Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Suicide and children

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

So my kids father killed himself years ago. Not sure it has ever gotten better since then. There isn't much a day that goes by without my thought of it as well and just how angry I become when I realize, it's not just that I am leaving my kids without a mom, but without ANY parent, two who just left them.. and I wonder if that in return would make the kids do it too. Hate me? I get so angry at this thoughts, like why did he go first? WHY because it's like I can't now no matter what, I can't be that person, maybe first as terrible as it sounds but yeah. I know I need help, help doesn't help. I'm depressed for so long now. And yes I want to die  most of the time but the terrible things my children would feel kills me enough. I still can't sit here and tell the world I won't do it eventually. But what kind of life am I leaving the kids open to knowing their parents left them willingly. I hate this. I hate life so much. I needed a major, major vent. This is all I have been thinking about lately. I am raged and jealous that the bastard left us first, left me to rot here with this child and this life that I do not want, left me to rot on earth and forced to live even when I don't want to because I can't leave my children completely alone.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 7, 2014 at 10:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2014 at 10:50 PM

And yes the most stupid question ever asked but I have often wondered if there would even be hope at all for a normal life if this happened, has anyone ever known anyone whose parents did this and they were still OK into their adult lives. I question everything even bad stuff, sure.

WishingAway
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2014 at 10:52 PM
It's not worth it. Your child needs you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2014 at 10:54 PM

I know they do, even more so 1000000 times more so that this has happened with dad, but that is what enrages me even more than anything, my RESPONSIBILITY as a mother has been increased 10000000 percent since that and what? I don't know.. I am angry. I feel forced.

who-am-I-2014
by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 11:03 PM

i tried to committ suicide and failed. im glad i failed because i would have left behind five beautiful children. why dont you private message me and we can talk further. everyone needs a friend and im willing to be your friend. a friend who will listen and one who will not judge you. your babies need you. i will help you. god will help you. it will be alright. please message me as soon as you get this. i was in a mental hospital before i truly understand how you feel. big hugs to you.

ashleymarie0828
by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 11:05 PM

There's seriously no shame in therapy and it really works if you give it time and you try the medications that they give you. Seek help. I really don't like to blame or hate those who try to commit suicide. I know most people say it's selfish, and I suppose it is, but everyone is selfish sometimes. The thing is, though, if you go through with it, it's not sometimes anymore. That will be forever. And you'll never know what might have been. You'll never know if you could've been happy one day. You'll never know how you've affected your kids. Don't do it. Call someone. Call the suicide helpline. Commit yourself. Do whatever it takes to try to get better. There's help out there, you just have to say the word.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2014 at 11:08 PM

I do not believe in god. And at this time I am unsure if anyone really knows how I feel. I know we all go through work and go through the hardest of times but I haven't gotten my life back together (I am actually certain it was not together BEFORE) since his suicide. And these days I have nothing better to do than think about it. I cause my children emotional and mental pain. I see it more and more every day. My actions and depression have not gone unnoticed and I feel I am better off not being a mom anymore. The more days that pass almost has me accepting that they will be better off without me, but bettter off wihtout any parent? It hurts so bad to think about. I don't want my kids to ever think I don't love them more than anything but I don't have the heart to raise a child anymore and I don't have much of a will to live. And what kind of mother am I thinking these thoughts anyway? Not one who deserves such a beautiful and amazing kid even in the toughest of spots with them. The stress is overbearing my life. I can't breathe anymore and every day it's turned into me being depressed, moody or in screaming fits with the kids. There isn't happiness anymore. All life has been sucked from anyhow. So really what is the best option for them, nothing sounds ok anymore.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2014 at 11:11 PM

And here I am 3 years later and still cry about it, still think about it, still causes me pain and harm every day of my life the suicide and I haven't gotten over it. I never will. I will never have a steady mind or grasp on life. I can't keep living with the pain its brought me. I am sure to most I soound like sme whiney  bitch but I haven't got the chance to talk about this much and when it does it is here on cm pretty rarely. But today I have to talk about it it has been bearing on me so heavy tday.

b1the1change
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2014 at 11:14 PM
Your babies need you to get help. You had your babies Noone forced you. Find your strength in them
elwalters77
by The Singing Teacher on May. 7, 2014 at 11:16 PM
Please join us in the depression support group. We can relate. It's a good place to vent and get support.
ashleymarie0828
by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 11:16 PM

The way that you feel is the way that your children will feel. I'm sure you wouldn't wish it on anyone, but especially not your babies. Be strong and seek professional medical help. No one here on Cafemom can help you. 

Quoting Anonymous:

And here I am 3 years later and still cry about it, still think about it, still causes me pain and harm every day of my life the suicide and I haven't gotten over it. I never will. I will never have a steady mind or grasp on life. I can't keep living with the pain its brought me. I am sure to most I soound like sme whiney  bitch but I haven't got the chance to talk about this much and when it does it is here on cm pretty rarely. But today I have to talk about it it has been bearing on me so heavy tday.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN