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is our marriage even salvageable???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 64 Replies
This will probably be long but any input would mean a ton to me. I am going to offer the facts with as little bias as I can but bare in mind that this is my point of view.

R and I met in feb 2010 and started dating in march 2010 and hit it off right away. I had never been in love before and it scared me so after 2 weeks I asked for a break (well, a break up). I talked to another guy..nothigbhappened and i realized that I didn't want to be without him and, after a week, asked him out.
We fell hard and fast and at the end of May 2010 he purposed and i said yes.
Months went by and it was difficult since we were both in college and living with our parents (19 and 20 years old). With that stress, we fought. Mostly i picked fights.
Somehow we made bit and in Oct 2011 we signed on our first apartment and moved in Nov 1st. We were married Nov 10 2011. We were 20 and 21 years old.
We didnt really live together before getting married so we didn't know each other as well as we should have maybe.
We both worked a lot. I had 2 jobs (usually 6am to 2 pm m-f and part time an hour or two a few after noons a week. He worked Fri, sat, sun 3am-6pm most of the time he was home around 2-4) I don't think either of us knew what it really meant to be married or even to be responsible adults.

He liked his video games, I understand now that that was his release, his escape. I did not respect that and not picked but I wasn't taking care of the house either. I was on the internet too much.
I felt something missing and though a child would fill that and in Jan of 2012 he agreed and we started TTC. This is also when I found out about A. A was a friend he played games with online...she just happened to have a vagina and I was jealous and insecure.
I felt like he wasn't paying enough atyenetion to me, again my own insecurity.
I believed he did not notice me one way or the other so I went out for drinks with a co worker one night. He Boughy me a few drinks and I flirted. He tried to kiss me and I let him. That was as far as it went because I felt sick I'm the pit of my stomach. I went home to my husband.
He was asleep and I woke him up crying. I told him I cheated on him and he held me. I also lied and made it seem worse than it was...I don't know why. He had to be up in 2 hours to go to work. I also had to work that afternoon and was so upset I couldn't make of through the day and my boss sent me home. He didn't know why but really it was because I was going to be working with that co worker, just the two of us.

When I saw my husband when he got home I told him I had lied and just wanted to see his reaction. I lied again to not hurt him...another mistake of mine. After that we did not speak of it.

Fast forward to May 2012. I was about 10 weeks pregnant And we got into a huge fight about a. I did not like their relationship and I asked him to stop talking to her. Huge fight because i was nit picking and it ended with him trowing his Xbox out our back door against a tree and him driving away.
He came back a few hours later and we made up. That is when I started apologizing foR everything weather I felt bat fault or not. This was also the night he told me he would stop talking to her.

2 weeks went by and I though we were better then he took out a credit card to buy a new xbox without telling me. It made me angry but I tried to let it go (even though I felt we needed a crib more than an Xbox). Well...about a month after the fight he started deleting text again and locking his phone again. I confronted and he said she messaged him and hee feelings were hurt because she didnt know why he s5pped talking to her. This was a week after the figjt. I believe he got the new xbox to plau with her again. He also lied to me for weeks about talking to her again. Tjis was hurtful to me since he put her feelings above mine for the first major time.
In august i was having a rough pregnancy and was Told to take time off of work since I kept passing out. A week later my husband lost his job. I passed out when he told me. We could have made it on his salary alone but no we had nothing. We had to give up our house and moved in with my parents.
Gid bless him, he found another job within a month but was making only half of what he was and even more hours (Mon - sat 8am-6pm). I was not working at all. It was very stressful and he used the video games even more.
Dec 2012 our son was born. We moved in with his parents since my parents house was not safe for a baby (mold, leaky roof, bugs--trashy) also his parents had internet so he could play online again.
Their house was comfortable. It was nice to live there. Before we lost our home I wanted to be a stay at home mom for the first year. We agreed on that before circumstance changed...I needed to get a job at this point but I used our son as an excuse while my husband worked 60 hours a week for us. He was stressed and he turned to A instead of me.
I do believe it started innocent enough--he told her things that would stress me out and I had awful PPD so he didn't want to stress me out more.
But it got to the point where he just stopped talking to me. By may of 2013 he was growing away from me and closer and closer to her. She had twin girls about this time and I heard about them daily...it hurt my feelings and what I saw was that he would come him and want "space)" and avoided our son and I until his bed time then get on the Xbox until 2 am.
I felt him growing away from me. In Nov for our anniversary he pulled out all tjw stops,he put together an amazing suprise. I though we would be OK but within a week we were back to fighting me apologizing and him needing space and not talking again. But still devoting hours to texting, calling and playing with her.

Dec 23 I was already upset and waiting for him to get jom to ask about money. He needed his space and actually blocked the door with a chair and called her.
There was a HUGE fight ending with me leaving to spend the night with my sister. I messaged him and asked if he wanted a divorce.
I went back to his parents Christmas eve...I did not have my ring on. He hurt me and I did it to hurt him. That night I begged him to just ask us to stay. He did but I could tell he didn't mean it. I felt so much distance and I may have pushed too hard because I did not want to loose him. Christmas came and went and so did our sons first birthday.
We were driving home without baby on DEC 28 and I felt how cold he was. I asked him to stop since I wanted o talk in private. I wanted to be totally honest and told him about my mistake Nd that I just wanted to start anew.
He stopped talking to be altogether. Wouldn't even look at me. Our sons birthday party was Jan 5th...Jan 9 he asked us to leave his parents house once again he said he needed his space. Even A messaged me and told me I nneeded to just leave and give him his space...she was his bar friend and knew him better than I did.
Jan 10, we lwft. I though it was just time ti think. I started counceling and invited him every week...he dd not come.
Instead of taking time and space to think about us he chose to grow closer to her...

Its been months. I have be broken and I love him so much. He finally dI'd attend counceling with me, twice actuqlly but he said he just needed to figure out a way for us to communicate for our son and that he was already gone.

Thursday after our second session he told me he was getting on a plane that saturday to spend Easter wekend with her and his birthday that Tuesday.
My world came crashing down. I stopped eating and sleeping and was admitted to the hospital because I was having a nervous breakdown.

Now Now we are here. He has been pure hateful to me for four month. Every text is just malice and he only calls to call me a liar even though I have not lied about anything and i am trying my best to be nice to him and the best mom i can be. I wish he could just call to check on his son with he doesn't and hasn't unless I call him or his mom. He is so angry with me because his family is mad at him and it is my fault even though they knew about the trip weeks, weeks before I did...I have not talked to his family at all.

After everything I could forgive him...I do love him with all of my heart. I don't want anyone except my husband. My first and only love.

I think he has so much anger because he feels guilty about all of this and anger at me is the only way he can leave since he has made it clear he plans to move up there to be with her and his parents are kicking him out by the end of the year.

What for I do? I am lost...my heart hurts to no end.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
baileyquarters
by on May. 4, 2014 at 7:57 PM
What the hell.
Amybelle
by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:00 PM

tldr

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 8:03 PM
Now we are here. He has been pure hateful to me for four month. Every text is just malice and he only calls to call me a liar even though I have not lied about anything and i am trying my best to be nice to him and the best mom i can be. I wish he could just call to check on his son with he doesn't and hasn't unless I call him or his mom. He is so angry with me because his family is mad at him and it is my fault even though they knew about the trip weeks, weeks before I did...I have not talked to his family at all.

After everything I could forgive him...I do love him with all of my heart. I don't want anyone except my husband. My first and only love.

I think he has so much anger because he feels guilty about all of this and anger at me is the only way he can leave since he has made it clear he plans to move up there to be with her and his parents are kicking him out by the end of the year.
Momsold
by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:04 PM
4 moms liked this

Your son was born in Dec 2012 but his birthday was January 5th?

I think this is a troll post.

Crazylife1994
by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:05 PM
1 mom liked this

You both were too immature to even get married or have a serious relationship. It is time to move on sweetie. You need to seriously learn to handle yourself before ever getting involved again.

Focus on being a mom and taking care of yourself.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 8:06 PM
We had his party after the first of the year to avoidthe holidays

Quoting Momsold:

Your son was born in Dec 2012 but his birthday was January 5th?

I think this is a troll post.

seraphimsong
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 8:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I just can't read all of that right now
sfigu16
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 8:06 PM
Estas loca!
Maks1mommy
by Emerald Member on May. 4, 2014 at 8:07 PM
Tl; Dr.

Bump for somebody that will.
Crazylife1994
by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:07 PM

You even admitted to lying to him so you really need to own it. 

Quoting Anonymous: Now we are here. He has been pure hateful to me for four month. Every text is just malice and he only calls to call me a liar even though I have not lied about anything and i am trying my best to be nice to him and the best mom i can be. I wish he could just call to check on his son with he doesn't and hasn't unless I call him or his mom. He is so angry with me because his family is mad at him and it is my fault even though they knew about the trip weeks, weeks before I did...I have not talked to his family at all. After everything I could forgive him...I do love him with all of my heart. I don't want anyone except my husband. My first and only love. I think he has so much anger because he feels guilty about all of this and anger at me is the only way he can leave since he has made it clear he plans to move up there to be with her and his parents are kicking him out by the end of the year.

 

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