Not supposed to spend any time with my step kids???updated again
This is the first summer we have been together for his visitation with his kids so until he drove down to pick them up on Saturday I had never had the opportunity to meet them as they live with their Mom several states away during the school year.
Originally, he and I both planned to take vacation from work and take my daughter with us to go pick them up and then have a family vacation together so we would all have a chance to get to know each other prior to the wedding. His ex wife blew her top at that idea and said there was no way she was allowing me to come with him to get his kids. Instead of arguing with her or reminding her that he had every right to take them on vacation he complied left my daughter and I at home and just came right back.
Then, he he informed me that she told him to make sure I spent as little time in her kids presence as possible. Basically, if they are hanging out as a family watching a movie, my daughter and I are to go to another part of the house and do something else. She doesn't want us all doing anything together as a family. This is HIS time with his kids and I'm not supposed to encroach on it in any way. No zoo trips unless it's just him and his kids. No shopping. No trips to the lake. My daughter and I are to included in nothing.
Instead of laughing in her face and telling her I'm going to be his wife in e weeks and no judge would ever enforce demands like that, he is caving to every demand because he is scared she will take him back to court and we can't afford that financially.
I'm truly hurt and a bit disgusted by the whole thing and am honestly considering breaking off the engagement and.moving my daughter and I out. I love the man but I feel truly undervalued and left out and I'm not willing to spend every summer having my daughter and I treated like lepers because she is so damned insecure she can't handle them having a normal relationship with their stepmom.
Update: so we had a very long talk last night. The results were good. He and I are taking the kids to the lake as a family today. He understands why I was so upset and angry and he wasnt defensive. He was honest about his fears. He agreed we need to seek legal advice and that he needs to call his ex and make it clear her demands are unreasonable and will not be met.
He doesnt want to lose me again and he swore up and down he would change things and work with me to create a family instead of excluding half the family like she wanted him to. Im sure when he calls her there will be drama but i believe he is ready to stand up to her now that he fully understands just how much complying with her demands was hurting my daughter and I.
He plans to call her tonight after we get back.from the lake.
Second update: she calked this morning. He told her he wasnt going to comply with her unreasonable demands. She got pissed and accused him of being "whipped by his bitch" and of caring more about Chelsea and I than about his kids. I was proud of him. He calmly and firmly told her that he loves ALL of us and that he will not destroy his family because she is paranoid and insecure and cant let go of a relationship "that should never have happened to begin with".
To shorten the story a bit, she told him if he cant stick to her stipulations she wants him to bring the kids back to her NOW. He refused. He.told her hed be returning them at the end of the summer ad planned and that of she has an issue with that she needs to take it up with the judge.
So as of now, the wedding is still on. Im taking his kids to get their wedding clothes fitted and tailored on Monday and hoping and praying they will he finished in time and we are seeing a lawyer on Thursday for a no-charge consultation to fond out exactly what she can and cannot ask for legally.
Another update: Family day at the lake was wonderful. His kids seem to be bonding with my daughter easily. Especially his daughter.
His ex wife called like 20 times throwing a fit though so he finally turned his phone off for the day. We talked to both of our parents about all this last night and both sets have offered to loan or even give us money to cover court costs if she drags it back to court. His dad has even offered to get us aa well respected, rather expensive lawyer. His parents are pushing for us to try for primary custody but i dont believe we have grounds. I think its just cuz hes never liked or accepted her.