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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I just need to vent about sister smoking while pregnant

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies
First things first, I know this is my issue and not my sister's. It's her body, her baby. But it really has me upset, so I would like to get this out anyways. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Feel free to bash away.

Ok, she has been smoking since she was 15. She had never cared about quitting. The only time she has ever tried was when she was out of work. And only because our mom refused to by her cigs, but offered patches instead. We actually talked in the past about if she would quit when she got pregnant. Even then, she said she had heard quitting stress would be worse for the baby than smoking.

So, she found out she was pregnant. She tried to quit. Well, she "cut back" for about a month. Now she's back up to over a pack a day. In the beginning, I tried to help her quit. And we talked about the dangers of smoking. Then suddenly she decided the only possible issue would be low birth weight, and made it clear she wouldn't quit. That was around 4 months. She's 8 months now. I have not mentioned it again. It's not my place.

But, it's like a constant worry. She's gone into labor twice. Real labor. Both times it's stopped. She smells like an ash tray. And I stand there and watch her sucking down these death sticks while commenting on how the baby is kicking.

Since I'm already venting, she also whines constantly. She drinks caffeine because she's tired. Takes medicine she's not necessarily supposed to. (My opinion. Things may have changed since my pregnancy 8 years ago. But my doc gave me a list, and I suffered the worst cold of my life and didn't take a thing, because I didn't want to risk it.).

I know she loves her baby. But I can't imagine knowing you're pregnant, and doing something like that. Every cigarette I would feel like shit. I would hate myself and feel so guilty that I would probably guilt myself into quitting pretty quick. And if the baby comes and has issues, it's going to break my heart for both of them. It just makes me feel bad. Like my heart is heavy.

She and I are so similar. But also so different. I have always been more mature, where she just goes with the flow. She gets herself into situations that she can't get herself out of. Someone always steps in to help. For me, having my son made me grow up like crazy. She has not bought even a single outfit for the baby herself yet. Everything she has was purchased by the rest of us. Meanwhile her limited income is going towards take out and cigs.

Sorry this is so long. Again, I know it's none of my business. I'm doing my best to keep my opinions to myself. But I had to get it out. Thanks to anyone who bothered to get this far.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 10, 2014 at 4:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 10, 2014 at 4:44 AM
1 mom liked this
This is a good place to vent and I understand the frustration, but I'd keep it to myself. She knows she's wrong and nothing you say will change things.
BekahBrownEyes
by NoLies on May. 10, 2014 at 4:47 AM
I agree with you on this one. In my opinion your sister is just a pile of dog crap. Cigarettes are just so disgusting. ...filled with poison . .and she is too selfish to care. Plus she knows if anything at all does go wrong, that her family will swoop in and take care of it for her. Seriously you all need to stop enabling her. Oh and don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong for feeling like you do. You certainly have shown more restraint than I would.
Adrianne122005
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2014 at 4:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Smoking after baby is born ups the risk of SIDS too. Make sure she knows that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 10, 2014 at 4:53 AM
I agree. The only thing mentioning it will do is make her mad at me. I'm the same way at first, hearing something I don't want to hear. And if I were as adamant about it as she is smoking, I may over react. I can only imagine her reaction. And I don't want to risk being cut off right before the baby is born. Thanks for listening.

Quoting Anonymous: This is a good place to vent and I understand the frustration, but I'd keep it to myself. She knows she's wrong and nothing you say will change things.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 10, 2014 at 4:58 AM
I know that. But easier said than done. We are a very small family. 3 deaths in 8 years. Which also cost us other family members after a new marriage. That, and the fact my family was there for me through some bad decisions of my own, it's hard to not offer help when I can see she needs it.

But you're right. I learned the hard way with a friend, they have to find their own rock bottom before they make a change. I have a bad feeling that having her baby be born with health issues would make her change. But what a horrible thing to have to happen, when it could have been so easily avoided. Thanks for replying.

Quoting BekahBrownEyes: I agree with you on this one. In my opinion your sister is just a pile of dog crap. Cigarettes are just so disgusting. ...filled with poison . .and she is too selfish to care. Plus she knows if anything at all does go wrong, that her family will swoop in and take care of it for her. Seriously you all need to stop enabling her. Oh and don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong for feeling like you do. You certainly have shown more restraint than I would.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 10, 2014 at 5:02 AM
I read that. I mentioned it too. Out aunt is/was a smoker too. She lost her first born to sids 45 years ago. If it bothered her at all, she didn't act like it. She did say she read that the health benefits are better to breast feed than not, even if she smokes.

She's reading up. She talks about fears she has about random things she's read. Infections during delivery. With the epidural. I just can't wrap my head around worrying over some things, but not that she's sucking poison into her body all day. It makes no sense to me.

Quoting Adrianne122005: Smoking after baby is born ups the risk of SIDS too. Make sure she knows that.
EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on May. 10, 2014 at 5:03 AM
I've heard some people claim to have been told not to stop by their drs but I think it's just selfish. Motherhood is all about sacrifice and putting yourself second 90% of the time. If you can't even be bothered to try then it makes me wonder what kind of mother you'll be.
Idk about where you are but here in the UK, social services (cps) will rreally be breathing down your neck if you smoke during pregnancy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 10, 2014 at 5:04 AM
My sil law is 20 weeks and still smoking heavily. She had quit for about 2 weeks while my brother was home. Then he left to go over seas and she started back out of boredom. She was still smoking last Friday. I don't think my brother knows but im sure he will soon enough. You can't hide that smell.

I have the same worries for their child. I know some kids are born healthy after the mom smokes but I personally find it the first sign of selfishness. If you can't put your kids needs above your wants then you are not a parent in my book
csxt99
by Jennifer on May. 10, 2014 at 5:07 AM

You summed it up yourself.  Her body, her baby, none of your business.

monkeymommy325
by on May. 10, 2014 at 5:20 AM
I am a smoker. My whole family smokes, oso it is no wonder I picked up the habit. My mom smoked through both her pregnancies, with my sister and I. I quit while I was pregnant, but only made it about a week out of the hospital before I picked it up again.

That being said, I do not smoke in my house. I do not smoke in my car while my son is in the car. However, my smoking does not at all affect my ability to be a mother to my child. I think that it is incredibly ignorant to smoke while you are pregnant. There are so many health issues that it can cause for your child. And I do not agree with parents who smoke in their house next to their baby/child. But there is nothing that you can do about it. Your sister knows the risks, and as awful as it is to watch, they are her risks to take. All yu can do is hope and pray that her child is not negatively effected by it.

I'm sorry that you are in this position. I too have been there with my cousin. Unfortunately, her terrible choices cost her a child. So you pray for that baby, that she will be the exception. That she will have her health when she joins this journey we call life.
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