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My daughter hates my son, and I'm loosing my grandbabies because of it. I'm at a loss.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 340 Replies
1 mom liked this
This is long, but the background is necessary, so please forgive me.

When my son was 21 he became addicted to heroin. It was an awful time for all of us, and my older daughter was 23. None of us even recognized him on this drug. He lied, cheated, stole and said horrible things. He was addicted for 10 months before we got him into rehab and he stayed sober for 2 years. When he was 23, he met his future ex wife, and they got married had a son. His son passed away at 3 weeks old due to SIDS. This sent him off the rails and he started using heroin and drinking heavily. His wife kicked him out and it was a horrible situation.

One night, he went to my daughters house was high. He asked her to stay the night and she said no. He punched her in the face and hit her and stole money, jewelry and her purse while she was on the ground. She called the police and he was arrested right away. My husband and I were unable to afford bail, so he stayed in jail until he was sentenced to 3 years in prison.

He just got out after 2 years in prison and a year in a drug program. He's truly seemed to have embraced it and excited to make positive changes. He apologized to his ex wife and she accepted and they are cordial now. He's apologized to old friends and most accepted and have made plans to hang out with him, help him find work or just be there for him.

He sent an email to my daughter because she refused to talk to him. He apologized profusely and said he was a different person, would love to make amends and would love to have a sister back. She replied:

"You have been nothing but a problem to me. You broke my nose, you stole from me and you betrayed our family. When you die, it will be a huge relief, knowing you can't do anything else to terrorize us. Until then, I'm happy to pretend you're dead. Stay away from me and my family".

My son is staying here. Her and I got into a screaming fight about her email to him. She basically ended saying she's not changing her mind, and that I won't be seeing my grand kids until he's gone. Usually she drops them off a few times a week, and I can't drive, but she's not willing to let her kids be here when he is.

I'm heartbroken and at a loss. I had huge, high hopes we could work on healing now that he's out of prison. I know it's not right, but I even struggled with blaming her for sending him to prison, and I've moved past that. Can anyone, anyone, please help with advice? Thank you so much.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Ruby Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:28 PM
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Truthfully, I don't blame her. I wouldn't allow my kids around him either.
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by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:29 PM
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You know what needs to be done. You have a choice to make.
by Ruby Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:29 PM
9 moms liked this

Wow, what a mess.

Can he move out into his own place anytime soon?  She is justified in her feelings and in her protectiveness toward her children and it will be awhile before she believes he has changed and before she will want to be anywhere near him. 

by Glitter Trauma on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:29 PM
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I'm with your daughter on this.
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:30 PM
73 moms liked this

Typical.  The problem child gets all the support and the responsible child gets blamed.  I don't blame your dd one bit.  Advice - stay out of their relationship and see if you can find a way to get to her house for visits assuming she forgives you for your part in the rift.

by Meanie Pants on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:30 PM
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He beat her up and stole from her. If I was her I'd feel the same way.
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:30 PM
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I'm siding with her. Sorry, but no way in hell I would let my kids be around a violent drug abuser. While he might be sober know, there is never a guarantee that he'll remain that way.

by Zarah on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:31 PM
He just got out. What if he slips backs into his old ways again? Addiction is rough and I wouldn't want my children around that either.
by Platinum Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:32 PM
8 moms liked this
Nope. My kids wouldn't be there either. Their safty comes before anyone's feelings.

I don't blame you for helping your son. He is your child but just like you are putting him first, she is putting hers first.
by on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this
To be honest; if i was her I'd still not want my fresh out of jail brother who's done something horrible to me be around my children.
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