It has nothing to do with gifts, or lack of. I have a 5 year old and I love him very much. I would love to have a second baby but my health sucks and I will probably never get the green light for it. I used to say "I love being one and done" but times like today I wish I could have just 1 more baby. My son loves babies, he is so helpful and caring. He is one of the sweetest kids I know, he is always helpful to others and so gentle with babies. I would love to see him as a big brother, he would be so amazing.
Every time I start to think I could handle another pregnancy my health craps out again. I have had thyroid cancer, appendicitis, gall stones, UTIs, and things that haven't even been figured out yet. This is just in the last 3 years. I start to think I am doing well again, I exercise and eat right, I don't smoke or drink (never really have) and still my health just blows. It is so frustrated to basically have this decision made for me and there are people who drink, smoke, and eat nothing but shit and yet they are healthy as can be and having babies. Yes, I am jealous. I am jealous and it makes my heart hurt watching it when it should be me.
I don't have anyone to confide in because I have kept up such a tough front for so long. I hate looking weak but I feel it, days like today. I just want to have another baby and get the chance to grow my family just one more time.