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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

SO Won't Stop Spending...

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POST EDITED TO BE UP TO DATE:

Alright, I mentioned that SO is spending $160 on average every day, which is far above our budget for luxuries.  I didn't want the bank to end up bouncing since both are names are on it and I'm worried about my credit.  We're also both on the car lease, apartment and cell phones.  Already tried to have a conversation with him about how concerned and worried I am about his spending habbits a few days ago and he either walks away or doesn't listen.  Also, I did note that this is a NEW problem.  As in, extremely new, just the last two weeks.  And I said 'on average' for spending earlier, because he was spending less for the first few days which wasn't a red flag to me.  Just thoguht he was trying to impress the guys.  We broke off the engagement around the same time, but are still living together / a couple.  He wants his own place since he's always lived with roomates and feels he's never been able to be an adult on his own, but he isn't moving out till September.

NEW ~

I said I would call the bank and car dealership once they were open today.  I've been too busy with normal Monday chores (one of my days off) to get to the bank, but I did call them and they said to come in because they would need to see if I had to fill out a few things.  The lady on the phone wasn't sure, but she said that I could probably cancel the account without him.  I do have to get him to agree to refinance the car lease.  I cannot pay for the car on top of the other bills if I pay for them all by myself.  I already decided to close the account and split up names on any bills if I can.  BUT I am going to try and reason with him and see if he wants to split the bills with our own accounts.

UPDATE:

He came home about an hour ago while I was typing so I had to get off the computer.  I confronted him, took the car keys and told him we needed to talk or else I'm leaving.  He seemed a bit shocked at how mad I was and agreed to talk for a bit.  I ended up getting him to calmly talk with me about what has been going on, why he's been so evasive and why he's been spending like crazy.  He was more open to talking about the issues than the money, but he understood he was out of line with the spending.  He was trying to get back at me for taking up all his time in May.  I pointed out he never communicated that he wanted to make any other plans, which completely threw him off.  He admitted he didn't, apologized for his behavior and said he'd stop spending so much.  I made a point that he wasn't understanding what I'm trying to say, showed him the bank account and how he'd spent $1000 more than budgeted and he was speachless.  He didn't realize he spent $200 last night and said he was drunk.  I asked if I could have his card for the time being until we could discuss this again (I have things to do today and he already made plans to go to a BBQ tonight and just came home to shower).  So, he can't spend right now which makes me mind a little more at ease and I'll talk to him about getting seperate bank accounts and one for bills as suggested by a few people once he gets back.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:55 AM
Replies (31-40):
BentoMommy
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Won't it being repod hurt my credit since he's only the co-signer?

Quoting luckysevenwow: You know what you have to do. You just do t line the options. Call the car place and see what you need to do to get your name off of it. If it gets repo'd oh well let it be his problem.


Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:32 AM
Clearly you need to call the finance company and see what options you have available to you. Then you need to way your odds, that one thing on your credit or that and possibly more because of his actions.

Quoting BentoMommy:

Won't it being repod hurt my credit since he's only the co-signer?

Quoting luckysevenwow: You know what you have to do. You just do t line the options. Call the car place and see what you need to do to get your name off of it. If it gets repo'd oh well let it be his problem.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:32 AM
Why does it matter whose account it was first?

Quoting BentoMommy:

It's my bank account that I've had for years, so I really am not going to do that.  I can't get him taken off unless he's willing either and I'm sure he isn't.

Quoting gabster418: Take your name off the account and get your own.

jacsmama022
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this
Get your name off the account. Sounds like you just need to leave him altogether though.
An0nym0use
by Rock Lobster on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:45 AM
Everyone's giving you great advice. You're refusing to take it. The relationship is over. You want to save yourself from the mess he's getting you into? Cut your losses NOW, not in September when he *may* leave. Who cares whose apartment it was first or whose account it was first?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:48 AM
You need to get a brand new account and take your name off if the current one. Even if you've had it forever. Get a fresh start and don't tie yourself to this potential mess. Put you check in YOUR account and start finding somewhere else to move to. If you can't move right away fine, but get a new account. You're going to screw yourself otherwise.
spunky946
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:50 AM
Get your own new account, call the car finance company and kick his ass out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:51 AM

Sounds like he's on his way out and he's living with you out of convenience, Worry less about how he spends his money and more about what you are going to do when this relationship that's on life support ends. And fyi he's trolling for women.

MommyAddie
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:52 AM
He called off your engagement? Separate your finances and live like roommates until someone moves out. It's the only way to not go down on a sinking ship. Otherwise, he'll keep overspending and your money will be gone, as well.
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KikiKia
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:52 AM

You sound like you are being too "nice" to him.  He said he's moving out in September? Why does he deserve this consideration?  He is being super inconsiderate of you...yet you are being kind enough to listen and honor his requests?

This makes no sense.  He asks to stay...you say OK.  You ask him not to spend money...he says NO.

This is super unbalanced.

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