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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

SO Won't Stop Spending...

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POST EDITED TO BE UP TO DATE:

Alright, I mentioned that SO is spending $160 on average every day, which is far above our budget for luxuries.  I didn't want the bank to end up bouncing since both are names are on it and I'm worried about my credit.  We're also both on the car lease, apartment and cell phones.  Already tried to have a conversation with him about how concerned and worried I am about his spending habbits a few days ago and he either walks away or doesn't listen.  Also, I did note that this is a NEW problem.  As in, extremely new, just the last two weeks.  And I said 'on average' for spending earlier, because he was spending less for the first few days which wasn't a red flag to me.  Just thoguht he was trying to impress the guys.  We broke off the engagement around the same time, but are still living together / a couple.  He wants his own place since he's always lived with roomates and feels he's never been able to be an adult on his own, but he isn't moving out till September.

NEW ~

I said I would call the bank and car dealership once they were open today.  I've been too busy with normal Monday chores (one of my days off) to get to the bank, but I did call them and they said to come in because they would need to see if I had to fill out a few things.  The lady on the phone wasn't sure, but she said that I could probably cancel the account without him.  I do have to get him to agree to refinance the car lease.  I cannot pay for the car on top of the other bills if I pay for them all by myself.  I already decided to close the account and split up names on any bills if I can.  BUT I am going to try and reason with him and see if he wants to split the bills with our own accounts.

UPDATE:

He came home about an hour ago while I was typing so I had to get off the computer.  I confronted him, took the car keys and told him we needed to talk or else I'm leaving.  He seemed a bit shocked at how mad I was and agreed to talk for a bit.  I ended up getting him to calmly talk with me about what has been going on, why he's been so evasive and why he's been spending like crazy.  He was more open to talking about the issues than the money, but he understood he was out of line with the spending.  He was trying to get back at me for taking up all his time in May.  I pointed out he never communicated that he wanted to make any other plans, which completely threw him off.  He admitted he didn't, apologized for his behavior and said he'd stop spending so much.  I made a point that he wasn't understanding what I'm trying to say, showed him the bank account and how he'd spent $1000 more than budgeted and he was speachless.  He didn't realize he spent $200 last night and said he was drunk.  I asked if I could have his card for the time being until we could discuss this again (I have things to do today and he already made plans to go to a BBQ tonight and just came home to shower).  So, he can't spend right now which makes me mind a little more at ease and I'll talk to him about getting seperate bank accounts and one for bills as suggested by a few people once he gets back.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:55 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:54 AM
All the more reason to stay single for the rest of your life, imo.
liquidtinkerbel
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:55 AM

 You know your options. You know what has to be done. You don't want to. Choice is yours.

chopped headTeam Zombie! (former sn elrikandisis)

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:56 AM

He didn't step back to dating you. He's done with you, but doesn't have another place to live. So he psuedo stays with you spending as little time as possible with you while he goes out with his friends attempting to pick up other women.

Quoting BentoMommy:

We stepped back to just dating because he decided he wasn't ready to get married yet even though he was the one who kept talking about it constantly and wanting another kid.  He's moving on his own in September because he's never actually been on his own and wants to take care of himself for once (always lived with roomates) financially and spend more time working on hobbies.

As of about three days ago, I think he completely lost it.  He's been out of the house 24/7 and my phone keeps beeping every few hours with another $20 he thought it would be a good idea to spend.  I even asked if he could pick me up just a gatorade because I had the flu and was very sick, he said sure, and then never did so and went out to lunch with his best friend instead and it seems he totally forgot about me.

Quoting notjstasocermom: So are you two still together


BentoMommy
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:03 AM
I know he's not dating other people. Almost all our friends are mutual and would have said something. That and I know how many hours he works and where he is by his Facebook posts. He's just wasted over at a friends watching TV. Said friend doesn't date, just nerds out. The issue I'm having is the money part of the relationship.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like he's on his way out and he's living with you out of convenience, Worry less about how he spends his money and more about what you are going to do when this relationship that's on life support ends. And fyi he's trolling for women.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:04 AM

You'd have to be an idiot to put your paycheck into that account. If you don't get out now you are really going to get hit with smething that's going to follow you for a long time. Close all accounts with him on it. If he's stupid enough to ask why point to fact of his spending and the fact that you are no longer together. As far as the car goes, if you are both on it, either try to take it back to the dealer, have him refinance it, or just cut your losses knowing you ar emost likely going to have a repo on your credit. And in the future don't co sign for a boyfriend ever again. Lessn learned.

LadyIQ
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:04 AM

Obviously he is done with you, but you are still hanging on. Until you are ready to make a clean break of it, he is going to continue taking advantage. Good luck.

dommad2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:05 AM
Immediately

Quoting gabster418: Take your name off the account and get your own.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:06 AM


Well good luck with that. He may not be currently dating someone, but I'm telling you he's trying to.

There IS no relationship...not at least to him. Essentially you are financially tied to and ex and a roommate now. So either cut the ties, or let him spend you to the ground.

Quoting BentoMommy: I know he's not dating other people. Almost all our friends are mutual and would have said something. That and I know how many hours he works and where he is by his Facebook posts. He's just wasted over at a friends watching TV. Said friend doesn't date, just nerds out. The issue I'm having is the money part of the relationship.
Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like he's on his way out and he's living with you out of convenience, Worry less about how he spends his money and more about what you are going to do when this relationship that's on life support ends. And fyi he's trolling for women.


BentoMommy
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this
We came to this agreement because that's when the lease is up and he makes more money than me. It was supposed to be so I could build up some savings and work on getting some of my own things. (TV, computer, Xbox, etc. are his). We only agreed to this two weeks ago. Clearly it's not working, so I'm working on a plan B.

Quoting KikiKia:

You sound like you are being too "nice" to him.  He said he's moving out in September? Why does he deserve this consideration?  He is being super inconsiderate of you...yet you are being kind enough to listen and honor his requests?

This makes no sense.  He asks to stay...you say OK.  You ask him not to spend money...he says NO.

This is super unbalanced.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

Um...if my fiance called off the engagement, I'd be moving out. ASAP!

I sure as hell wouldnt be sharing finances!  Especially if he wants to act irresponsibly.

Just move on and take care of your own finances and let him take care of his.

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