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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

SO Won't Stop Spending...

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POST EDITED TO BE UP TO DATE:

Alright, I mentioned that SO is spending $160 on average every day, which is far above our budget for luxuries.  I didn't want the bank to end up bouncing since both are names are on it and I'm worried about my credit.  We're also both on the car lease, apartment and cell phones.  Already tried to have a conversation with him about how concerned and worried I am about his spending habbits a few days ago and he either walks away or doesn't listen.  Also, I did note that this is a NEW problem.  As in, extremely new, just the last two weeks.  And I said 'on average' for spending earlier, because he was spending less for the first few days which wasn't a red flag to me.  Just thoguht he was trying to impress the guys.  We broke off the engagement around the same time, but are still living together / a couple.  He wants his own place since he's always lived with roomates and feels he's never been able to be an adult on his own, but he isn't moving out till September.

NEW ~

I said I would call the bank and car dealership once they were open today.  I've been too busy with normal Monday chores (one of my days off) to get to the bank, but I did call them and they said to come in because they would need to see if I had to fill out a few things.  The lady on the phone wasn't sure, but she said that I could probably cancel the account without him.  I do have to get him to agree to refinance the car lease.  I cannot pay for the car on top of the other bills if I pay for them all by myself.  I already decided to close the account and split up names on any bills if I can.  BUT I am going to try and reason with him and see if he wants to split the bills with our own accounts.

UPDATE:

He came home about an hour ago while I was typing so I had to get off the computer.  I confronted him, took the car keys and told him we needed to talk or else I'm leaving.  He seemed a bit shocked at how mad I was and agreed to talk for a bit.  I ended up getting him to calmly talk with me about what has been going on, why he's been so evasive and why he's been spending like crazy.  He was more open to talking about the issues than the money, but he understood he was out of line with the spending.  He was trying to get back at me for taking up all his time in May.  I pointed out he never communicated that he wanted to make any other plans, which completely threw him off.  He admitted he didn't, apologized for his behavior and said he'd stop spending so much.  I made a point that he wasn't understanding what I'm trying to say, showed him the bank account and how he'd spent $1000 more than budgeted and he was speachless.  He didn't realize he spent $200 last night and said he was drunk.  I asked if I could have his card for the time being until we could discuss this again (I have things to do today and he already made plans to go to a BBQ tonight and just came home to shower).  So, he can't spend right now which makes me mind a little more at ease and I'll talk to him about getting seperate bank accounts and one for bills as suggested by a few people once he gets back.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:55 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:13 AM
2 moms liked this

There is no "OUR" anymore, he called off the engagement. Pull YOUR money out of the account, get your own bank account that he is incapable of accessing, and serve him with a 30 day eviction notice. I see that you've already refused to do these things that have been suggested in previous replies so I guess you're just screwed lol. You either help yourself or you continue to allow him to use and abuse you, your choice.

BentoMommy
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:17 AM

I already answered back in another post that we're still splitting an account because I can't pay for the car loan on my own, only the other bills.

Quoting luvnmyboi: You're still with him why? You pull your name off the joint account, open your OWN account and MOVE OUT!


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bluebunnybabe
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:17 AM
1 mom liked this
That's a crazy reason to keep a bank account. Someone I know was in the exact same situation as you & said almost the same exact thing & when she finally closed the account, it was about a grand overdrawn & guess who they made pay it? Her. Even though he was the one that wrote the checks, they went after her instead of him. I would close that account immediately & use your paycheck to open a new one so you can pay your bills.

Quoting BentoMommy:

It's my bank account that I've had for years, so I really am not going to do that.  I can't get him taken off unless he's willing either and I'm sure he isn't.

Quoting gabster418: Take your name off the account and get your own.

luvnmyboi
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Honey, you aren't going to be able to pay ANYTHING with him spending the way you describe.

Quoting BentoMommy:

I already answered back in another post that we're still splitting an account because I can't pay for the car loan on my own, only the other bills.

Quoting luvnmyboi: You're still with him why? You pull your name off the joint account, open your OWN account and MOVE OUT!

webgirl8369
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:21 AM

Get your direct deposit changed to your own account and remove your name from the joint account today.

BentoMommy
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:21 AM

True, but I don't know how to get my name off the car loan.  My credit is better than his though, so we needed my name on it to get it in the first place.  He's the one that uses it the most, so I'd call it his responsiblity.  If I take it off automatic payments, I'm sure they'll repo it because he won't pay and then I'm going to have to deal with a whole host of other problems.

Quoting luvnmyboi: Honey, you aren't going to be able to pay ANYTHING with him spending the way you describe.
Quoting BentoMommy:

I already answered back in another post that we're still splitting an account because I can't pay for the car loan on my own, only the other bills.

Quoting luvnmyboi: You're still with him why? You pull your name off the joint account, open your OWN account and MOVE OUT!


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notjstasocermom
by Emerald Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:22 AM
1 mom liked this
So cancel that account and get a new one. And you guys are not together, thats obvious.

Quoting BentoMommy:

We stepped back to just dating because he decided he wasn't ready to get married yet even though he was the one who kept talking about it constantly and wanting another kid.  He's moving on his own in September because he's never actually been on his own and wants to take care of himself for once (always lived with roomates) financially and spend more time working on hobbies.

As of about three days ago, I think he completely lost it.  He's been out of the house 24/7 and my phone keeps beeping every few hours with another $20 he thought it would be a good idea to spend.  I even asked if he could pick me up just a gatorade because I had the flu and was very sick, he said sure, and then never did so and went out to lunch with his best friend instead and it seems he totally forgot about me.

Quoting notjstasocermom: So are you two still together

ilovemykids323
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:23 AM
1 mom liked this

i think i would stop playing house with him honestly... he pretty much broke up with you right??? i didn't read all of this but what i got. someone would be moving and i wouldnt being helping pay bills or share money with him.... he called off the engagement

BentoMommy
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:28 AM

He's not exactly here to 'play house with'.  He says he wants to keep dating, but he wanted till September to move out.  I obviously know at this point we are not dating.  Last week we went on a date and things were fine, but this weekend he's lost it.  If 28 year olds could have a midlife crisis, that's what I'd say he's going through.

If I keep living here, the bills are technically mine to deal with besides the car loan and insurance, as I don't really care about keeping it.  Luckily his name is the only one on the insurance, but I'm the main credit for the car loan and you can't just cancle those things.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

i think i would stop playing house with him honestly... he pretty much broke up with you right??? i didn't read all of this but what i got. someone would be moving and i wouldnt being helping pay bills or share money with him.... he called off the engagement


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luckysevenwow
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:28 AM
2 moms liked this
You know what you have to do. You just do t line the options. Call the car place and see what you need to do to get your name off of it. If it gets repo'd oh well let it be his problem.
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