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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm so pissed! Another post has me in tears! It brought back sad memories...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 72 Replies

So there is a post of a 20 week baby being born alive but refused medical help due to it being so young. I know there was probably nothing that could have been done but dammit, they should have tried! This baby was supposedly struggling and cry for life for 14 hours or so! The torture the baby must have went through during that time,and the desperation of the parent can only be imaginable, but never fully comprehended.. Why do I care? Why did it affect me so much? After all I don't know these people? But I can relate to there pain cause I went through something similar. September of 2005, I found out I was pregnant. I was going tthrough a very hard time and was extremely depressed. I cried almost all day, every day. I  wasn't sure if I was ready for a baby. I considered adoption but then decided against it. At 16 weeks I saw a sonogram and heard the heart beat, it was strong,he was healthy. At that moment I fell in love, embracing my new addition. I loved him. Then on a Monday,at 19 weeks, I went to the restroom and saw what was an extremely small amount of blood on the toilet paper. It was so small, you could barely see it, it seemed like a speckle of light pink, barely there blood. I chose not to go to the doctor. Well that week, my back was hurting and I was cramping, but it wasn't anything major and I thought it was growing pains. I ignored it. That Friday around 1pm, I went to the bathroom, and there was so much blood you would think I was on my period. I rushed to the hospital, the did an ultrasound but they never allowed me to view it. next thing I know the doctor comes in and tells me my baby is dead! After much pleading, I finally agree to deliver. They put a depository inside  me and the contractions began. I was in labor for about 10 hours before getting very nauseated and nearly passing out in the restroom. The nurses layed me back on the bed. they put a urinal pan under me. and then suddenly I felt a huge rip (like pulling off a band-aide or Velcro) and my baby fell out. Just fell out! I was yelling my baby fell out, my baby fell out! the nurse ran to me and took the pan. I said I wanted to see it ( I didn't know if it was a boy or girl) and she refused to bring the baby over. She kept the baby for a sevral minutes, what seemed like forever. I kept yelling for him until she finally brought him to me. It seemed very odd that she refused to let me see him right after birth and she even hovered around him. I just wanted to make sure that my baby wasn't struggling for life. I still had some kind of hope.. When I finally saw him, he was lifeless, tiny, but perfect. He had 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes, a beautiful round baby belly, 2 perfectly shaped ears, and a nose, mouth , tongue, and gums with his little teeth buds showing. the top of his head shattered on impact I guess, and his legs was broken. I named him Angel and buried him. For years, I would dream that I would give birth to a premie, and the nurses would take him a way saying he was dead, but then after he was gone, I would hear a baby crying and I would run all around looking for him, sometimes I would find him, sometimes I wouldn't. One time, I had a dream, and in my dream, once again, I could hear this baby crying, I was looking for my baby, then I woke up to realize that what I was hearing, was actually my new puppy crying to get out of her cage and go potty.  I went through years of torture wondering if my baby was really born alive, that I felt guilty for not grabbing the pan myself and checking. I wondered if the doctors made a mistake and covered it up by keeping him from me till he passed. If only I would have seen him immediately after birth and not a several minutes later. Same as the mother of this 20 week baby.  Now she's gonna remember her baby suffering and crying for so many hours and nobody even giving a damn to help him! not even trying!! If they would had at least tried, she could at least taken some kind of comfort in that, but know all she knows is her baby fought, and fought hard, and no one,not nobody even tried.. It doesn't matter if the help would have been meaningless, to this mother, it would have been a lot! My heart goesout to her and her family..  Anyways, it just took me back to my baby. the day he was born, was the day I turned 20 weeks.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 9, 2014 at 5:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsViau
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 5:17 PM
This made me cry :( I am so sorry for what you went thru. That must be a terrible ache. I didn't see the other post, but you and that other mother will be in my thoughts.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 6:52 PM
Thank you. I was very upset to hear what the other mom and baby went through. It was heart breaking.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 9, 2014 at 6:54 PM
Sorry mama! Hugs!
-spork2.0-
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 6:56 PM
I'm so sorry mama
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 9, 2014 at 7:01 PM

it's just  FETUS!~ not a baby at that far along.  

So say the "pro choice people".   Why save a FETUS? It's nothing!

Beyonce1
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:03 PM
I'm so sorry. Did he cry when he was born or make any noise? Can a 20week old baby cry? I'm sorry for the question, I just don't know.
KiaMorrison
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:03 PM

These Doctors are the true meaning of the word Monsters

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Pro choice people can say whatever the hell they want, I gave birth to a baby.. and so did the other mother. .

Quoting Anonymous:

it's just  FETUS!~ not a baby at that far along.  

So say the "pro choice people".   Why save a FETUS? It's nothing!

Allisonc7910
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:08 PM
So sad :(
ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on May. 9, 2014 at 7:08 PM
*hugs*
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