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relationship questions

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies
What do you look for in a relationship?? What matters to you?? Does the type of j.ob the man has matter?? Does him having other kids matter?? Does him paying child support matter?? Should them all be part of a factor on whether or not a single mother should date another man?? Im new to this dating thing. Id like other peoples opinions please. Should I not date a guy just because his job ain't the greatest?? Or because he to has kids?? Or because he lives at home with his parents?? Or because he didn't graduate high school?? Or because he doesn't have his own place yet?? Does that make him immature? ? Does that mean he isn't grown up??
Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 12:42 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 12:55 PM
Bump
myperfect4inok
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 12:57 PM
When I was dating I looked for someone with a strong work ethic, good family values and morals. The rest I never thought about. But if he didn't have at least those I would not have dated them.
svolkov
by on May. 4, 2014 at 12:59 PM
Um if he has nojob, no education, and lives withhis mom and isnt a teen lol ththen yeah. Im not superficial but that screams lazy deadbeat with no future. If he is in college and doing well but doesnt yet have a good carreer thatis acceptable.

Intelligence,kindness, humor are important to me
And if hes hot big added bonus lol isl like nerdy types. Like physics major not he has a lego collection type
CGM2012
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 1:00 PM

What do you look for in a relationship?? Well I'm married. I cant say that I was looking for something spacific. Some of the things that attracted me to DH was his love for his family, even though they are not perfect and drive him crazy. I thought it was sweet that even though he was a teenage boy, he remembered his sisters b-day all on his own and bought and personally delivered a card to her. He has a great sense of humor. He truly cares about everyone and would and has given the shirt off his back for any of his family or friends. The way he ran over to make me soup when I was sick. He treats me as an equal in our relationship and takes everything I have to say in and really listens to me.

What matters to you?? All kinds of things. As I mentioned above, those are some of the things that are important.

Does the type of j.ob the man has matter?? Not really. He was in H.S. when we got together then worked part time at the mall for a few years. As long as he is doing what he loves, and is able to pay the bills, that is all that matters.

Does him having other kids matter?? Since I'm not looking, I cant say for sure. I would take it into consideration for what I wanted for the future.

Does him paying child support matter?? I would not be with someone if he had kids and didn't do everything he could to support them financially and emotionally.

Should them all be part of a factor on whether or not a single mother should date another man?? I think everyone needs to make these choices on their own. If I was a single mother I would take all that and then some into consideration. I would want to be with someone who was irresponsible, I couldn't trust to be with me or my children.  

Im new to this dating thing. Id like other peoples opinions please. Should I not date a guy just because his job ain't the greatest?? Or because he to has kids?? Or because he lives at home with his parents?? Or because he didn't graduate high school?? Or because he doesn't have the greatest job?? This is all something you have to figure out yourself and what you want for your life. Is he living with his parents with a crappy job because he is to lazy to do anything else or because he is just having a hard time right now? I think that makes a difference. Does he take care of his kids the best he can? Do you want to be with someone who has kids of their own? If so are you up for the challenge of possibly being a step parent if it gets to that point?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 1:34 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 4, 2014 at 1:39 PM

All of those things matter.  If a man is not paying child support, he's either an ass or can't afford to support you (or be a partner in finances) and that's not okay.  (DO NOT FALL FOR EXCUSES ON WHY...EVER!)

If he bashed his ex, I walked.  If he made excuses for why he never saw his kids, I walked. If he did not have a place of his own, yes, I walked.

Jobs and money take a backseat to handling your business.  If he can't afford to take you out to a nice dinner, that's no big deal.  If he can't afford to pay his light bill...yeah, I have an issue with that.  Work ethic is more important that the paycheck.

lnrmom
by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:44 PM
Everybody is different. I look for compatibility. However, if he can't support himself, I have a problem with that. If he can't talk to me about more than sports and cats, I have a problem with that.

I don't do baby momma drama, so while I prefer a man with kids because I can't have anymore, I do not want a man who has drama between him and her. If he doesn't pay his child support, I have a tremendous problem with that. If he has a brand new *insert big ticket item here* but his kids need new shoes, I have a problem with that.

My mother lives with me because she needs me. So if he's living with his parents for that reason, I'm ok with that. But if it's because he can't take care of himself, 8 have a problem with that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 8:40 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 4, 2014 at 8:47 PM
I married for the second time 2 years ago. I had been divorced for five years. I made a list of everything I wanted in a man 3 years before I met my husband. I realized a few dates in that he literally embodied every item on my list.

It's too long to list out everything I wanted, but basically - someone I respect and desire on an emotional, mental, and physical level, someone who cares about his career but doesn't let it define him, someone educated, someone passionate who is kind and loving...there's a lot more.

He is all that and more. He did have kids, and I don't, but at the time it wasn't a deal breaker. Knowing what I do now though, I may have thought twice. That would be the only thing I would be wary of if I ever found myself dating again.
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