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Decision made! Teacher Appreciation gift drama! (poll included)

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Poll

Question: What do you think?

Options:

All the names go on the card regardless of financial contribution.

Only the kids whose families contributed go on the card.

Waffles.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 477

View Results

I have decided that since they left it to me to determine what should be done, I am going to put on the card "Your morning Up-K class".

I am going to encourage the parents to have their children make a card / craft to show individual appreciation if they want to have their child specifically singled out. 

Thank you to everyone that voted and gave useful imput. I appreciate it! 

I am the room mother for my son's pre-k class. Next week is teacher appreciation and some of the other moms and I decided that we would ask each family if they wanted to go in on a gift. We thought we would do $20 a family. Depending on how many people participated, we would do a Visa gift card, flowers, and some treat...cookies, candy, etc. It's totally voluntary and if they don't want to go in on a group gift, they can choose to do something individually.

The issue is the thank you card. I had no idea people would get so upset about it. There are families that are chosing to not participate and some of the moms think that if those families don't give money, their kid's name get left off the card. Other moms think that everyone should be on the card regardless. They have left it to me to decide.

Please vote for what you think we should do. There is a class of 16 kids, 3 families are not participating thus far.

EDIT (of the edit): Before I get a zillion replies that $20 is too much, it's not for this area. This is a very affluent area. Some of the families wanted to do more. It's not that these families can't afford that amount. These three families participate in nothing. They just aren't as involved as the other families are. This is the only group gift we have asked for money for. No one has been expected to spend money on even ONE other thing this year. But these three families aren't contributing because they are apathetic towards everything, not because they can't afford it.....just to clarify since I have had to answer that a zillion times. =)

by on May. 9, 2014 at 9:25 AM
Replies (341-345):
TexTornado
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:01 PM

It's not condescending, it's the truth.  There IS a right way to do things.  If you had been doing it right, you wouldn't have this dilemma & you wouldn't have people upset. 

Quoting Cmgmqmmom: I didn't "make it" anything, it was a bunch of moms. The gathering of the funds fell to me as I am room mom. This is how we always gather for teacher gifts. I've been room mom since my kids started school and it's always $x for the gift. They have the option to do an individual gift of they'd like. I didn't suggest $20, that was the consensus. Thanks for being condescending and implying that there's a "right" way to do stuff.
Quoting TexTornado:

You set the whole thing up wrong in the first place.  You should have asked each family if they want to contribute to a teacher gift, and let them give whatever amount they want.  It could have been $3 or $50, and you could have stated that.  You could have given them the option to make cookies, buy a balloon, buy flowers, whatever, if they didn't give money. But you didn't, you made it a voluntary $20.  Which is not very voluntary. 

If you'd done it the right way, whatever their contribution, of their OWN liking, not yours, their name could have gone on the card. They could even write a heartfelt letter and be on the card as far as I'm concerned. 

If they didn't contribute, then that's their deal, you don't talk to them about it anymore, you just say Ok thanks and move on.  But you don't continue to involve them, single them out, tell them they aren't going to be on the card that "the whole class" is giving to the teacher.  Of course they are going to be upset. 

Typically, no contribution means no acknowledgement on the card.  But you have made it a gift from the class and those kids are part of the class. 

So you've got yourself kind of a mess, with hurt feelings & people being excluded. 

I'd say let whoever wants to sign the freakin' card sign it. 

Is it THAT important that you tell the teacher who gave money & who didn't?  Because that's what you'd be doing.  You'd be saying, Everyone loves you except for these 3 families.  We purposely excluded them because they suck & didn't give the money. 

Next time, do it differentlly.  Don't make it from the group. 


Cmgmqmmom
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:04 PM
K.

Quoting TexTornado:

It's not condescending, it's the truth.  There IS a right way to do things.  If you had been doing it right, you wouldn't have this dilemma & you wouldn't have people upset. 

Quoting Cmgmqmmom: I didn't "make it" anything, it was a bunch of moms. The gathering of the funds fell to me as I am room mom.

This is how we always gather for teacher gifts. I've been room mom since my kids started school and it's always $x for the gift.

They have the option to do an individual gift of they'd like.

I didn't suggest $20, that was the consensus.

Thanks for being condescending and implying that there's a "right" way to do stuff.



Quoting TexTornado:

You set the whole thing up wrong in the first place.  You should have asked each family if they want to contribute to a teacher gift, and let them give whatever amount they want.  It could have been $3 or $50, and you could have stated that.  You could have given them the option to make cookies, buy a balloon, buy flowers, whatever, if they didn't give money. But you didn't, you made it a voluntary $20.  Which is not very voluntary. 

If you'd done it the right way, whatever their contribution, of their OWN liking, not yours, their name could have gone on the card. They could even write a heartfelt letter and be on the card as far as I'm concerned. 

If they didn't contribute, then that's their deal, you don't talk to them about it anymore, you just say Ok thanks and move on.  But you don't continue to involve them, single them out, tell them they aren't going to be on the card that "the whole class" is giving to the teacher.  Of course they are going to be upset. 

Typically, no contribution means no acknowledgement on the card.  But you have made it a gift from the class and those kids are part of the class. 

So you've got yourself kind of a mess, with hurt feelings & people being excluded. 

I'd say let whoever wants to sign the freakin' card sign it. 

Is it THAT important that you tell the teacher who gave money & who didn't?  Because that's what you'd be doing.  You'd be saying, Everyone loves you except for these 3 families.  We purposely excluded them because they suck & didn't give the money. 

Next time, do it differentlly.  Don't make it from the group. 

TexTornado
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:06 PM

I can think of a way to steal money right off the bat & I'm not even a thief!  LOL.   Right in front of everyone!  So someone with a criminal mind could easily do it.  And yes, plenty of moms have criminal minds. So many women that are bookkeepers, secretaries, bank tellers--- all embezzling company money!  A kid's class gift fundraiser would be chump change.  Collect $1000, they'd steal $500.  Fake receipts, buying things & then exchanging them.  Oh yeah.  So easy to do. 

Quoting Cmgmqmmom: As the gift will be given in full view of the class and their parents and that's how it's done here, I would think stealing money would be hard to get away with.
Quoting TexTornado:

I've seen the same thing and I don't work at a bank!  But the one that got me was when the team mom collected money ALL YEAR for her sports team to go out of state to compete....and her 19 yr old son STOLE the debit card to that account and spent all the money.  The head coach for the team told her either pay it back by a certain date or you & your son go to jail.  She paid it back.  $3500. 

Quoting Anonymous:

IDK if it has been said but i NEVER give a room mother money, ever. I have worked in banking and I have seen where these room mom's come deposit the money,withdraw it and go spend it on themselves.... yes it happens. I  just rather give the teacher a card myself.

not just room moms,but the little league coaches, treasurers...


Cmgmqmmom
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:10 PM
Well, I don't intend to steal anything. I don't have a very criminal mind, so I wouldn't have much of a way to come up with creative ways to steal. But your seem to not only have creative ways to steal, but a pretty condescending opinion to impart. Bravo to you, I guess.
I have no need to steal. How amusing that you have some ideas though....


Quoting TexTornado:

I can think of a way to steal money right off the bat & I'm not even a thief!  LOL.   Right in front of everyone!  So someone with a criminal mind could easily do it.  And yes, plenty of moms have criminal minds. So many women that are bookkeepers, secretaries, bank tellers--- all embezzling company money!  A kid's class gift fundraiser would be chump change.  Collect $1000, they'd steal $500.  Fake receipts, buying things & then exchanging them.  Oh yeah.  So easy to do. 

Quoting Cmgmqmmom: As the gift will be given in full view of the class and their parents and that's how it's done here, I would think stealing money would be hard to get away with.

Quoting TexTornado:

I've seen the same thing and I don't work at a bank!  But the one that got me was when the team mom collected money ALL YEAR for her sports team to go out of state to compete....and her 19 yr old son STOLE the debit card to that account and spent all the money.  The head coach for the team told her either pay it back by a certain date or you & your son go to jail.  She paid it back.  $3500. 

Quoting Anonymous:

IDK if it has been said but i NEVER give a room mother money, ever. I have worked in banking and I have seen where these room mom's come deposit the money,withdraw it and go spend it on themselves.... yes it happens. I  just rather give the teacher a card myself.


not just room moms,but the little league coaches, treasurers...

TexTornado
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry if you think this is directed toward you or that I am implying YOU would do this.  I am speaking generally.  In fact, my first reply was to another poster who had mentioned seeing this kind of thing go on before.  I was just saying Yeah, I've seen it before too and that people are very crafty when they want to steal something.  And yes, I am very clever & could come up with a few ideas to steal money that I think might work.  But, those are the famous last words of just about every criminal, right? 

Quoting Cmgmqmmom: Well, I don't intend to steal anything. I don't have a very criminal mind, so I wouldn't have much of a way to come up with creative ways to steal. But your seem to not only have creative ways to steal, but a pretty condescending opinion to impart. Bravo to you, I guess. I have no need to steal. How amusing that you have some ideas though....
Quoting TexTornado:

I can think of a way to steal money right off the bat & I'm not even a thief!  LOL.   Right in front of everyone!  So someone with a criminal mind could easily do it.  And yes, plenty of moms have criminal minds. So many women that are bookkeepers, secretaries, bank tellers--- all embezzling company money!  A kid's class gift fundraiser would be chump change.  Collect $1000, they'd steal $500.  Fake receipts, buying things & then exchanging them.  Oh yeah.  So easy to do. 

Quoting Cmgmqmmom: As the gift will be given in full view of the class and their parents and that's how it's done here, I would think stealing money would be hard to get away with.
Quoting TexTornado:

I've seen the same thing and I don't work at a bank!  But the one that got me was when the team mom collected money ALL YEAR for her sports team to go out of state to compete....and her 19 yr old son STOLE the debit card to that account and spent all the money.  The head coach for the team told her either pay it back by a certain date or you & your son go to jail.  She paid it back.  $3500. 

Quoting Anonymous:

IDK if it has been said but i NEVER give a room mother money, ever. I have worked in banking and I have seen where these room mom's come deposit the money,withdraw it and go spend it on themselves.... yes it happens. I  just rather give the teacher a card myself.

not just room moms,but the little league coaches, treasurers...


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