I don't know if it's normal or not how I feel.
My attacker was never supposed to love me, he never promised to. My husband did.
My attacker was never supposed to be trustworthy or be my rock. My husband was.
My attacker didn't father my children. My husband did.
My attacker didn't promise me to be all mine. My husband did.
My feelings over the rape are still sometimes sharp, and cause me emotional vulnerability.
But to be completely honest, that sick feeling I had in my stomach when I found out about my dh was worse.
Bash me if you must, but I'm just being honest.