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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is divorce ever really better for the kids? Has anyone asked the kids?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 462 Replies
1 mom liked this

 

Poll

Question: Divorce or Friendly but Loveless marriage?

Options:

Divorce

Loveless Marriage

Other (explain)


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Total Votes: 661

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What is better for the kids?  Divorce or Loveless Marriage

Divorce is brutal on kids - if the couple doesn't fight and the family still goes on vacations and eats dinner together even have fun together, but the mom and dad just don't show affection toward each other - which scenario is better for the kids? 


Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LucyMom08
by BS Intolerant on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:56 AM
3 moms liked this
It was wonderful for us! And yes, my mom talked to us...it was the best thing that could have happened...
lovinglife1622
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:58 AM
3 moms liked this
Just because the relationship is loveless doesn't mean they are being agreeable. Fighting and a hostile environment is by for kids whether from divorce or a marriage of animosity.
ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:58 AM
11 moms liked this
I wanted my parents to divorce. I begged my mom to leave him so we could be safe and happy. So it's my opinion that it is better if the couple divorce rather than live in a loveless, or in my case, an abusive marriage. I never once missed my "intact" family. I got an amazing stepdad and he was all the daddy I needed.
Annellyse
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:59 AM
2 moms liked this

I was one of those kids.  My sisters and I were all glad when my parents finally decided to divorce.  It was a better life for all of us, including my parents.

Scurrilous
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:00 PM
9 moms liked this

Divorce was the BEST thing my parents ever did. They had been married 27 years and while they never fought (at least not in front of me--they didn't act like children) I could tell they hadn't been happy in years. They were amicable during the divorce, neither fought over custody and I got to choose who I wanted to stay with and for how long, and I went on to realize how much better it was for everyone involved. My parents went on to remarry two wonderful people and they all get along at weddings, graduations, etc. 

Children aren't dumb. Even a two year old can tell a marriage has gone sour. Too many parents try in vain to keep it together for the kids when that usually ends up making everyone unhappy in the long run. 

The real issue at hand is the fact that too many parents use their children like pawns during separation and divorce. It's disgusting. 

BTW, I was 12 when they got divorced.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:01 PM

There is no fighting.  No hostility. This is my life.  We take the kids on vacations. Sing in the car! Laugh and joke at dinner.  We sleep in the same bed at night.  We go out on dates without the kids.  But there is no passion between us.  No affection.  

Quoting lovinglife1622: Just because the relationship is loveless doesn't mean they are being agreeable. Fighting and a hostile environment is by for kids whether from divorce or a marriage of animosity.


jajumommy2000
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:01 PM
4 moms liked this
Divorce. Remember kids are watching and learning how relationships are supposed to work. Do you really want them to think a loveless marriage is acceptable? Divorce is hard on everyone, but it also gives everyone a chance to heal. If the marriage stays in tact feelings will never be dealt with and the kids are harmed worse. And this is from a kid of Divorce where my parents were only apart for a year before the decided to just live in a loveless divorce.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this

My brother and I begged our parents to get divorced several times. Their need to torture each other was horrible to live with growing up. Our lives would have been a lot better if we had not grown up in a verbal war zone. 

codfish
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:01 PM
3 moms liked this
If the parents get along well enough to stay married but not love each other why can they not divorce and co-pay entry very well?

Children base what marriage looks like in their parents unions. My kids have seen what a happy, healthy marriage looks like between my dh and I. They also saw the awful opposite when their father and I were married.

Yes, it is brutal on kids. However, their parents being miserable serves no one any good.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:02 PM
When I was 9 I asked my mom to leave my dad. Thankfully she listened to me. Even though we were crazy poor for the first few years after she left him our emotional and physical well being improved immediately. I will always be grateful that my mom listened to me that day.
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