I know that sounds terrible, but it's not really as bad as it sounds. 39 years ago I was hit by a car while I was walking. I don't remember the accident. I only remember it being completely black and I was very, very cold and terribly afraid. Then little points of light started to surround me. They weren't bright, but bright like stars on a desert night. The more stars that showed up the warmer and more comforted I felt. Eventually I felt complete and total joy and peace. It was a wonderful place and I didn't consider wanting to leave that place. Three days later I woke up in a German hospital. My left leg had been dislocated and rammed up through my pelvis, shattering it. I didn't know it but I had had a stroke and was paralyzed on my left side.
I was blessed enough to recover remarkably well. I walk with a limp and my left side is very weak and I still have seizures. But it is a struggle each day. I love my life and family. But that blissful place calls to me. I am NOT suicidal. I would never make it happen. But I dont think I will fight very hard when the time comes.