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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Losing friends over money, shallow?

Posted by on May. 19, 2014 at 9:54 AM
  • 18 Replies
I have lost two friend due to their financial hardships, does that make me shallow?

We are not rich by any means, in fact there have been times we have been flat broke and only had $5 to last us for over a week.

But DH and I have learned to take better care of our money. We have learned to save and live well under our means instead of over our means.

Both friendships I lost I started out sympathizing with the family. I understand because I understand hard times, but then I would get taken advantage of and then it would turn into them wanting to borrow money or constantly talking about their struggles. Then what would send me over the edge is they would ask to borrow money but then not spend money responsibly. Or if I told them I couldn't loan them any money I would get snotty remarks or guilted.

So am I shallow? Or do I just find bad friends?



by on May. 19, 2014 at 9:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2014 at 10:04 AM
Oh and these weren't life long friends or anything.

One of the "friends" I met in a single moms group at my old church. We never directly talked about how much money we made, but we talked about how to save money since we were both single moms and broke. During the course of our friendship (2.5 years) I got remarried and my financial status changed. Not a month after I got married things changed. Instead of doing free things with the kids she all of a sudden wanted to do thins that cost money and expected me to pay for it. The last straw was when we did a joint party for our kids. I paid for everything and she took home all the leftovers!

incogNinja
by Whofflé on May. 19, 2014 at 10:05 AM
It's not being shallow , I have been through the same thing. It's not like you only want RICH friends , it just gets infuriating watching people make stupid mistakes over and over and putting themselves in ridiculous situations , especially when they have kids.
CGM2012
by Gold Member on May. 19, 2014 at 10:08 AM

Not loaning money is not shallow. However I dont think you should offer advice or say anything if they dont spend their money responsibly. Just say your sorry they are having a hard time and leave it at that.

BAMFSFW
by Gold Member on May. 19, 2014 at 10:10 AM
1 mom liked this
Def not shallow, but you have to say no. Rich or poor makes no difference to me, but no adult has ever asked me for $...& would get a big fat NO if they did. Users tend to try & take advantage of people they know are nice enough to say yes.
L202M
by on May. 19, 2014 at 10:10 AM

No, you're not shallow.  I don't really think this has to do with money in the first place. They were taking advantage of you and if it wasn't about money, it would be about something else.  Some people are just users and takers, and then get mad if you don't let them use you.

Find better friends.

Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2014 at 10:10 AM
The second friend I met at a stay at home moms group.

Again the only reason money ever came up is because we talked about ways to same money. But slowly she started over sharing her money problems. And she started calling asking to borrow money all the time.
She would come over and say her lights got shut off or that they had no food.
We did help them out at first because I honestly thought they were just going through a rough time due to her health problems. But then I would find out that they ate out all the time. Once I brought her over a box of food and $20 to buy diapers. A few hours later I ran into her at Starbucks...the barista told me thy she was a regular customer and came in almost every day.

I felt really betrayed and stopped talking to her after that.
lizfnf
by on May. 19, 2014 at 10:14 AM

I make it a point not to mix money and friendship.  Unless I'm prepared to give you the money as a gift I won't lend.  I tend not to talk about money either.  And if someone consistently whines about a lack of funds, but always has something new for themselves/their kids, I tire of their complaints quickly.

Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on May. 19, 2014 at 10:14 AM
Well at first the advice would go both ways.
Like my first friend shared a lot f advice on how to make food last and to make meals from nothing. She knew also knew where the best places to take the kids for little to no money and when the water park had its $1 days. But after I got married she instantly thought I was a cash machine.

Quoting CGM2012:

Not loaning money is not shallow. However I dont think you should offer advice or say anything if they dont spend their money responsibly. Just say your sorry they are having a hard time and leave it at that.

heidi749
by Canadian on May. 19, 2014 at 10:14 AM

Not shallow.. Loaning money + friend = disaster, in my experice anyway..


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 19, 2014 at 10:17 AM

It's be one thing if you were like- ew not hanging around you because you have no money. However, spending time with people who have the same values is an important part of friendship.  

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