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How to I calm his fears, when I feel like Im going to throw up!!

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Yes, I posted this before, but its getting closer and my son just threw me a whammy!! My son sees an orthopedic surgeon on Monday, but he is terrified to go!  His pediatrician is sending us to a new one because he old one basically threw his hands in the air and told us there was nothing else he could do, even though all he did was try one kind of leg brace and never see him again.

Here is a picture of his legs and feet, basically his feet resemble flippers, this is how he stands and walks, his one foot is almost completely turned around when he walks, and he is in pain all the time and very weak in the legs. He is holding his birthday present!

       

Tonight he asked me if he told me something would I be mad, and of course I told him I absolutly wouldnt be mad. He then proceeded to cry and say, "I dont want to go to the doctor, Im scared, what if they want to do surgery!" (he overheard the pediatrician say it might come to surgery!) I told him that daddy and mommy would never ever let them do anything without talking about it first, and talking to him about it, but Im freaking out on the inside too!! 

Im not letting him see me freaking out, but its incredibly hard to assure your child, when you want to throw up!

I handled his autism diagnosis better than this, its just the thought of him going to surgery that makes me want to cry!!

Any ideas of what I can to do reassure him, he really needs to go, so cancelling is not an option, any longer and he wont be able to walk! 

The closer his appt gets the more nervous I get and now he is terrified and doesnt want to go! I am going to barf!!
 


by on May. 15, 2014 at 8:48 PM
Replies (11-18):
FabAnonLife
by on May. 15, 2014 at 9:28 PM

Good then I say try it. That was my first thought but not knowing him personally, I didn't know if it was a good idea. But it's a way to show him that it will be okay and he can have a little buddy with him always that has the same issue with his foot and he can help him fix it just like the doctors will fix his (your sons). And as difficult as it is, keep it together mama. At least while you're in his presence. He needs to see that you are strong and that you know things will be just fine, even if he has to have a surgery. If you break down with him it'll make him that much more worried. 

you could also start another post just asking people to send wishes to him directly, and include his name. People could tell him briefly when they went thru something or were scared, so that he can read some of them and understands we all go through tough times but that it's okay and that lots of people are thinking about him during his tough time. 


Anyway I hope that the stuffed animal thing at least is a good idea and will make him feel better. I feel for you guys, it's not fair but it'll be okay :)

Quoting ahappymommy:

Actually, his is autistic and loves stuff toys, so that might actually work!

Quoting FabAnonLife:

Wow, I'm so sorry that you guys are going through that. Kids should never have to worry about stuff like that! I've never been through that so I cannot speak from experience. What I'd imagine myself doing first is reassuring him. Explain to them that no matter what, mommy and daddy will always be there and that we love him. Then explain that if he does need surgery, we will be right there with him and that he will be okay. They'll give him sleepy medication and he will sleep right through it. I was gona say maybe there is a stuffed animal or something that has a problem with its foot and needs surgery and you guys could bandage it up and he can keep it with him but then I saw your sons pic and realize he's probably too old for that, my kids are 2 and 4 so I'm probably thinking more about that age. Anyway, just reassure him. He needs to know you guys will always be there and that while it's okay to be scared, he will be okay. Good luck, we send our prayers 



Bluerose1482
by Ruby Member on May. 15, 2014 at 10:08 PM

Be sure to update and let us know what happened.  And good luck to all of you.

Quoting ahappymommy:

Thats a good idea, his daddy and I can both share a time we where nervous with him, that migh help! Thank you!

Quoting Bluerose1482:

First, reassure him.  It is normal and natural to feel scared.  Share a time that you were nervous about something with him.  

Just explain to him that, it isn't definate that he will need surgery.  Reassure him that you are just going to talk to the dr and that all the dr will do is explain what your options are and ultimately, you, dh and your  son will decide what should be done.  

Sorry momma.  It is a hard situation and that's all I have.



ahappymommy
by Platinum Member on May. 15, 2014 at 10:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you, and I  will keep you updated! 

Quoting Bluerose1482:

Be sure to update and let us know what happened.  And good luck to all of you.

Quoting ahappymommy:

Thats a good idea, his daddy and I can both share a time we where nervous with him, that migh help! Thank you!

Quoting Bluerose1482:

First, reassure him.  It is normal and natural to feel scared.  Share a time that you were nervous about something with him.  

Just explain to him that, it isn't definate that he will need surgery.  Reassure him that you are just going to talk to the dr and that all the dr will do is explain what your options are and ultimately, you, dh and your  son will decide what should be done.  

Sorry momma.  It is a hard situation and that's all I have.




OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on May. 15, 2014 at 10:53 PM

oh my gosh, your son is ADORABLE!!!!


Torihoney5njn
by Kristy on May. 15, 2014 at 10:58 PM
First of all that is a kick ass birthday gift- lucky guy! :)

You have to calm yourself if you want him to be calm and remain optimistic about his options. If surgery helps his long term mobility, you need to begin discussing this as the eventual next step, not if but when.

Kids feed off their parents. You can't think of the pain or fear in anticipating it, rather watching him continue to move around independently and have as close to a normal life as possible.

Mamas are fierce- find it within you and move forward, you can do this! :)
ahappymommy
by Platinum Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:22 PM

Thank you so much!

Quoting OwlNuggets:

oh my gosh, your son is ADORABLE!!!!


ahappymommy
by Platinum Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:26 PM

Im trying, its just the thought of him going into surgery kills me!  

(here is his other present, he is a bit of a starwars fan)

Quoting Torihoney5njn: First of all that is a kick ass birthday gift- lucky guy! :) You have to calm yourself if you want him to be calm and remain optimistic about his options. If surgery helps his long term mobility, you need to begin discussing this as the eventual next step, not if but when. Kids feed off their parents. You can't think of the pain or fear in anticipating it, rather watching him continue to move around independently and have as close to a normal life as possible. Mamas are fierce- find it within you and move forward, you can do this! :)


Torihoney5njn
by Kristy on May. 15, 2014 at 11:35 PM
Major mama bonus points- :)

I know contemplating such a major step is daunting, I hope you come to peace with your decision. I'll be rooting for you both.

Quoting ahappymommy:

Im trying, its just the thought of him going into surgery kills me!  

(here is his other present, he is a bit of a starwars fan)

Quoting Torihoney5njn: First of all that is a kick ass birthday gift- lucky guy! :)

You have to calm yourself if you want him to be calm and remain optimistic about his options. If surgery helps his long term mobility, you need to begin discussing this as the eventual next step, not if but when.

Kids feed off their parents. You can't think of the pain or fear in anticipating it, rather watching him continue to move around independently and have as close to a normal life as possible.

Mamas are fierce- find it within you and move forward, you can do this! :)

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