It has been 5 days of crying, meltdown after meltdown and freaking out. I have been punched, scratched, shit on (not on purpose). Literally every single thing I explain or tell to ds is completely ignored in favour of freaking the fuck out. I am just at the end. I am crying right now because I just can't handle this and am so in over my head.
For the first time in ds's 8 yrs I called a respite service.
I have never ever felt the need to use this service, and I have alwys thought (just a little) that moms who do just don't know how to cope with autism well.
But I am so at the end of my coping skills I just need to be able to breath. They are sending someone tomorrow for an hour, just for me to get a break.
I feel like such a failure needing a break from my own kid but there it is. Bash away, I can't possibly feel any worse right now anyhow.
Thank you so much for the kind replies, I was in such a bad place this afternoon, and reading the replies brought me to tears. Thank you for the perspective, it was much needed.