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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 41 Replies

I cheated. I have no desire or need to do it again. I did it because I was messed up and myopic at the time. The cheating and the relationship it brought helped me to see my situation with XH for what it was and leave. Same with my now SO.

Sometimes you need to see how things could be to see how bad they have been and give you the push you need to change them.

So, this silly, pedantic "once a cheater" platitude, does it apply to me? I'm a cheater. Or I was. I'm pretty sure I'm in control of my own actions and I'm positive I won't cheat again, because I can see the reasons why it happened now and I won't ever be in that situation again.

Or does it only apply to men when you "ladies" say that little cliche and throw it at "homewreckers" you're so eager to crucify?

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 4, 2014 at 3:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 4, 2014 at 3:51 AM
Are you the same OP from the "I cheated and I'm glad" post.... Sounds about the same...
zeenah
by Zarah on Jul. 4, 2014 at 3:53 AM

I don't believe it so I don't say it. 

Happy big sister to be! Nov. 2014!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 4, 2014 at 3:58 AM

Yep.

I just wonder why such a double standard, or why people think thye know what will happen based on one incident out of context. Why they throw these silly little platitudes around as if to convince themselves.

Quoting Anonymous: Are you the same OP from the "I cheated and I'm glad" post.... Sounds about the same...


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:01 AM

My FIL cheated on my MIL before I met my husband. She chose to forgive him and take him back, and they have a really great marriage now, and he has not done it again. So, no, I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater. However, it's not something I personally could forgive. If my husband did it to me, I'd never trust him again, no matter how sorry he claimed he was, and if I cheated. I don't think he would trust me again, nor would I expect him to. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:02 AM
Oh, ok. Well, I don't necessarily believe that if someone, man or woman, cheats once that they will do it again. However, I do believe that you will never regain the same level of trust from a partner once you have cheated.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yep.

I just wonder why such a double standard, or why people think thye know what will happen based on one incident out of context. Why they throw these silly little platitudes around as if to convince themselves.

Quoting Anonymous: Are you the same OP from the "I cheated and I'm glad" post.... Sounds about the same...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:06 AM
Nope. I've cheated on someone i didn't love, now that I truly love someone I would never ever cheat.
heckno
by on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:10 AM
I don't think so.
GloryDaze
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:15 AM
I'm work as a certified marriage and family therapist and if you were in my office verbally stating what you wrote here, I would have some questions for you to delve into your problem a bit further.

I'm mainly concerned with your self analysis. At one point you project confidence in your reason for cheating while stating "sometimes you have to see how things could be to see how bad they have been." But, then you also state that you were "messed up and myopic" which leads me to believe that you internally feel that you did do something wrong and are not willing to face your own harsh reality yet. It's alright. You aren't the only one dealing with it. Its quite common and I see it in my office many times.....and yes....of course some women cheat too. It isn't only men.

Quoting Anonymous:

I cheated. I have no desire or need to do it again. I did it because I was messed up and myopic at the time. The cheating and the relationship it brought helped me to see my situation with XH for what it was and leave. Same with my now SO.

Sometimes you need to see how things could be to see how bad they have been and give you the push you need to change them.

So, this silly, pedantic "once a cheater" platitude, does it apply to me? I'm a cheater. Or I was. I'm pretty sure I'm in control of my own actions and I'm positive I won't cheat again, because I can see the reasons why it happened now and I won't ever be in that situation again.

Or does it only apply to men when you "ladies" say that little cliche and throw it at "homewreckers" you're so eager to crucify?

Racer15
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:20 AM
It may not be universally true but I avoid dating men that have cheated in the past if at all possible.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 4, 2014 at 4:20 AM

I've seen a therapist. It was for other issues (I was injured at work and had some trauma from that) but he more or less encouraged me in this new relationship. His attitude was that if I was drawing strength from it, and it gave me what I needed to work through the problems my marriage was causing, to leave it, then it was a good thing. Not ideal, but it ended up working in everyone's favor in the end and getting me out of a situation that was hurting me and had been for a long time.

I don't feel it was great, to start a relationship that way, but I am grateful for the way it turned out.

Quoting GloryDaze: I'm work as a certified marriage and family therapist and if you were in my office verbally stating what you wrote here, I would have some questions for you to delve into your problem a bit further. I'm mainly concerned with your self analysis. At one point you project confidence in your reason for cheating while stating "sometimes you have to see how things could be to see how bad they have been." But, then you also state that you were "messed up and myopic" which leads me to believe that you internally feel that you did do something wrong and are not willing to face your own harsh reality yet. It's alright. You aren't the only one dealing with it. Its quite common and I see it in my office many times.....and yes....of course some women cheat too. It isn't only men.
Quoting Anonymous:

I cheated. I have no desire or need to do it again. I did it because I was messed up and myopic at the time. The cheating and the relationship it brought helped me to see my situation with XH for what it was and leave. Same with my now SO.

Sometimes you need to see how things could be to see how bad they have been and give you the push you need to change them.

So, this silly, pedantic "once a cheater" platitude, does it apply to me? I'm a cheater. Or I was. I'm pretty sure I'm in control of my own actions and I'm positive I won't cheat again, because I can see the reasons why it happened now and I won't ever be in that situation again.

Or does it only apply to men when you "ladies" say that little cliche and throw it at "homewreckers" you're so eager to crucify?


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