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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Could you deal with something like this?????

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Be honest


Could you handle your first and only child being born the same day your mom died just nine years later?

How would you handle birthdays?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 12, 2014 at 9:51 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:23 PM

if it is THIS hard after so many years perhaps you should talk to a professional grief counselor.  You need to get a handle on this before your child clues into it.

Quoting Anonymous: I do believe in God and that she is in heaven, I've been trying to look at it as her gift to me to help the pain but it seems to make it harder as I should be happy but all I can do is relive the day of her passing. Ik she had a hand in picking him and making him the way he is as she knew I would fight for answers he has some health issues that doctors couldn't figure out till last year. Ik he has a part of her as he has given me looks and talked about things only I or her would know about. He has even talked about my dad that has also passed and things I did with my dad when I was you g. I pray every year that the pain will get better but so far no luck.
Quoting Anonymous:

sorry.... I dont see why that would bother anyone.  But maybe Im just more of an optimist than pessimist.

A child is a wonderful gift. 


Do you have a faith of any kind?  A belife in something greater?  Why not look at this as a gift FROM YOUR MOTHER.  She, where ever she is, probably knows that that particular day is hard for you and has tried to help ease that pain with a way to celebrate the day.  This child is part of her......... it has 1/4 her dna (in theory).  

Why not look at the good in life instead of focusing on the bad?????  Wouldnt she want that for you?  Dont you think that is a MUCH better way to honor her memory than to have a negative view of your own child's birthday???

Quoting Anonymous: Yes really
Quoting Anonymous: Really????


donnag013
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:23 PM

Look into EMDR therapy. You need a counselor who lsitens to you and understands what you are telling them. EMDR can reduce the intensity of memories associated with tragedy. It worked for me, and that was in 1996 or so, when it was a fledgling therapy.

Quoting Anonymous: I do have PTSD but no one believes that it's from her passing they all think its from my exdh. I've tried telling them his absue doesn't bother me and have let that go but I can't let her passing go it sucks so bad
Quoting donnag013:

It sounds like you might have PTSD. This is a REAL thing that you need treatment for so that you can move on and be healthy for you and your children

Quoting Anonymous: I wish I could do that but I remember date what day it was and time and how it all happened.
Quoting Cymbeline:

I don't remember deathdays.

I've lost loved ones, and can't remember a single day of death.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:23 PM
It is odd as I had to be induced but was in labor for a week but no progress till midnight then it was like bam I'm coming out now. It was all weird.

Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe Im the odd one, but I kind of find it interesting, its almost llike she was saying Im still here.......kwim.

Sunshine2plus2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:23 PM

I would have no choice and every year would get better. I also would not make my child through the heart ache of no birthdays, I would still celebrate his birth!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:24 PM
What is that?

Quoting donnag013:

Look into EMDR therapy. You need a counselor who lsitens to you and understands what you are telling them. EMDR can reduce the intensity of memories associated with tragedy. It worked for me, and that was in 1996 or so, when it was a fledgling therapy.

Quoting Anonymous: I do have PTSD but no one believes that it's from her passing they all think its from my exdh. I've tried telling them his absue doesn't bother me and have let that go but I can't let her passing go it sucks so bad

Quoting donnag013:

It sounds like you might have PTSD. This is a REAL thing that you need treatment for so that you can move on and be healthy for you and your children

Quoting Anonymous: I wish I could do that but I remember date what day it was and time and how it all happened.

Quoting Cymbeline:

I don't remember deathdays.

I've lost loved ones, and can't remember a single day of death.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:24 PM
yep. my mom is a pos though, so I wouldn't recognize her bday.
donnag013
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:27 PM


Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro that emphasizes disturbing memories as the cause of psychopathology[1][2] and alleviates the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EMDR is used for individuals who have experienced severe trauma that remains unresolved.[3] According to Shapiro, when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm normal cognitive and neurological coping mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli are inadequately processed and stored in an isolated memory network.[1] The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories, reducing their lingering effects and allowing clients to develop more adaptive coping mechanisms. This is done in an eight-step protocol that includes having clients recall distressing images while receiving one of several types of bilateral sensory input, including side to side eye movements.[4] The use of EMDR was originally developed to treat adults suffering from PTSD; however, it is also used to treat other conditions and children.[5]

Quoting Anonymous: What is that?
Quoting donnag013:

Look into EMDR therapy. You need a counselor who lsitens to you and understands what you are telling them. EMDR can reduce the intensity of memories associated with tragedy. It worked for me, and that was in 1996 or so, when it was a fledgling therapy.

Quoting Anonymous: I do have PTSD but no one believes that it's from her passing they all think its from my exdh. I've tried telling them his absue doesn't bother me and have let that go but I can't let her passing go it sucks so bad
Quoting donnag013:

It sounds like you might have PTSD. This is a REAL thing that you need treatment for so that you can move on and be healthy for you and your children

Quoting Anonymous: I wish I could do that but I remember date what day it was and time and how it all happened.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:29 PM
I have talked with several but none of them can understand why it's so hard for me. They know I have PTSD but think its from my exdh and I've told them its not from him that it's from my mom passing and none believe me. Idk if its the fact that they don't believe that I watched her die or what but it pisses me off when they don't want to talk about it they want to talk about the absue my exdh caused me which I have let go and it no longer bothers me.

Quoting Anonymous:

if it is THIS hard after so many years perhaps you should talk to a professional grief counselor.  You need to get a handle on this before your child clues into it.

Quoting Anonymous: I do believe in God and that she is in heaven, I've been trying to look at it as her gift to me to help the pain but it seems to make it harder as I should be happy but all I can do is relive the day of her passing. Ik she had a hand in picking him and making him the way he is as she knew I would fight for answers he has some health issues that doctors couldn't figure out till last year. Ik he has a part of her as he has given me looks and talked about things only I or her would know about. He has even talked about my dad that has also passed and things I did with my dad when I was you g. I pray every year that the pain will get better but so far no luck.

Quoting Anonymous:

sorry.... I dont see why that would bother anyone.  But maybe Im just more of an optimist than pessimist.

A child is a wonderful gift. 

Do you have a faith of any kind?  A belife in something greater?  Why not look at this as a gift FROM YOUR MOTHER.  She, where ever she is, probably knows that that particular day is hard for you and has tried to help ease that pain with a way to celebrate the day.  This child is part of her......... it has 1/4 her dna (in theory).  

Why not look at the good in life instead of focusing on the bad?????  Wouldnt she want that for you?  Dont you think that is a MUCH better way to honor her memory than to have a negative view of your own child's birthday???

Quoting Anonymous: Yes really

Quoting Anonymous: Really????

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this

That is good, that he has a trait of her. So you can see her in him even thou she isn't there physically anymore, but you know she lives within him.

Quoting Anonymous: :) he will be as he is smart when it comes to learning things wish his common sense could be the same but hey I'll take whatever he gives me. He is a sweet heart and is always happy just like she was.
Quoting Anonymous:

Oh goody, a person who thinks the same is hard to find. And yes, I do believe it is possible. He'll be wise beyond his years.

Quoting Anonymous: That's how I try to think of it because if I didn't have him I doubt I would be on here right now. I also believe she picked me as his mother due to his issues and she knew I would fight till I got the right answers. He has given me looks and talked about things only I or her would know.
Quoting Anonymous:

It would be the day of exchange of souls.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 12, 2014 at 10:31 PM
Thank you. I'm gonna call my pcp and see if she can refer me to someone that does this it seems like it might help me big time. Thank you so much for this information.

Quoting donnag013:

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro that emphasizes disturbing memories as the cause of psychopathology[1][2] and alleviates the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EMDR is used for individuals who have experienced severe trauma that remains unresolved.[3]
According to Shapiro, when a traumatic or distressing experience
occurs, it may overwhelm normal cognitive and neurological coping
mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli are inadequately processed
and stored in an isolated memory network.[1]
The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories,
reducing their lingering effects and allowing clients to develop more
adaptive coping mechanisms. This is done in an eight-step protocol that
includes having clients recall distressing images while receiving one of
several types of bilateral sensory input, including side to side eye
movements.[4]
The use of EMDR was originally developed to treat adults suffering from
PTSD; however, it is also used to treat other conditions and children.[5]

Quoting Anonymous: What is that?

Quoting donnag013:

Look into EMDR therapy. You need a counselor who lsitens to you and understands what you are telling them. EMDR can reduce the intensity of memories associated with tragedy. It worked for me, and that was in 1996 or so, when it was a fledgling therapy.

Quoting Anonymous: I do have PTSD but no one believes that it's from her passing they all think its from my exdh. I've tried telling them his absue doesn't bother me and have let that go but I can't let her passing go it sucks so bad

Quoting donnag013:

It sounds like you might have PTSD. This is a REAL thing that you need treatment for so that you can move on and be healthy for you and your children

Quoting Anonymous: I wish I could do that but I remember date what day it was and time and how it all happened.

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