Final Update: A girl came to my door claiming to be my DH daughter,
I did not believe her at first. She said her mom told her the name of dad. She looked him up and found his address. I asked her how old she was and she said she was 18. I told her there is no way. She said that her father and mother dated while he was separated from his wife. She said he left her when she told him she was giving her up for adoption. My Dh and I have been married for 21 years. We have 5 kids. One is 18. We were never separated. I told her it must be a man by the same name and she showed me a pic of her mom and my husband together. So at the very least.....he knew her. I told her to come back about 7pm tonight and he would be home. He actually comes home at 5pm but I want a chance to find out what the hell is going on. It is possible that he was just a friend (although I never met her) and the mother told her my DH was the father thinking she wouldn't actually seek him out. I am hoping that's the case. This makes me so upset. If this is true I have more questions. Is she the only one? and why? I keep thinking back to then and I cannot remember us having any problems. We had a child during this time. If its true I feel sad and betrayed and I am not sure how our kids are going to feel.
I can finally update because its not featured. I am putting the OP I made so people would understand that it was in fact me.
My husband came home at 4pm because i told him he needed to get home. I told him what happened. He denied it at first. But I knew he was lying.I could see it in his eyes and manner. I have known this man for 25 years. My heart pretty much broke. I told him I knew he was lying. He tried for 30 minutes to convince me it was a lie. I told him okay when she gets here I will go get a DNA test and we can take it. He went to our bedroom and slammed the door. He came down 30 minutes later and told me the truth. He said that when we were married about 3 years he met a woman. They started something and she became pregnant and about the same time she found out that he had been lying to her and that he was not seperated and actually married and I was pregnant as well. She told him to leave and never come back and she gave the baby up for adoption. He signed the papers when she was born. He knew about her. I am so angry.She doesnt live with her mom ( i know some people were asking about that) she was adopted out. When she came later I went up to my room and packed my bags. My children and I are going to my sisters for a few weeks until I decide what to do. I do not blame the girl, I dont even blame the woman, and told the girl last night if she wants to meet her siblings to call me and let me know. I know its been almost 19 years but its stil a betrayel. I am not sure i can get past it. I did not expect my post to blow up this big. I havent read all your replies but thanks for your well wishes.
UPDATE : I havent talk to husband. He has called me a few times but I decided to at least not talk to him this weekend. The girl did call me. I told the kids tonight what has happened. The young lady is coming out with me and the kids for sunday dinner at a resturant we go to sometimes after church. She is meeting her siblings there. My two oldest are not taking it well. I told them that their father loves them and this is between me and him and it doesnt change the fact he is your father. My youngest two are not getting it . I know some of you were asking about wheter i would let her see her siblings. Like I said before she was an innocent here.
He showed up at brunch yesterday and I decided to let him stay for his children. We went back to our house to talk and he told me did not want a divorce and that he was sorry for what he did. I told him I felt betrayed and that we can not just come back from that. He asked if we could just separate for a while and try to do counselling and see if we can be together. I told him we could try that but he would have to move out and that he had to tell me now if there was any more woman. He claimed there wasn't. She was a mistake and the only one. So I am not filing divorce papers yet but he is moving out and into an apartment. We will be going to a marriage therapy through our church. That doesn't mean we will not get divorced but I should at least try and see and give him a chance to tell me his thoughts and feelings. Maybe I can find out why he felt he needed to betray me like that. Thanks for all of your support.