Looks like we won't make it Need advice please! (Long) UPDATE
I ended up asking him to leave Saturday night after more fighting and putting hands on each other. Now I miss him and can't stop crying. I know I did what is best for me and my children. He says he is moving to Florida to live with his mom so I will have the kids alone. I don't have much money and don't know what to do from here. I feel like I am dying. This hurts. This really hurts.
My 1 year weding annivesary is in 4 days and I fel like I don't want to be married anymore.
The past 3 months have been hell. All because of my mouth.
When DH and I met I was very young. I was his first; he wasn't mine. I was emotionally abused as a child aand as a teenager. So much so I made up a facade. A me that could not get emotionally hurt; a me that lied all the time.
Fast forward to college. I met my DH and it was love at first sight. Like a movie.
But I could not handle it.
Everry time something good happened in the relationship I would say or so something to mess up. I made comments about sex I had with others, even though the sex I had with them was crap and I was abused I made them seem like boyfriends. I looked at DH as perfect and me as used trash. So I felt I had to say untrue things about other people to make us "even". I even insulted his anatomy.
So fastfoward again 14 years later. DH knows that I have been scarred (my grandmother caused most of it by telling me that I was good for nothing but laying on my back) and knows why I said the things I said
Yet he cannot get past the penis size thing. He is convinced that the two people I slept with before him were bigger and they did things to me he cannot (which is a lie). In a wa I understand how he feels because I should neever have said the things I said.
Lately the arguments have been getting worse. All he does is tell me how I should have married the bigger penis and how I am good for nothing and my grandmother was right. He tells me how he is going to find someone that will tell him how big his penis is so he can believe them, and how he wishes my chronic migraines will kill me. Ever day I am a bitch and he wishes he never got married. He refuses to leave and vows to "make me suffer". I don't know what to do. I work from home and he smashed my keyboard and PC screen over it.