Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Really annoyed with my daughter's plan to have alcohol at her wedding :( causing a fight

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My daughter is marrying her long time boyfriend next March. She's in the middle of lots of planning right now. Last week, she told us that they're having the reception at a vineyard. It will be open bar, with bottles of wine on the table and free drinks of all kinds, and their souvenir gifts for guests will be a bottle of wine from the vineyard.

My husband, her dad, is a recovering alcohol who has had trouble maintaining sobriety, who has been in and out of rehab before and who struggles every day to stay sober for his family. She knows this, she grew up with this. They've had fights about it for years and were rocky, but I thought they were fine now. When she was telling us the plan for what shed booked, my dh didn't say anything, but looked uncomfortable.

Later on, I brought it up to her without my hubs being there. She said she liked the atmosphere of it, and that there was no question she wasn't going to have alcohol there because "one person is a drunk who can't control himself". I got upset when she said that and she said "if he's all better now, he should be fine around drinking for one night".

It's been strained the last week. She hasn't called me as much as she usually does, and she hasn't mentioned her wedding planning at all. I brought it up again on the phone and she said "mom, I'm not changing the venue, please don't talk to me about this again".

Do any of you mamas have any advice? My husband has been sober for 8 months again, and we try to avoid alcohol centred events and places with lots of alcohol at all costs- he doesn't feel comfortable with this at all. Help, anyone?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:07 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
8 moms liked this
Not trying insensitive, but I don't think her wedding needs to be dry because of someone else's alcohol problem. You should back off. Booze is readily available everywhere. If he's going to relapse, it's going to happen. The wedding being dry won't stop him.
mybumblebe
by Gold Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this
This. That or find a way to deal because there is alcohol everywhere life keeps living around alcoholics

Quoting KendallsMommee: She shouldn't have to arrange her wedding around his demons.

If he's that weak, I suggest he stays home.
Texor
by Platinum Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
15 moms liked this

Among the things your husband SHOULD have learned in recovery is that he can only control HIS behavior. 

One is not truly sober until they get that. 

69liliem10
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
13 moms liked this
Her father's alcoholism is not her responsibility. It's his.

Plus, it's not just her wedding, her fiancé has a say in what goes on as well.
Libby22
by Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
This

Quoting KendallsMommee: She shouldn't have to arrange her wedding around his demons.

If he's that weak, I suggest he stays home.
Steph84FL
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
21 moms liked this
Attend the wedding and leave before the reception. They don't plan on walking down the aisle with bottles in their hands do they

Quoting Anonymous: My daughter is marrying her long time boyfriend next March. She's in the middle of lots of planning right now. Last week, she told us that they're having the reception at a vineyard. It will be open bar, with bottles of wine on the table and free drinks of all kinds, and their souvenir gifts for guests will be a bottle of wine from the vineyard.

My husband, her dad, is a recovering alcohol who has had trouble maintaining sobriety, who has been in and out of rehab before and who struggles every day to stay sober for his family. She knows this, she grew up with this. They've had fights about it for years and were rocky, but I thought they were fine now. When she was telling us the plan for what shed booked, my dh didn't say anything, but looked uncomfortable.

Later on, I brought it up to her without my hubs being there. She said she liked the atmosphere of it, and that there was no question she wasn't going to have alcohol there because "one person is a drunk who can't control himself". I got upset when she said that and she said "if he's all better now, he should be fine around drinking for one night".

It's been strained the last week. She hasn't called me as much as she usually does, and she hasn't mentioned her wedding planning at all. I brought it up again on the phone and she said "mom, I'm not changing the venue, please don't talk to me about this again".

Do any of you mamas have any advice? My husband has been sober for 8 months again, and we try to avoid alcohol centred events and places with lots of alcohol at all costs- he doesn't feel comfortable with this at all. Help, anyone?
HaYouFail
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this

His lack of self-control is no ones problem but his own. 

Who is paying for the wedding?  If she is paying for it, nothing you can do. Tell your husband to seek psychological help and have him go to a lot of meetings/appts leading up to the wedding. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:13 AM
1 mom liked this
She's right.
Leissaintexas
by Platinum Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:14 AM
5 moms liked this
If it were my wedding, it would be entirely alchohhl free, out if respect for my father. But on the other hand, if I were the recovering father, I'd do whatever it takes to be there for my child, regardless of my own struggles. OK, that was no help at all. Sorry.
mlg1989
by ZombieMegg on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:14 AM
8 moms liked this
Everyone can't tiptoe around his addiction, he needs to take responsibility and have self control. Alcohol will always be around, he needs to learn to tolerate it from others and not to get a drink for himself. He's an adult, he knows how to stop himself if he's been sober almost a year.

It's HER wedding, she should have her dream day where and how she wants. Period.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)