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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

He's never had an opinion before, but now that he does I'm supposed to blindly accept it?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 70 Replies
1 mom liked this

Is anyone else's husband like this? It drives me CRAZY!!

My husband rarely has a say when it comes to most parental decisions. It's not my choice, I'm always trying to involve him, but he is more than happy to let me make the calls. Which is fine...until he decides he wants to have an opinion. Then, as soon as he has that opinion, I'm expected to just drop all of my feelings on the subject and submit to it. Well...I'm tired of it. No more.

For example: we have been with the same daycare provider for 2 years now. Our daughters love her. She is the best provider we've ever had. She makes amazing, well-balanced, home-cooked meals for the kids. She takes them to fun activities, and is always making cute and fun crafts with them. And she's not just great for the kids - she's awesome for me to work with. If I'm late on payment (only happened once) she doesn't mind at all. She never calls off, so she's very reliable. (Well, she has called off once or twice for appointments and such, but she let me know at least a month in advance so I could plan accordingly.) And her fee is very reasonable - moreso than any other daycare around. She charges by the day instead of the week, so I can save major money by DH keeping the kids on his days off (Wednesdays, and every other Thursday - I save $240 a month!). There are just so many things that make her a wonderful daycare provider. I'm so glad we found her.

But last week, our youngest came home with a scratch on her leg from the daycare provider's cat. It was one scratch - kind of long, but not deep at all. Now all of a sudden SO wants to find another daycare. I'm not nuts about our kid getting scratched, but shit happens. The provider said that she thought the cat was in the basement, but someone must have let it out, because she usually doesn't let it roam the house free during business hours. No big deal, it happens, she apologized, it won't happen again. But DH just will NOT let it go! He's always telling me about new providers he's heard about, or approaching them himself and asking if they have openings. It makes me so mad - he never asked how I felt - he's just decided we need to switch and that's it. Especially because it's my income that pays for daycare. He pays other bills, we keep our money separate because that's what works for us. I'm not okay with having to pay more for daycare when I'm perfectly happy with the one we have now. If he was paying for it, it *might* be a different story.

He has never cared about daycare before, not at all. I chose the provider, interviewed her, vetted her, and I pay her. He's never had an opinion on the subject before now. I'm not going to switch to another provider over a cat scratch - especially not when this provider is so good. And the money is an issue too, because anywhere else it would cost more. And what if we moved and the new provider wasn't as good? I'd be paying more money for lesser care. I'm just not willing to risk it.

So DH is giving me the silent treatment now. Usually in instances like this I cave. But for once, I felt strongly enough to stand up and say no. I refused to accept it. He doesn't get to step in now and make such a big and final decision without my say, when he's never cared one bit about it before. And now he's acting like a petulant child. *sigh*

If you read this far, thanks for listening to my vent. Sometimes it's nice to be able to come to CM and just let it all out.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2014 at 1:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 5, 2014 at 1:05 PM
I agree with you :)
fairymom82
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2014 at 1:07 PM
He better brace himself now. Preschool and beyond there will be far worse than a tiny non serious cat scratch . My oldest got tripped in preschool on accident and hit concrete . He had a concussion. Can't just up and change schools . Shit happens. She wasn't seriously hurt or neglected. so he needs to chill.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2014 at 1:09 PM

 

Quoting fairymom82: He better brace himself now. Preschool and beyond there will be far worse than a tiny non serious cat scratch . My oldest got tripped in preschool on accident and hit concrete . He had a concussion. Can't just up and change schools . Shit happens. She wasn't seriously hurt or neglected. so he needs to chill.

 That's exactly what I said. It could be so much worse. A cat scratch is NOTHING. I don't get why he feels so strongly about this. She's been scraped up worse than that when she was at home with us!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 5, 2014 at 1:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm with you on this.  It's just one scratch and she sounds amazing so I wouldn't let her go for one thing like this.  Are you sure he doesn't have some other problem with her?  I ask bc it's weird for him to feel this strongly over one little incident.  Oh and my husbands almost the same way.  I make most of the decisions when it comes to our kids bc I'm a SAHM and I deal with everything.  I ask him about stuff to keep him involved and etc, but he never cares what I decide.  The one time he does though, he doesn't get why I don't just say ok and do what he wants.  I tell him it's called communication and adults talk about things lol.  

GamerMomma2
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2014 at 1:11 PM

I wouldn't switch. Just tell your DH that accidents can happen anywhere. A fire extinguisher fell off the wall onto my son's head at daycare. It made 2 huge gashes that needed stitches.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2014 at 1:12 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm with you on this.  It's just one scratch and she sounds amazing so I wouldn't let her go for one thing like this.  Are you sure he doesn't have some other problem with her?  I ask bc it's weird for him to feel this strongly over one little incident.  Oh and my husbands almost the same way.  I make most of the decisions when it comes to our kids bc I'm a SAHM and I deal with everything.  I ask him about stuff to keep him involved and etc, but he never cares what I decide.  The one time he does though, he doesn't get why I don't just say ok and do what he wants.  I tell him it's called communication and adults talk about things lol.  

 Exactly! You can't give me free reign to make all the choices, and then expect me to drop everything and agree when you decide to have an opinion.

I have thought about what you said too, that maybe there's some other reason he wants to switch. I need to ask him about that...maybe he knows something I don't. But if he does, I have no idea why he'd keep it from me, especially if it's something that would convince me to agree with him.

nolongermstkn
by on May. 5, 2014 at 1:13 PM
I agree with you. He will get over it.
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goldpandora
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2014 at 1:14 PM

Stick to your guns. Finding ONE like her was a stroke of luck. The chances of finding another one is going to be pretty nigh impossible! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2014 at 1:14 PM

 

Quoting GamerMomma2:

I wouldn't switch. Just tell your DH that accidents can happen anywhere. A fire extinguisher fell off the wall onto my son's head at daycare. It made 2 huge gashes that needed stitches.

 Once he stops icing me out, I'm going to try and have a sit down with him. If he has other legitimate reasons for feeling the way he does, I'm more than happy to hear him out. Obviously I want what's best for the kids too...but I honestly feel like our current provider IS best. It took me a long time to find her, and she's awesome. I don't want to let her go over something so silly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 5, 2014 at 1:16 PM

Uggg men right?!  Lol.  I'm glad when my husband has an opinion and I like when he's involved, but I hate it when he thinks I should just do what he says bc most of the time he doesn't know the full story:-/. I'd def talk to yours and find out why he feels this strongly about it.  If he has a good reason then you can think about switching but she really sounds great so I hope you don't have to.  I hope he just wants to be heard or something like that, you know?  Men are weird lol!

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm with you on this.  It's just one scratch and she sounds amazing so I wouldn't let her go for one thing like this.  Are you sure he doesn't have some other problem with her?  I ask bc it's weird for him to feel this strongly over one little incident.  Oh and my husbands almost the same way.  I make most of the decisions when it comes to our kids bc I'm a SAHM and I deal with everything.  I ask him about stuff to keep him involved and etc, but he never cares what I decide.  The one time he does though, he doesn't get why I don't just say ok and do what he wants.  I tell him it's called communication and adults talk about things lol.  

 Exactly! You can't give me free reign to make all the choices, and then expect me to drop everything and agree when you decide to have an opinion.

I have thought about what you said too, that maybe there's some other reason he wants to switch. I need to ask him about that...maybe he knows something I don't. But if he does, I have no idea why he'd keep it from me, especially if it's something that would convince me to agree with him.


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