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Ten year old niece fixated on food

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies

My brother's ten year old daughter is fixated on food.  She has been like this for as long as I can remember.  At two, she snuck and ate a hole box of Dunkin Donut holes when no one was looking.  Yeah, okay he and his first wife were lazy parents and should have been paying more attention.  Now, he is remarried to a good person, but they have become the worst food police.  We all live far away, but have a family lakehouse where we get together.  It is miserable and stressful being around this daughter and their food policing.  She wolfs her food down and before anyone else is finished is asking for more.  They tell her no, or that she can have salad. Anytime, she wants a snack (which is all the time) they tell her to get a protein bar.  The parents try to impose a low carb lifestyle on the kids because the girls BM has PCOS and has had the two girls on high doses of Metformin, which is used to prevent PCOS apparently.  They were told low carb also help prevent it somehow. If my 13 year old or seven year old want a snack, she is right in there seeing what they are eating and asking for some.  I always tell her to go ask her dad, but it's very uncomfortable.  She always compares her serving to everyone elses and whines that they got more.  I have never seen a child be like this to the extent that she is.  Apparently, at BM's house it's free reign, and she feeds them a lot of crap.  I just don't see how being the food police is going to help.  


Has anyone experienced something like this?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 5:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 5:47 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 5:48 PM

BUMP!

svolkov
by on May. 4, 2014 at 5:49 PM
Sounds like two extremes both of which are not healthy and have lead to a bad relationshipwith food.
smalltownteddy
by on May. 4, 2014 at 5:50 PM

That really doesn't sound like a healthy approach at all, and I would be concerned, but you're not their pedi, so... ?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 4, 2014 at 5:50 PM
Yes my dd would eat non stop if we let her. I guess we are food police, too!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 4, 2014 at 5:53 PM

I have a child who displays this same behavior, but for the first 3 years of his life he was starving, and we have strategies to deal with his food behavior.  So all I can say for this child is therapy - she needs it.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 5:53 PM

I don't feel like there is anything I can do or say.  She is in counseling for other issues, so here is hoping this issue comes up.

Quoting smalltownteddy:

That really doesn't sound like a healthy approach at all, and I would be concerned, but you're not their pedi, so... ?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 5:54 PM

She was never starving.  Maybe that's why I don't understand.  What kind of therapy do they use?

Quoting Anonymous:

I have a child who displays this same behavior, but for the first 3 years of his life he was starving, and we have strategies to deal with his food behavior.  So all I can say for this child is therapy - she needs it.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 4, 2014 at 5:58 PM

For my son it's different, but I would imagine a psychologist is needed for your niece.  My sister was bulimic in high school and she was sent to a psychologist to get to the root of the problem and to a nutritionist to help make better choices based on what she & the psychologist talked about.

Quoting Anonymous:

She was never starving.  Maybe that's why I don't understand.  What kind of therapy do they use?

Quoting Anonymous:

I have a child who displays this same behavior, but for the first 3 years of his life he was starving, and we have strategies to deal with his food behavior.  So all I can say for this child is therapy - she needs it.  



Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on May. 4, 2014 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this

So BM has a free for all, but Dad and his new wife are talking to doctors and working on issues?

PCOS can make girls heavy and unhealthy in a hurry.  I have 2 friends with PCOS and they have to constantly watch their diets.  Increased weight increases the unpleasant side effect of the PCOS.  It's a vicious cycle.  The more weight you gain, the worse PCOS is.  The worse PCOS is, the harder it is to lose the weight.

They are probably being SO tight because BM is not at all.  They essentially have to use their time to really push the health and good eating ideas on the girls or the girls won't get it at all.

I'm inclined to support Dad and SM, because from what you described they are researching and working with doctors to actively impact and mitigate damages from a complex health issue.  I also see she's already in therapy, so it sounds like they really are trying to approach this from every angle and make the best they can for the girl.

Might it be uncomfortable?  Yes.  You don't understand the scope of what they are dealing with.  You could ask them to clarify for you, so you can tailor snacks and meals when you're together to help the situation.  Or you could just accept that it isn't your business and let them handle it.  But overall, I'd just try to focus on having a good time with family and trying to trust them to make responsible decisions.  Not everybody will parent the way you like, but it doesn't mean they are wrong.

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