I want to know if this member is going to actually take the advice or continue on the path she is on....
Quoting Bleusockmonkey: Ok, so I appreciate your answers. Thank you.
Her complaining could be her way of saying, "hey, I'm feeling ignored!" Kwim?
Is she socially awkward as in, doesn't actually know how to socialize? Or is she just not one to talk? Is she shy? Or just likes to be alone?
Hygiene could be due to depression, just a thought.
My 7 year old is over sensitive, I know how you feel. My solution for this, was mommy/daughter dates, and daddy/daughter dates. It actually helped, turned out she felt left out because she wasn't getting as much mommy/daddy alone time.
Maybe you should start making sure your husband keeps a good relationship with his children or tries too?
Also, I highly recommend starting mommy/child dates and daddy/child dates, it's helpful in big families, and blended families, because then everyone gets some time with mommy & daddy, Kwim?
I understand what you're saying, but, I think your SD feels left out, by her mom, she sees how you are with your girls and is jealous. Honestly, I don't think she feels negatively towards you, I think she wants the relationship you have with your girls with her mom or you.
I'm speaking from my own personal experience, my mom always treated me as the outsider, I was, still am socially awkward. I complained about everything, because it got me attention, although negative, it was still attention. The hygiene could be that she just doesn't see a point, because she is depressed, or since it is a problem with all of them, it could also be that maybe her mom didn't teach her the importance of it?
I understand the situation is hard, I also understand you don't want to reward her, but, do you think that maybe offering to have a girls day, just you and her, would be helpful? What about talking to your husband, do you think he would be willing to have a daddy/daughter day?
What's happening, and I'm almost positive on this, is she felt left out and unloved, and so she had sex thinking that would help her feelings, then she got pregnant, saw the attention she got, yes, negative, but, again attention nonetheless, and decided she was going to keep the baby, because she is getting attention. Honestly, I think if you and her dad try to give her attention, and include her in anything she can be included in, go shopping with her, talk to her about anything, open up and show her you're willing if she is. And you just might see a completely different person.
I'm not saying you were alone in this, because you weren't it takes 2 to make things an issue, but, it's worth a try to fix it. Ya know?
Also, maybe on one of your mommy/daughter dates you could explain, in a loving, non-condescending way, that she is 13, she has her whole life ahead of her, she can have babies later on down the road, and really explain why adoption is a great idea? But, don't do this on the first "date" because then she will just think that, that is your motive and she will clam up. You want to ease into this. Kwim? Don't discuss your disappointment in her, don't discuss the other kids, just focus on her, ask her what she wants to do when she grows up? Ask her how she is feeling? Ask her questions about her. Make her the focus. Turn the negative attention to positive, make her feel like she does, in fact, have a place in your family. Etc. and you just might find that all she wanted was to fit in, to feel wanted, to feel like she does belong. Ya know?