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My 2 year old is out of control... Need advice

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
My son will be 3 years old in 5 months, and ever since his little brother was born 4 months ago he has been acting out.

Let me say before his brother was born he was well mannered, level headed, and sweet. When we went out I always got compliments on how polite and well mannered he was. It was nice to feel you are doing something right..

Lately he has become a nightmare. He wakes up his brother one purpose, every snack or food we give him gets ground up and sprinkled around my house.. He spits his drinks out at least once at day all over and plays in the liquid. Plays with poop, He talks back, complains constantly, hits, throws toys at our heads, kicks and screams.
Everything is a battle with him, even taking him grocery shopping is miserable. He treats both of us like crap and I'm starting to really dislike this new attitude. We have no idea how to fix it, we do time outs and always follow through. Occasionally he is sent to his room or spanked depending on the seriousness. Nothing is working and dh and I are at a loss, and our marriage is suffering.

Now he doesnt get as much of our attention as our newest is very colicky and he takes a lot of my time, but I take him to have playdates with a few other boys his age a few times a week, he gets out of house and we do plenty of activities...

I dont want his attitude to progress until it reaches a point that we cant make a difference.. Helpful advice please
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:33 AM
Give baby to dad and take him out for the day.

You keep baby and let dad take him out for the day.

He is begging for your attention. He has decided that even negative attention will do.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:35 AM

It's normal for some regretion at that age, when you take him out do you leave the baby behind? It's crucial he still has mommy and me time, or daddy time seperately. He can also be included in big boy jobs such as feeding baby, buying baby something special.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:39 AM
He does when able, but works quite a bit which doesnt help.
Quoting happymommy1105: Give baby to dad and take him out for the day.

You keep baby and let dad take him out for the day.

He is begging for your attention. He has decided that even negative attention will do.
WickedOpal
by Ruby Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:40 AM

Take some one on one time with him somewhere.  It doesn't matter where or with which parent. 

Always and I mean ALWAYS provide positive feedback when he is being a good/great big brother.  That will help to make him feel involved. 

Stop giving him attention for his bad behavior sometimes.  Not ALL of the time, but sometimes- let it slide.  I know that sounds counter-productive, but if you are used to following his every move, let some of it slide for now.  Not anything major, of course, but smaller things that are not detrimental to his safety.  Of course, don't ignore his needs, but maybe let go of little things that used to irritate you, but aren't harmful to him. 

Show him love when he does helpful things for you or his sibling.  Does he try to get a cloth so you don't get baby vomit on your shirt?  Give him lots of praise for that, even if you have to ask him to do it.  Things like that will calm him and help him to foster his helpful side and make him feel connected to you and the baby.

GL.  New babies are exhausting. 

Kaaden
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:43 AM
I think he will get better when the colic passes too. Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:45 AM
Thats where it's somewhat challenging. Dh takes our 2 year old grocery shopping alone occasionally and to the park, but that's about it. I don't get to take him places without the baby because I'm breastfeeding and cant pump very much. Even when I do have a few ounces stored in the freezer dh hates taking the baby because he is extra moody for him. If ever he holds him, he has to walk back and forth through the house or he screams.


Quoting Anonymous:

It's normal for some regretion at that age, when you take him out do you leave the baby behind? It's crucial he still has mommy and me time, or daddy time seperately. He can also be included in big boy jobs such as feeding baby, buying baby something special.

petie1104
by Gold Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:51 AM
Start instituting logical consequences. Yes, he is adjusting to baby in the house, still, it may help.

Basically..

You put crumbs on the floor, you help clean the mess, (at 2 an attempts at helping is enough).

You play with poop you help clean.

You make a mess with food, while roaming the house, you sit at the table.

Spitting drink out, give him a rag to clean it up and he has to sit at the table the rest of the day when he drinks.

Any aggression means isolation for a period of time until he is ready to play nice.

Etc etc.

Also, speak in do's not don'ts. So instead of "no throwing toys", its, "toys stay on the floor"

Along with this, give him loud, big movement time each day. A time where he can run and scream. Lots of cuddles and a set schedule. Schedules are consistent and relaxing, when his life seems out of control right now. So, make rituals, wake up ritual, bedtime ritual, etc.

This way he can connect the consequence to a specific behavior.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:55 AM
He is very exhausting. Our 2 year old was actually a very calm, easy baby. Rarely cried, didn't mind being set down here and there, and was overall always happy. Our newest is happy, but always seems agitated and gets set off very easily. He cries constantly, needs to be held 24/7 and always has to be walked, or held in a specific way. He is also teething the first bottom tooth which isnt helping the fussiness. Dh has a short amount of patience so I always end up on baby duty, and our oldest doesnt get as much one on one from me, because when I'm not calming the baby I'm nursing.

Its frusterating.. I hate seeing him act out when I know he is such a sweet boy and used to cuddle me to pieces and loved giving kisses.







Quoting WickedOpal:

Take some one on one time with him somewhere.  It doesn't matter where or with which parent. 

Always and I mean ALWAYS provide positive feedback when he is being a good/great big brother.  That will help to make him feel involved. 

Stop giving him attention for his bad behavior sometimes.  Not ALL of the time, but sometimes- let it slide.  I know that sounds counter-productive, but if you are used to following his every move, let some of it slide for now.  Not anything major, of course, but smaller things that are not detrimental to his safety.  Of course, don't ignore his needs, but maybe let go of little things that used to irritate you, but aren't harmful to him. 

Show him love when he does helpful things for you or his sibling.  Does he try to get a cloth so you don't get baby vomit on your shirt?  Give him lots of praise for that, even if you have to ask him to do it.  Things like that will calm him and help him to foster his helpful side and make him feel connected to you and the baby.

GL.  New babies are exhausting. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:58 AM
Very helpful, thank you! Going to write these down, and go over with dh.

Quoting petie1104: Start instituting logical consequences. Yes, he is adjusting to baby in the house, still, it may help.

Basically..

You put crumbs on the floor, you help clean the mess, (at 2 an attempts at helping is enough).

You play with poop you help clean.

You make a mess with food, while roaming the house, you sit at the table.

Spitting drink out, give him a rag to clean it up and he has to sit at the table the rest of the day when he drinks.

Any aggression means isolation for a period of time until he is ready to play nice.

Etc etc.

Also, speak in do's not don'ts. So instead of "no throwing toys", its, "toys stay on the floor"

Along with this, give him loud, big movement time each day. A time where he can run and scream. Lots of cuddles and a set schedule. Schedules are consistent and relaxing, when his life seems out of control right now. So, make rituals, wake up ritual, bedtime ritual, etc.

This way he can connect the consequence to a specific behavior.
sarahfaith123
by Gold Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:58 AM
He's just adjusting to the new baby. I would not spank him, that's my opinion.

I would give him some extra attention & take it day by day. It's completely normal for them to act out when there's a major change.
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