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My son was the only one not invited to his classmate's birthday party :(

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
The invitations got passed out on the last day of school and he noticed.

He's mildly autistic and has difficulty with social situations. He's 10 and plays rough because he sees the other kids being a bit physical when they play but takes it too far, and similarly doesn't get the difference between poking fun at someone or something politely and being rude or mean when he does. We're working so hard on these things but the other kids think he's a bully because of them.

It breaks my heart for him. Thankfully, he was only a bit upset and seems to have moved on, but it hurts my heart. I tried to call the kids mom but she was pretty mean and actually called him a bully to me. Idk, it's just hard :(
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 6, 2014 at 5:52 PM
Replies (61-70):
by Emerald Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:17 PM
7 moms liked this
I am a clinical therapist working with children and families. Some of the youngsters I work with are diagnosed with Aspergers and struggle to understand social relationships. They have difficulty reading non verbal communication and they at times appear to be rude or blunt or insensitive to peers, I am sad for your son and as a parent who loves him I know it may be heartbreaking to have him excluded from social events with classmates. Is there anyway that you could explore a social skills group for him?
by Ruby Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:17 PM
2 moms liked this
Rewarded and coddled? So you really think this kid should have no friends over ever for a good time to teach him some sort of lesson? It's not like he did some specific bad thing that needs to be punished.

I stand by my original statement. Invite some kids over and do your own thing!

Quoting BrutalTruth: Hey man, ima let you finish, but if need be I can be much nore melodramatic than you. Much more.

He shouldn't be rewarded and fucking coddled for being a bully. How is that not a reasonable, rational, thing to you? If my kid was considered the class bully, I sure as fuck wouldn't be celebrating that shit.

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

Yeah inviting kids over for your own to play with is awful. She should lock him in his room all summer instead because he's a bully. You're right. It would be horrible for him to have a get together at his house. Fuck playdates and parties for that shitty kid.

Quoting BrutalTruth: Omfg ARE YOU SERIOUS? Throw him a party for no reason, because he kind of got his feelings hurt. Which btw, was a direct result of his actions. So instead of letting him maybe, I don't know, learn from this, let's give him fucking cake and water balloons and say 'hey johnny, they're wrong. You deserve a party for being persecuted. Keep on keeping on'.

These kids have to grow up and be an adult someday. What a terrifying thought that this is what we should teach them.

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

That sucks. You shouldn't have called her though. Have your own party for him instead. Even if only a few can make it, he'll love it. Water balloons, a sprinkler, a scavenger hunt.

I hate throwing parties and only inviting some of the kids in the class because I worry that the ones who weren't invited will feel sad. But I'd never exclude only one child and hand out invitations in class - that's shitty.

by Anonymous 15 on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:18 PM
6 moms liked this
Same anon here. I do want to say that it was really mean for the kid to pass out invites to everyone but him. At my dd's school, you invite the while class or you send the invites through the mail.

Quoting Anonymous: My dd has autism. I understand that sick feeling when the other kids don't want to play with my dd or invite her places. She's not a bully, but she is very overbearing and easily annoys other kids. I use every opportunity as a learning moment. When the other kids leave her alone to play elsewhere, I ask her to think about why. I explain to her the proper ways to play and encourage her to practice with me. I would never dream of calling another kid's mom about not inviting dd somewhere.
by Ruby Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:18 PM

I get that and I have an autistic child myself. dd was invited to party's all the time in pre-k (our school district didn't start special ed till kindergarten) and I knew that she would not behave appropriately so guess what we didn't go. 

I'm sorry about your situation I know first hand it sucks but it doesn't sound like your child is mature enough to behave. Maybe you can work on it and he might be better next year. Good luck.

Quoting Anonymous: The issue here, for all who don't get it, is that he doesn't understand how the way he acts is Different than how the other kids act all the time. He's learning and getting much better, but it's really that simple.

When time crashes

by Anonymous 16 on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:19 PM
Is that you Gina?
by Ruby Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:19 PM

Quoting Danesmommy1: You called the mother??? As you make excuses for your son...
by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:20 PM
You called the mom? Really?
by Anonymous 17 on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:20 PM
5 moms liked this

If your child is out of control, and as you said doesn't understand that hitting and bullying isn't ok, maybe it is time to look at an alternative school that specializes in helping autistic children. Just as you don't think your child should have to be excluded for his bullying because he is autistic, the rest of the moms believe that he should be excluded because he's a bully.

Bullying doesn't get a free pass no matter what the circumstances are. You're upset because your child was left out. If he was being bullied, I am sure you would be livid. These parents have every right to be upset and not want your child around, Look for autism support groups in your area. As long as your child acts like a bully, he will be treated as such.

by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:21 PM
5 moms liked this

I feel for him. I can remember  being in the 2nd grade and only me another girl were not asked to a birthday party. It really hurt.

by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 6:21 PM
1 mom liked this
An involved parent knows how much her kid tries and gets attacked for being different. My kids'old school wouldn't allow that bullshit. I hope their new one is the same. The mom could have called after getting an invitation, asked how supervised it was going to be and if parents could stay. Do you think she would allow her kid to act up if she were there?

Quoting tanyainmizzou:

Because it isn't the brat's birthday party.

If the austic child cannot deal with other kids without hitting them, he doesn't need to be invited.

An involved parent would know that.

Quoting honeyrder: By the same token, why can't these other kids learn some sensitivity towards kids who are different. I bet those kids regularly taunt him and make him lash out because they are the little assholes.

Quoting tanyainmizzou:


So why should her demon child be invited?

She doesn't control him.  Casn you explain why he should be allowed at a party where kids don't want him?

Quoting 12345abcde54321: I feel fine. If I was a bitch I might not feel so well.

Quoting tanyainmizzou:


My son isn't banned from parties because he isn't a bully.

Feel better?

Quoting 12345abcde54321:

Damn you are a bitch.

Quoting tanyainmizzou:

Why does your son deserve to go to a party where the birthday kid doesn't want him?

Him being midly austici doesn't mean that kids don't find him to be a horrible person.

And the fact you called his mom, damn maybe make your kid behave.

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