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SO Won't Stop Spending...

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Alright, I mentioned that SO is spending $160 on average every day, which is far above our budget for luxuries.  I didn't want the bank to end up bouncing since both are names are on it and I'm worried about my credit.  We're also both on the car lease, apartment and cell phones.  Already tried to have a conversation with him about how concerned and worried I am about his spending habbits a few days ago and he either walks away or doesn't listen.  Also, I did note that this is a NEW problem.  As in, extremely new, just the last two weeks.  And I said 'on average' for spending earlier, because he was spending less for the first few days which wasn't a red flag to me.  Just thoguht he was trying to impress the guys.  We broke off the engagement around the same time, but are still living together / a couple.  He wants his own place since he's always lived with roomates and feels he's never been able to be an adult on his own, but he isn't moving out till September.


I said I would call the bank and car dealership once they were open today.  I've been too busy with normal Monday chores (one of my days off) to get to the bank, but I did call them and they said to come in because they would need to see if I had to fill out a few things.  The lady on the phone wasn't sure, but she said that I could probably cancel the account without him.  I do have to get him to agree to refinance the car lease.  I cannot pay for the car on top of the other bills if I pay for them all by myself.  I already decided to close the account and split up names on any bills if I can.  BUT I am going to try and reason with him and see if he wants to split the bills with our own accounts.


He came home about an hour ago while I was typing so I had to get off the computer.  I confronted him, took the car keys and told him we needed to talk or else I'm leaving.  He seemed a bit shocked at how mad I was and agreed to talk for a bit.  I ended up getting him to calmly talk with me about what has been going on, why he's been so evasive and why he's been spending like crazy.  He was more open to talking about the issues than the money, but he understood he was out of line with the spending.  He was trying to get back at me for taking up all his time in May.  I pointed out he never communicated that he wanted to make any other plans, which completely threw him off.  He admitted he didn't, apologized for his behavior and said he'd stop spending so much.  I made a point that he wasn't understanding what I'm trying to say, showed him the bank account and how he'd spent $1000 more than budgeted and he was speachless.  He didn't realize he spent $200 last night and said he was drunk.  I asked if I could have his card for the time being until we could discuss this again (I have things to do today and he already made plans to go to a BBQ tonight and just came home to shower).  So, he can't spend right now which makes me mind a little more at ease and I'll talk to him about getting seperate bank accounts and one for bills as suggested by a few people once he gets back.

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by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:55 AM
Replies (211-214):
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 6:43 AM

That is why my husband and I have separate savings account, so we can spend cash on what we want, when we want to, but we do have a joint checking account for bills and thing like that. 

by Anonymous 29 on Jun. 17, 2014 at 8:26 AM

This is why you don't do joint things unless you're already married, and sometimes even then. He has no reason to do right by you financially if you're just his roommate now. Get on separate accounts ASAP.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 10:04 AM

Show him the account with all the charges. Make sure he is the one making all the charges.. I had my bank card number stolen a couple of times. Had to cancel and get a new one..

by on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:35 PM
I have that problem but its been awhile
I have been trying pretty hard to reign it in. I spend 100-300 a day usually and have gotten itdown to only 2-300 a week.
For me its like antidepressants. I get so sad and lonely with dh always gone and no friends/family close. So now I am joining a gym with daycare($40/mo) amd doing that instead. Hoping to get my total fun spending down to about $500/mo.
we have the money. ..but I still dont like doing it and realize its a problem
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