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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

what to do. possible abuse

Posted by on Jul. 3, 2014 at 1:34 PM
  • 11 Replies
Ok so I have a friend. Kinda a new friendship, but we get along really well. Well she has a guy she is sorta seeing.

Every since I and my SO came into the picture (for lack of a better term), this guy has done nothing but bad mouth us to get. Saying shit like we don't want a friendship with her, we want her. My SO is only around to because he wants to fuck her, so do I and other bull shit things. From what she had said he did this with her best friend also.

The way she talks about him and the messages she had read of to me scream abuser. He is manipulative and mind fucks her while breaking her down emotionally. He will be a complete as hole to her and then turn it around to make it her fault. She ends up apologizing for him being an controlling ass! Others in her life have (without realizing it) told her the same thing. This guy is looking her up for abuse that will sooner or later turn physical.

She almost left him yesterday, until he came over (I so wanted to go out there and tell him off). Now she is giving him another chance and wants me to support her in doing so. I told her I could NOT support him. Part of me wants to say fuck this and just walk away. But I really want this friendship to work and I also don't want to leave her and her two children in the clutches of a guy like this.
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by on Jul. 3, 2014 at 1:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GreenEyePixie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 6:06 PM
Bump
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1likeme
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 6:12 PM
I understand why you want to continue your friendship. I would too but at the same time I would confront her on the abuse she is exposing her children to. She might not end it for herself but if she realizes just how terrible this is for her children to witness and live with she might. After that I would tell her to call me if she needed anything but I would not under any circumstances interract with her boyfriend.
GreenEyePixie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 6:48 PM
Luckily he is not around often so the kids are not exposed. He is trying to be there more, while still stringing her along (always has an excuse for breaking plans). I have told her while I am still there for her and want a friendship with her, I cant and wont support this guy. I did tell her that i thought he was abusive and it would get worse.


Though i sincerely hope i am wrong.


Quoting 1likeme: I understand why you want to continue your friendship. I would too but at the same time I would confront her on the abuse she is exposing her children to. She might not end it for herself but if she realizes just how terrible this is for her children to witness and live with she might. After that I would tell her to call me if she needed anything but I would not under any circumstances interract with her boyfriend.
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1likeme
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 7:05 PM
I completely understand. I've been in abusive relationships and I have been there while friends went through them. It's tough seeing a person you care about being treated like crap. It's equally tough coming to terms with the fact that you are in an abusive relationsip.

Get her the book, why does he do that by: Lundy Bancroft. It is a fantastic book that will help open her eyes and help her to see his behavior as actual abuse. She still might take a long time to digest it and recognize the relationship as abusive but it might help her because while reading it the recognition comes from inside. That makes a big difference because often when a friend criticizes your abusive mate you automatically get defensive. Then again it might not help at all but at least it's something that has the potential to help her.
mab05
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 7:08 PM
He's grooming her.

I really hope she sees the light before she gets too involved
GreenEyePixie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 7:42 PM
She gets very defensive quickly. Like she will complain about him (like we all do from time to time) and I will start to say sorting. Don't get two words our before she starts defending him.

I will definitely look at getting that book. Thank you.


Quoting 1likeme: I completely understand. I've been in abusive relationships and I have been there while friends went through them. It's tough seeing a person you care about being treated like crap. It's equally tough coming to terms with the fact that you are in an abusive relationsip.

Get her the book, why does he do that by: Lundy Bancroft. It is a fantastic book that will help open her eyes and help her to see his behavior as actual abuse. She still might take a long time to digest it and recognize the relationship as abusive but it might help her because while reading it the recognition comes from inside. That makes a big difference because often when a friend criticizes your abusive mate you automatically get defensive. Then again it might not help at all but at least it's something that has the potential to help her.
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GreenEyePixie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 7:43 PM
I hope she sees the light too.

I truly hope I am wrong, but as I said I am not the only one who sees it this way. But I would rather "eat crow" than take her to the hospital one day.


Quoting mab05: He's grooming her.

I really hope she sees the light before she gets too involved
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PinkButterfly66
by Emerald Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 7:57 PM

Frankly, I'd be tempted to google him and to look up your local court records and see if any woman has had him arrested for physical abuse.

GreenEyePixie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 8:01 PM
I don't know his last name. I know he had an ex wife and a bad relationship that ended a few years ago. Otherwise that sounds like a great idea.

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

Frankly, I'd be tempted to google him and to look up your local court records and see if any woman has had him arrested for physical abuse.

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PinkButterfly66
by Emerald Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 8:03 PM

You can ask your friend, just ask.

Quoting GreenEyePixie: I don't know his last name. I know he had an ex wife and a bad relationship that ended a few years ago. Otherwise that sounds like a great idea.
Quoting PinkButterfly66:

Frankly, I'd be tempted to google him and to look up your local court records and see if any woman has had him arrested for physical abuse.


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