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Really annoyed with my daughter's plan to have alcohol at her wedding :( causing a fight

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My daughter is marrying her long time boyfriend next March. She's in the middle of lots of planning right now. Last week, she told us that they're having the reception at a vineyard. It will be open bar, with bottles of wine on the table and free drinks of all kinds, and their souvenir gifts for guests will be a bottle of wine from the vineyard.

My husband, her dad, is a recovering alcohol who has had trouble maintaining sobriety, who has been in and out of rehab before and who struggles every day to stay sober for his family. She knows this, she grew up with this. They've had fights about it for years and were rocky over the fact that he wasn't the best father he could have been with his drinking, but I thought they were fine now. When she was telling us the plan for what shed booked, my dh didn't say anything, but looked uncomfortable.

Later on, I brought it up to her without my hubs being there. She said she liked the atmosphere of it, and that there was no question she wasn't going to have alcohol there because "one person is a drunk who can't control himself". I got upset when she said that and she said "if he's all better now, he should be fine around drinking for one night".

It's been strained the last week. She hasn't called me as much as she usually does, and she hasn't mentioned her wedding planning at all. I brought it up again on the phone and she said "mom, I'm not changing the venue, please don't talk to me about this again".

Do any of you mamas have any advice? My husband has been sober for 8 months again, and we try to avoid alcohol centred events and places with lots of alcohol at all costs- he doesn't feel comfortable with this at all. Help, anyone?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:07 AM
Replies (31-40):
by Anonymous 11 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:14 AM
3 moms liked this
Isn't party of recovery to change yourself and not the rest of the world? He needs to control himself, not be in a controlled environment.
by Jennifer on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:14 AM

It's her wedding and it's her choice. She's right about not having to cater to a drunk that won't control himself.

by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:15 AM

Quoting KendallsMommee: She shouldn't have to arrange her wedding around his demons.

If he's that weak, I suggest he stays home.
by Anonymous 12 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:15 AM
It's not her fault you married a loser
by Anonymous 13 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Thats a tough one. I can understand your concern. It does seem selfish of her but at the same time it is her day. You have already had yours. Would you have skipped having a wedding cake if someone there was a diabetic with major food issues? Probably not.

It would probably be best for you guys to go to the wedding but skip tg e reception. If you want to do something special with her before or after then plan something.
by Anonymous 14 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:15 AM
Don't attend the reception then.
by Anonymous 15 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:16 AM
2 moms liked this
It is her wedding....but I could not imagine treating my dad like that :(

If he's really uncomfortable then maybe go for the ceremony and the beginning of the reception? It sucks but if that's what she's choosing then for the sake of his health that may be what you need to do.
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:16 AM

Who is paying for this wedding? I have an idea from what you've described that she's paying for it. If so then I'm sorry momma, she has the right to have her wedding go as she plans it. 

She was a little cruel in her wording, but she's right. Why should she have to change what she wants based on someone else's demands? And, why do you think you have the right to make demands at her wedding? The day and event is focused on her. You are a guest and therefore do not get a say in the planning.....unless you're paying for it.  

by Platinum Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:16 AM
2 moms liked this
Can he attend the wedding, but not the reception?
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by Challenger 💗 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 12:16 AM
She has every right to do that.
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