it hasn't been much time passed.he said he got her moved so they aren't working side by side anymore but I'm just heartbroken.

Quoting Anonymous: Absolute open communication, ZERO secrets about anything, and years of time
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 4, 2014 at 10:43 AM
3 Times is too many, I'd have walked. We were having major problems within our marriage and not communicating at all, until I found out. He started letting me read all his emails and texts, see his phone log, and stopped hanging out with friends for awhile because HE wanted to prove it was a one time fuck up that would never happen again.

Quoting Anonymous: This is Def a stipulation. After being lied to three times about the same girl and situation, I have a hard time believing there aren't any secrets. Granted it hasn't been much time passed.he said he got her moved so they aren't working side by side anymore but I'm just heartbroken.

Quoting Anonymous: Absolute open communication, ZERO secrets about anything, and years of time
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 10:48 AM
The first time I found out I was hurt but understood because we were having issues. We quit communicating and were more like roommates in the same house. So I could see why he was talking to someone else. But that night tears were shed and we promised we were gonna start over and work on us...little did I know he continued to text her.as soon as the next day! Still claims it was nothing but the need to text someone after it almost destroyed your marriage speaks measures. I still don't know if I can move on. We deactivated face book etc. But I'm still a nervous wreck all the time.

Quoting Anonymous: 3 Times is too many, I'd have walked. We were having major problems within our marriage and not communicating at all, until I found out. He started letting me read all his emails and texts, see his phone log, and stopped hanging out with friends for awhile because HE wanted to prove it was a one time fuck up that would never happen again.

Quoting Anonymous: This is Def a stipulation. After being lied to three times about the same girl and situation, I have a hard time believing there aren't any secrets. Granted it hasn't been much time passed.he said he got her moved so they aren't working side by side anymore but I'm just heartbroken.

Quoting Anonymous: Absolute open communication, ZERO secrets about anything, and years of time
Jessy613
by Diamond Member on May. 4, 2014 at 10:49 AM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 4, 2014 at 10:50 AM
I would be less hurt if he went to a bar & met a woman & one thing lead to another, I could not stay around for an intentional affair. Good luck
Sparklepants747
by Queen Annie on May. 4, 2014 at 10:51 AM

I never would. Cheating is cheating. If he's done it once, he will do it again, but he will be sneakier. 

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