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I am in the middle of a love triangle....ETA

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 128 Replies

I really have no clue what to do. 

There are two very amazing guys who both play a huge role in my life. I really want opinions from people so I can think things through. It seems so silly to be doing this but I feel stuck and I am miserable

1. My best friend/room mate/coworker. 

  • We have been best friends for a long time now. We are very very close
  • I used to be so in love with him but he friend zoned me pretty early on. I got over most of my feelings for him but there has always been something there
  • We made out once years ago it was awesome but I stopped it. 
  • I am more comfortable with him than anyone else. Many of my past relationships have not worked out because of how close we are.
  • He has been with a lot of women. I mean a lot. 
  • He has not always been faithful. His marriage fell apart when he cheated on his ex. 

I think we could be perfect together but at the same time I know his past and what he is capable and it is hard to get past the fact that he cheated on others.  He realized when I started dating option number two that he "was crazy about me and the thought of me actually getting serious with someone else broke his heart" He was very hurt that I didnt tell him about guy number two and that I was hiding it from him 

2. The guy I was dating for awhile until I got confused and told him I needed a break. Also a coworker

  • A really really nice guy who is all around awesome
  • Has only been with his wife, one girl in high school, and I
  • Totally not my type usually 
  • A very stable person 
  • Much older than me (15 years)
  • Was also married in the past but divorced because his ex wanted to move out of the country and he didnt. 
  • Used to be my boss kind of (I was a TA for his class before we started official dating when we got close) 
  • It took him a really long time to be okay with telling everyone about us mostly because of the above point and also because he didnt want things to get messy at work 

There was a point where I was lying/omitting the truth from both of them. 2 didnt know that I lived with 1 for awhile and 1 didnt know I was dating 2 for awhile. I sat down with both of them and we talked it out and things were looking better until number 1 confessed he loved me. If  2 wasnt in the picture I would be with him no questions asked. All of my other friends are always amazed we arent together. Even my family asks me when we are getting married. I feel like he would be the obvious choice except I know he has cheated and that scares me. I feel like I can trust him 100% as a friend and he would never intentionally hurt me that way but being in a relationship with someone is different than just being a friend. I dont think i could trust him 100% because he could cheat. 

The second guy would be awesome to be with and settle down with but he is very jealous of guy number 1 and I understand that. We are close and he knows I had/have feelings for him. He has never asked me to stop being friends with him but I am not sure how a relationship with him would work with me being friends with guy number 1 and honestly I dont know how to not be friends with him. 

I know if I pick number 1 I will lose out on having number 2 in my life probably even as friends and that really really sucks and it hurts to think about but if I pick number 2 and lose number 1 that thought is unbearable.  

I am at a loss at what to do. I know this is long and people probably wont care and I am sure I will get bashed but I figured it cant make things any worse

ETA: The cheating was about 8 years ago so not recent. I know that doesnt make a huge difference but I think he might have outgrown it but at the same time you never know for sure. 

 I feel a connection with number 1 that I have never felt with anyone else ever. 


ETA2: Just so I can save myself from repeating the things over and over. Number 1 never knew that I had feelings for him. There were a few times I almost told him but he didnt know. I also did not know he felt the same way. I talked to his brother and he sent me tons of emails, texts, and even a voicemail of number 1 talking about how much he loved me and wished we could be together. 

When number 1 told me his feelings I sat number 2 down and was 100% honest about it and how confused I was and I did not want to string him along and that he should move on and find someone else. He said he is waiting until I decide which I hate so much because it isnt fair to him

I havent talked to either of them in 2 months about anything that is not essential (work related things only)


Eta 3: I dont have many options. All my past relationships have failed because of my work. I get very little time out of work. Some days I sleep at work. Sometimes I am gone for weeks or months at a time doing research. I was only able to see my exs maybe a few times a month if that. At least at work I get to spend time with them more time than I would ever be able to spend with anyone else. 

My work schedule is not going to change for a very long time. Probably not until I retire. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rfhsure
by beast mode on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:50 PM
7 moms liked this
Stay single, and mature a bit. When you get to that point, choose better guys.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:51 PM
2 moms liked this
Let's see... number one is a cheater and player. Number 2 is stable and faithful. Hmmmmmm. .. tough choice
Hanab818
by ThePonds on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:51 PM
Flip a coin. Head for option 1 and tails for option 2. Come back and let me know what it landed on.


Dont worry there is a method to my madness.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:52 PM

I have been single mostly for a long time. 

I think they both are great guys. I feel I will have this issue between number 1 and any other guy though 

Quoting rfhsure: Stay single, and mature a bit. When you get to that point, choose better guys.


AnHpuresugar
by Emerald Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:53 PM
9 moms liked this

You aren't going to like my response.  You can't trust number one and he only wanted you romantically when he realized that you were dating someone else.  You wouldn't be dreaming of #1 still if #2 was as good of a match as you want.  

You need to be friends with both and keep looking.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:53 PM
Does the first guy even want to be with you? Like has he said that he does?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:53 PM

I see I did not make it clear in the OP that his cheating was about 8 years ago so not recent. I know that doesnt make a huge difference but I think he might have outgrown it but at the same time you never know for sure. 

It is a tough choice. I feel a connection with number 1 that I have never felt with anyone else ever. 

Quoting Anonymous: Let's see... number one is a cheater and player. Number 2 is stable and faithful. Hmmmmmm. .. tough choice


abrittani
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:54 PM

I know not many people will have anything nice to say about one or the other but everyone has faults and negatives. You have to point them out to be sure your question is accurate and descriptive. I understand. I've been in this menagafuckery once before myself. For me it was a years long battle of head vs. heart. Guess what? Head... Head is always the best decision. Fuck your heart. 

rfhsure
by beast mode on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:55 PM
2 moms liked this
Good, stay single. Just because you've been single 'mostly for a long time', doesn't mean that you're ready or mature enough for a good, committed relationship. You haven't handled either situation well and based on your post you don't have the greatest taste in men nor the capacity to make good relationship choices at this point. Neither of them are a good option, and you shouldn't have to be asking this online. Just wait things out and keep doing your single thing and when a guy comes along you don't have to think this hard about choosing, maybe then you'll be ready.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have been single mostly for a long time. 

I think they both are great guys. I feel I will have this issue between number 1 and any other guy though 

Quoting rfhsure: Stay single, and mature a bit. When you get to that point, choose better guys.

TiffanyRose06
by Hufflepuff on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:55 PM
Why would you have to stop being friends with 1 if you continued a relationship with 2?
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