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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I get so sad when I see mothers openly breastfeeding in public.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

I know it's stupid and irrational.

When I had ds I had such a hard time breastfeeding and became so overwhelmed I hated having him around me.  I was prolonging taking my bipolar medications so that I could bf for at least a week, but things were getting bad with my hormones, my mood, my blood pressure and the pressure of bf-ing that I decided to get a bottle and take my meds.

While my sister was fully supportive, my father told me "a real mother can feed her child the way nature intended, mother's instinct just takes over." My ex's mother told me I was terrible for not bf-ing and threatened to call cps on me because I wasn't, until my sister flipped on her and kicked her out of the room.  Even the nurse was really snotty because I asked for a bottle.  My sister ended up having to ask the charge nurse to come in to speak to her about the nurse's behavior. 

Having ds was a difficult experience and not a happy one at all. A huge portion of that was the pressure and feeling of failure regarding breastfeeding.

Now, whenever I see a woman happily bf-ing all those feelings come back plus envy.  I wish I could let it go, my son is healthy and happy now. Whether he was bf or ff really doesn't matter, but I missed that joy of bringing a baby into the world and bonding with them like other moms have.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 9, 2014 at 7:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:39 PM

BUMP!

Steph84FL
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:39 PM
I truly sympathize for you. I hate that you had such negativity surrounding you and can only hope you have set those people straight. Taking you of yourself is the fist way to take care of your child
Michaelsmom0522
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:41 PM
Do you plan to have more kids? You could try again maybe?

My first experience wasn't great either but this time around I would like to try again.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:41 PM

I cannot have more, it's a healthy risk 

Quoting Michaelsmom0522: Do you plan to have more kids? You could try again maybe? My first experience wasn't great either but this time around I would like to try again.


elzmnsf
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:44 PM

I'm sorry you went through that and that you still have negative feelings about it. But you would have been unable to be a good mom, bf or ff, if you weren't taking care of yourself and your mental health. I hope you can reach a place where you are so confident you did the right thing for not only yourself but your child, that those negative feelings fade for you.

mommyfesha
by monster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:46 PM
*hugs* I'm sorry you had to deal with that negativity. Just remember that your baby got fed and that's the important thing. I was only able to bf 1 out of my 3 but I know that they still got fed and I don't have any different of a bond with the bf one than the other two.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:48 PM

thank you :)

I know ds and I are close now (he's 8).  Idk why it still bothers me.

Quoting mommyfesha: *hugs* I'm sorry you had to deal with that negativity. Just remember that your baby got fed and that's the important thing. I was only able to bf 1 out of my 3 but I know that they still got fed and I don't have any different of a bond with the bf one than the other two.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 9, 2014 at 7:49 PM
1 mom liked this

You did what you needed to do, for both you and your son.  Being bipolar myself, I feel pretty confident saying you were a better mother ON your meds than you would have been off.  You FED YOUR BABY.  It really doesn't matter how you did it, you did it.  

I'm not belittling your feelings, it's pretty normal now to feel like you failed if you didn't breastfeed.  When I was born, you were considered strange if you did breastfeed.  It's all a matter of perception.  You didn't fail.  I breastfed one of mine and didn't another.  I really don't feel any more bonded to the one I nursed, or less bonded to the one that got a bottle.  Both are happy and healthy.  Try not to be so hard on yourself, mama!

mommyfesha
by monster on May. 9, 2014 at 7:51 PM
Sometimes the negative things in life can be hard to get passed. Especially big disappointment like that

Quoting Anonymous:

thank you :)

I know ds and I are close now (he's 8).  Idk why it still bothers me.

Quoting mommyfesha: *hugs* I'm sorry you had to deal with that negativity. Just remember that your baby got fed and that's the important thing. I was only able to bf 1 out of my 3 but I know that they still got fed and I don't have any different of a bond with the bf one than the other two.

Elyce225
by Ruby Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:53 PM

Aww this is horrible.

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