Seeing the posts about women being submissive had me thinking, so I decided to take my own advice and state what it means, to me. I know not everyone will agree, and that is fine. Some are more submissive, some will never be, you have to do what works for you. This will be kind of long.
My husband and I decided to live in what is called a Taken in Hand (TiH) relationship. There are some aspects of the relationship dynamic that we do not follow, and some that we do, and I will address that. Google it, learn something while you are at it.
He is the man of the house. He is bread winner, he is the one in charge. If there are decisions that need to be made, most of the time, I go with what he chooses. If he wants food, I get up and make it for him. If something needs to be done, I do it. I cater to him, pretty much. If there is medical reason, such as now while I am on bed rest, I don't, because it is not safe for me to do so. He doesn't get angry, or say anything about it. He actually gets upset that I over do it. Of course, overdoing it to him is not waking him up after only four hours of sleep to change the two year old's diaper or let the dogs out, but he is getting the fact that I am not going to have him do every little thing. I can do stuff, but not much. Anyway, I digress.
If for any reason, I disagree with a decision he is making, I say so. We have a discussion about what the decision is, why he feels the way he does, why I feel the way I do, and come to a conclusion that works. Any major purchases have to have mutual agreement. Any life altering decisions have to have mutual agreement. I still very much have a voice, and I use it regularly. If I do something without discussing it with him first, an argument does not insue. It is addressed, but never with anger. With most TiH relationships, the husband could choose to punish the wife, including spanking for misbehavior, not for sexual excitement or gratification. We do not include this aspect of TiH in our relationship. We chose not to.
He is in no way controlling me, and at any point, I have all the power. I know it may not seem like it to anyone that does not understand the dynamic, but I do. At any time, I can tell him that this is not working, I no longer want to live under the TiH dynamic, and that from now on, everything will be discussed and I will not just agree with him. That ends it right there. But I don't want to. I am very happy with the way we live, I am satisfied in every aspect of our marriage, and in the three years since we got married we have been in two arguments. Neither lasted longer than a few minutes, usually with me separating myself from the situation and coming back when we were both calmer to discuss the issue like adults, not screaming children.
Like I already said, I know this dynamic is not for everyone. I know that not all relationships are the same as ours, just like not all people are the same as us. I am a firm believer that you find what works for you and you do it. My way works for me, your way works for you. Any questions are welcome, and I am sure the bashing will start as well. I will answer any questions you ladies have, I am open with my relationship dynamic anyway. There may be things I am not covering without realizing it.