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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

wwyd about your fil?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
Fil has a girl friend and does everything and anything she says, and I mean anything.

He and DD (now 6) use to be close. The gf came into the picture 2 years aago, and since then a lot has happened. She ended up slapping DD (then 4), and giving her the evil eye anytime she saw her.
We told fil this and he refused to say even a word to her so we made it a rule that our kids are not allowed around here. At all. He forgot all his grandkids birthdays (which he never did before), never cones around. Nothing. All DS wanted for his birthday was to go to dinner again (we use to go out every Friday with fil as a family weekend get together type thing). Fil said no unless gf could come. So a big fat no. DS spent his bday crying.

DD came to me today and said she misses grandpa and wishes "that mean lady" wasent around because she wants her grandpa back. She also said it hurts her heart that grandpa doesn't "want" her anymore.

I'm at a loss for words on how to respond to her. She's brought it up before but she usually cries. Thus time she didn't and when she was done talking said "I didn't cry this time, there's no point." :(

Dh has talked to him many many many times in the last two years and we have decided that once we move we won't allow him in the kids life anymore.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 10, 2014 at 3:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 10, 2014 at 3:42 AM
Well, although I feel bad for your DD, your FIL does have his own life, it sucks that he doesn't pay much or any attention to your DD anymore, but he doesn't have to. It's his loss, don't get hung up on that.
curvygurl1912
by Renee on May. 10, 2014 at 3:43 AM
When someone has shown you that they will hurt your child, the best thing to do is to just keep them away. They will get over it in time, but not if the hurt is allowed to continue. I have been through it with my child so I know how much it hurts you when your child says things like that to you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 10, 2014 at 3:48 AM
1 mom liked this
This.

Quoting curvygurl1912: When someone has shown you that they will hurt your child, the best thing to do is to just keep them away. They will get over it in time, but not if the hurt is allowed to continue. I have been through it with my child so I know how much it hurts you when your child says things like that to you.
iamcafemom83
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 3:52 AM
That really stinks for the kids.
It seems fil has made his choice. He has chosen the gf over the kids.
Does she have to come to every event? Woukd it be possible to see him when she is working or elsewhere?

I would tell the kids granpa loves them very much but right now, it is hard to visit with him.

I would leave the door open for fil. I don't think there is a need to cut him out of your life, completely. Distance, yes. But don't close the door completely.

Surround the kids with those who love and enjoy their company.
laineysmum
by Silver Member on May. 10, 2014 at 3:52 AM

Yup. Cut off contact now. It's unfortunate, but it doesn't look like lady is going anywhere anytime soon and your kids want and deserve to be protected from this. I'm sorry, what a shitty situation. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 10, 2014 at 3:52 AM
Exactly. He came over last week after not coming in almost a year (he lives down the street). The kids were ecstatic and happy. When he had to leave and I told them to say bye they just stood together, straight faced eyes fixed on the floor. I told them to hug grandpa since he was leaving and they just walked and stood by him, he "hugged" them and they walked off. After I closed the front door I went to find them and they were on their beds crying. Dh has told him over and over, we don't care what he does to use but he won't hurt our kids. This was the final straw.

We are moving and have no plans on letting him know, or giving him our new address.
Before his gf he would ask them to come over every single day to see them and have a snack. He would take them shopping, to events, we went to dinner every Friday, then IHOP or Denny's and the movies on Sunday. He was a constant in their life that just dropped off the planet.

Quoting curvygurl1912: When someone has shown you that they will hurt your child, the best thing to do is to just keep them away. They will get over it in time, but not if the hurt is allowed to continue. I have been through it with my child so I know how much it hurts you when your child says things like that to you.
curvygurl1912
by Renee on May. 10, 2014 at 3:56 AM
I am sorry for your kids, momma. That is sad.

Quoting Anonymous: Exactly. He came over last week after not coming in almost a year (he lives down the street). The kids were ecstatic and happy. When he had to leave and I told them to say bye they just stood together, straight faced eyes fixed on the floor. I told them to hug grandpa since he was leaving and they just walked and stood by him, he "hugged" them and they walked off. After I closed the front door I went to find them and they were on their beds crying. Dh has told him over and over, we don't care what he does to use but he won't hurt our kids. This was the final straw.

We are moving and have no plans on letting him know, or giving him our new address.
Before his gf he would ask them to come over every single day to see them and have a snack. He would take them shopping, to events, we went to dinner every Friday, then IHOP or Denny's and the movies on Sunday. He was a constant in their life that just dropped off the planet.

Quoting curvygurl1912: When someone has shown you that they will hurt your child, the best thing to do is to just keep them away. They will get over it in time, but not if the hurt is allowed to continue. I have been through it with my child so I know how much it hurts you when your child says things like that to you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 10, 2014 at 3:58 AM
He won't go anywhere without her (and her three kids..well soon to be 4).

He passes our house everyday.
He works in a machine shop, and its not safe to bring kids in.

We've tried over and over to even set up a call but he won't talk to them. His gf has told him to not see them on many occasions and he obeys her.

We almost lost our house and became homeless and asked for a $400 loan (he has over $100,000 in savings). He said no because she wanted a new purse and "good luck". He has no good intentions and were done giving him chance after chance.

Quoting iamcafemom83: That really stinks for the kids.
It seems fil has made his choice. He has chosen the gf over the kids.
Does she have to come to every event? Woukd it be possible to see him when she is working or elsewhere?

I would tell the kids granpa loves them very much but right now, it is hard to visit with him.

I would leave the door open for fil. I don't think there is a need to cut him out of your life, completely. Distance, yes. But don't close the door completely.

Surround the kids with those who love and enjoy their company.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 10, 2014 at 4:00 AM
We tried very very hard to like his gf. She just has this "vibe" about her....but we tried. Her slapping our child was pretty much the last straw as far as she went. I know some don't understand why were upset at how distant he's become, but they have no idea I guess just how close he was with the kids before gf.

Quoting curvygurl1912: I am sorry for your kids, momma. That is sad.

Quoting Anonymous: Exactly. He came over last week after not coming in almost a year (he lives down the street). The kids were ecstatic and happy. When he had to leave and I told them to say bye they just stood together, straight faced eyes fixed on the floor. I told them to hug grandpa since he was leaving and they just walked and stood by him, he "hugged" them and they walked off. After I closed the front door I went to find them and they were on their beds crying. Dh has told him over and over, we don't care what he does to use but he won't hurt our kids. This was the final straw.

We are moving and have no plans on letting him know, or giving him our new address.
Before his gf he would ask them to come over every single day to see them and have a snack. He would take them shopping, to events, we went to dinner every Friday, then IHOP or Denny's and the movies on Sunday. He was a constant in their life that just dropped off the planet.

Quoting curvygurl1912: When someone has shown you that they will hurt your child, the best thing to do is to just keep them away. They will get over it in time, but not if the hurt is allowed to continue. I have been through it with my child so I know how much it hurts you when your child says things like that to you.
iamcafemom83
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 4:01 AM
So they are having kids together?
Guess she isn't going anywhere any time soon:(
Well seeing that it's more than just him ignoring the kids, I don't blame you all for letting go. It really is too bad that you can't even have dinner together. Wonder what her deal is?


Quoting Anonymous: He won't go anywhere without her (and her three kids..well soon to be 4).

He passes our house everyday.
He works in a machine shop, and its not safe to bring kids in.

We've tried over and over to even set up a call but he won't talk to them. His gf has told him to not see them on many occasions and he obeys her.

We almost lost our house and became homeless and asked for a $400 loan (he has over $100,000 in savings). He said no because she wanted a new purse and "good luck". He has no good intentions and were done giving him chance after chance.

Quoting iamcafemom83: That really stinks for the kids.
It seems fil has made his choice. He has chosen the gf over the kids.
Does she have to come to every event? Woukd it be possible to see him when she is working or elsewhere?

I would tell the kids granpa loves them very much but right now, it is hard to visit with him.

I would leave the door open for fil. I don't think there is a need to cut him out of your life, completely. Distance, yes. But don't close the door completely.

Surround the kids with those who love and enjoy their company.
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