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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Out of control 17 year old.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies

OK. I will admit my wrong doing in this. I had my daughter very young. (16) and honestly. I had no idea how to be a mother. Going into her teen years I got scared, I remembered all the things I was doing at her age that I didn't want her to do . Basically I didn't want her making the same mistakes I made. I became a very controlling mother. I monitored everything she did, She didn't go anywhere without me, I looked in her drawers everything. She turned 17 this year .... And since then she has been giving me absolute hell ! She always obeyed me , Never gave me issue's nothing. Now 17 comes and She has a boyfriend , Comes home at 12 every night , Disobeyed me , Doesn't clean up the house , NOTHING ! She always threatens me "I only have another 6 months til I can leave the home , I getting fed up with you controlling me" ... And that really hurts. I love her I do but now she is pushing me too far ! She came home yesterday with a hickey and I'm furious . I grounded her and she walked out of the house. She has no respect for me and is absolutely disobedient . Any advice? Please help.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:16 AM
She's rebelling because she wants freedom.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:18 AM
You can either ratchet down on discipline or treat her like an adult. She's right, you can't control her anymore. Why don't you sit down and have an adult conversation with her? Put aside your mom-ing and controlling ways for an hour and try to reconnect with her.

Don't get me wrong, her behavior is unacceptable. But maybe she will listen if you give her some space and allow her to be more independent. She's obviously acting out because you were so controlling. There can be a happy medium. Has she given you any reason not to trust her before she started acting out?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:21 AM

No. I never even allowed her to spend a night away from me. I took her to church every sunday and She claims "I never allowed her to have friends " I homeschooled her and she would want to go out and make friends and things but I wasnt going to just allow her to run wild. So now that reality is setting in ... I cant really recall her having friends. 

Quoting Anonymous: You can either ratchet down on discipline or treat her like an adult. She's right, you can't control her anymore. Why don't you sit down and have an adult conversation with her? Put aside your mom-ing and controlling ways for an hour and try to reconnect with her. Don't get me wrong, her behavior is unacceptable. But maybe she will listen if you give her some space and allow her to be more independent. She's obviously acting out because you were so controlling. There can be a happy medium. Has she given you any reason not to trust her before she started acting out?


PPCLC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:22 AM

She's inches closer to being 18, and is fluffing up her wings, ready to fly out of the nest.

Lay down boundaries and because even at 17-years old, she needs them. She'll act like she doesn't but in truth, she does and possibly even more now. 

If she continues to do some of the things she has been, especially the belligerent, disrespectful attitude, you can still take privileges away.

If you want to get really tough, the moment she defies what you tell her and steps outside of the door to leave the house, is the moment that you can consider seeking help from the PD. Not ideal and certainly a last resort, but maybe it will shake her up and they can talk to her. Not have her arrested but have them give her a little insight on what she's doing wrong.

When will she be 18? When will she graduate from high school?

OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Time for you guys to repair that rift in communication. You need to sit her down and have a heart to heart...TELL HER about your mistakes as a girl her age and explain how your experiences have shaped and molded your expectations and fears as a mother to a teen girl.

Then, compromise. I didn't have a curfew after 16 years old...But I had to call my mother every two hours and tell her who I was with and where I was at. She's right that you can't protect her for much longer, so work on teaching her how to protect HERSELF. Encourage her to seek birth control as well.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this

She already graduated. I placed her in homeschool and she did very well and was able to graduate early.

Quoting PPCLC:

She's inches closer to being 18, and is fluffing up her wings, ready to fly out of the nest.

Lay down boundaries and because even at 17-years old, she needs them. She'll act like she doesn't but in truth, she does and possibly even more now. 

If she continues to do some of the things she has been, especially the belligerent, disrespectful attitude, you can still take privileges away.

If you want to get really tough, the moment she defies what you tell her and steps outside of the door to leave the house, is the moment that you can consider seeking help from the PD. Not ideal and certainly a last resort, but maybe it will shake her up and they can talk to her. Not have her arrested but have them give her a little insight on what she's doing wrong.

When will she be 18? When will she graduate from high school?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:28 AM
Mama you've got to let go or your adult child will never want to come back to a house that controlling. No wonder she is trying to rebel. No friends, even? She knows you don't trust her even if she is behaving, so what's the point in her behaving at all?

I enlisted in the army when I was 17. I was trusted to go to war and take care of myself completely.

You MUST give her some space. You're lucky she just started now.

Quoting Anonymous:

No. I never even allowed her to spend a night away from me. I took her to church every sunday and She claims "I never allowed her to have friends " I homeschooled her and she would want to go out and make friends and things but I wasnt going to just allow her to run wild. So now that reality is setting in ... I cant really recall her having friends. 

Quoting Anonymous: You can either ratchet down on discipline or treat her like an adult. She's right, you can't control her anymore. Why don't you sit down and have an adult conversation with her? Put aside your mom-ing and controlling ways for an hour and try to reconnect with her.

Don't get me wrong, her behavior is unacceptable. But maybe she will listen if you give her some space and allow her to be more independent. She's obviously acting out because you were so controlling. There can be a happy medium. Has she given you any reason not to trust her before she started acting out?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:29 AM

My mom was like you and when I turned 18 I did as I wanted. I got married at 19 to get away from her. My advice is to let your dd make her own mistakes. If my mom just let me be things would of been diffrent.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:31 AM
You were a fine mother. It's the age, They they think they know more than you. She may actually leave home, and it may take her awhile to appreciate how you cared and protected her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 10:33 AM
It's so easy to blame your mother for your immaturity. She did her job as a parent.

Quoting Anonymous:

My mom was like you and when I turned 18 I did as I wanted. I got married at 19 to get away from her. My advice is to let your dd make her own mistakes. If my mom just let me be things would of been diffrent.

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