Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm not sure how to tactfully respond to this... --- OMG UPDATE!!!! (5/30 in purple)

Posted by Anonymous
  • 43 Replies


So, I just ignored the message.  I figured, if she sent another, I would respond, but maybe if I ignore her, she'll just go away....

Wrong.  Yesterday evening, as I was tidying up the front room, I glanced out the window to see a strange car pulling in my driveway.  I live in a teeny-tiny neighborhood, out in farm-country.  You get to know which vehicles belong to whom, and immediately go on alert when strange cars creep by - or worse yet, pull into your own driveway.  I watched... as my XSIL and both of my nieces get out of the car.  Ugh - I did NOT want to have to do confrontation today... all of my kids are home, her kids are there... this is NOT going to be pretty.

I didn't invite her in, we all stood on the porch.  The kids all came out to say hi.  She was there for about 45 minutes.  I wasn't overly friendly, I did hug the one niece I keep in contact with.  XSIL said she sent me "so many messages" - I said, no - just the one.  Then she tried to see if she could take DS for the weekend, swearing that XH wouldn't even KNOW... and that XH was in jail, and she can't stand him.  

Right.  I know when I'm being lied to.  See, I did my research.  Yes, XH was arrested on the 27th, but released on a temp bond the same evening, so he's not "back in jail".  As a matter of fact, he became engaged to his 18yo gf of two years just two days ago - and on XH's fb page, XSIL is all "baby brother bear, I need to talk to you - call me!  Love ya!".... Uhhh, doesn't sound like "you can't stand him" very much.

 I may or may not let DS visit.  However, there will not be ANY overnights, it will all be supervised, at least until I feel I can trust her again - which may be never.  I don't know.  I don't really know what to think right now.  We used to be so close, such good friends.... but I realize that XH is her family, and family comes first... 

Argh!  I know what I would LIKE to say, however I would like to be the bigger person and respond... nicely, I suppose.

Here's a fun backstory for you, ladies.  

I was married to DS1 (Alex)'s dad (XH) at one point in time.  We seperated when DS was a year old, and that was ten years ago.  XH was in and out (more out than in, honestly) of DS's life until about four years ago when he disappeared completely.  He had called, it was the friday before father's day (so... June 2010?) and asked to see DS on father's day.  I reluctantly agreed, and asked that he call before just showing up at my house.  At this point, it had been two years since he'd seen him last, he never (and I do mean NEVER) calls on birthdays/holidays or ever, for that matter.  In the six years between the seperation and the time he seemed to disappear off of the face of the planet,  he saw DS literally a handful of times and never called).  

I did, however, keep in touch with his sister (XSIL) until about  1 1/2 - 2 years ago.  We were neighbors, we chatted nearly daily, I had her and her children on my FB.  Then, she moved.... we gradually lost touch, and she removed me from her FB.  I'm still friends (and still talk to, often) her daughters.  I've tried calling her, but her number's been changed.  She's moved twice since we last spoke, and according to her daughters they aren't supposed to tell anyone where they moved to.  Keep in mind, my phone has not been turned off, I still have the same number (that I've had for eight years now) and I've not moved - I am still two houses down from where she used to live.  I've tried re-adding her to FB, but she never accepts my requests.  I get it, when someone is done with me for whatever reason, and I'm not one to push limits, so I let her go.  I just backed off.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday.  DS had an... accident... involving his hasty exit of a moving vehicle and his reward was some pretty gnarly road rash.  Because I am mother-of-the-year, I gave a play-by-play from the ER to facebook.  Of course, I got the standard "OMG, what happened?" and "I'll pray for him!" replies.  

That night, nearly more than 12 hours after "the incident" - I have a message from XSIL.  

  • Tuesday

  • (XSIL)

    (My name), Is there anyway I could get Alex? I really would like to see him. I do not hang around __(XH)__ and he would never know. He is my nephew and I really do miss him so much. To be honest I feel like yall really do not want him around us because we are _(XH)_'s family. I ask (_my DH's name_) a few times in Walmart when I seen him for you to call me. I heard nothing. This was last year. I figured you didn't want to. I would just really like to see him and possibly get him for a weekend.

Sent from Mobile

I just... no.  Here's what I WANT to say...

No.  Not because you're related to (XH) but because like him, you've shown no interest in DS.  You can say you cornered (DH) at Walmart last year - but to be honest, I've tried calling.  I've sent you messages on FB that have gone unanswered, I've done EVERYTHING short of stalking your husband or kids and finding out where you live and showing up on your doorstep.  I can tell when people don't "like" me, and I don't care - if you act like you don't want me or DS in your life, then don't be suprised when we stop trying.  Don't try to act hurt or like  I am the one alienating you when all of my attempts at contact were fruitless.  

No, you cannot see DS.  From the amount of effort you've put into your relationship with DS, I can't believe you would even ask to get him for the weekend.  Please, just stop, and do not contact us (me) again.


How would YOU respond?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 9, 2014 at 6:56 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on May. 9, 2014 at 6:59 PM
2 moms liked this
You don't need to respond at all.
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 6:59 PM
3 moms liked this
Honestly, just like you did. Been in a similar situation myself.
by Anonymous 3 on May. 9, 2014 at 7:01 PM
I like your response.
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd send exactly that.
by on May. 9, 2014 at 7:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Ummm, I'd respond with what you wrote. It's all truth.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:02 PM
I just feel so...hateful saying it like that. I dont like being mean, especially to people i used to be close to, and i hate confrontation.

Quoting rollin3kidsdeep: Honestly, just like you did. Been in a similar situation myself.
by on May. 9, 2014 at 7:03 PM
I would ignore her. Just dont answer her at all.
by Amanda on May. 9, 2014 at 7:03 PM
I'd say exactly that
by on May. 9, 2014 at 7:04 PM

Quoting rollin3kidsdeep: Honestly, just like you did. Been in a similar situation myself.
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:04 PM
Just like that. You weren't rude, you didn't say anything that wasn't true.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)